Odd statement by my SO

**caster** · 03-21-2011 07:57 AM

After a tough weekend of yard work I was telling the wife I really needed a massage. But the girl I liked had moved and two others I'd tried I didn't like.
I then told my wife I preferred her massages anyway since she gives me the happy ending,

she asked if I meant sex, (bj or intercourse) or a hand job, and I told her I like it when she gives me a hand job at the end of the massage.

She's not very good at the massage part, but she will give me one on occasion, but she'll gives me a HJ quite often. But then she shocked me by telling me she had no problem if I found a good masseuse that would give me a hand job, just as long as I didn't have sex.
WOW!

I had to act like that comment didn't phase me at all. One part tells me to go find a mew masseuse, another says if I do don't tell my wife if I get the happy ending, but I won't lie to my wife and I have to wonder what she'd really think after the fact.

**stressed** · 03-21-2011 08:09 AM

She's either very open-minded and very secure about your relationship, or, she was joking, or, she doesn't enjoy handjobs/sex/something sexually-related and wouldn't mind if someone else "did the job" instead, as long as you wouldn't actually cheat on her and desire the person who did so.

Ask her.

Would you want to get a handjob from a masseuse if your wife meant it? Would you feel alright with yourself for doing so?

**caster** · 03-21-2011 08:17 AM

She very much enjoys giving me a HJ, she also likes watching and helping me as well. She said she views a man getting a HJ during a massage about the same as him masturbating. She knows it's just a physical release (ejaculation) for me.
It just suprised the heck out of me that she'd be ok with another woman getting me off, even if it's only a HJ.
In other cultures this may be somewhat normal, not so much around here.

**stressed** · 03-21-2011 08:27 AM

Maybe it's a fantasy of hers or maybe she'd actually like to watch this. You have to be sure about her views in any case as this can cause a huge misunderstanding if she didn't mean it.

**JustHormonious** · 03-21-2011 08:43 AM

Hopefully, you're not naive enough to think you would get 2 happy endings if you acted upon this... Her saying it is one thing, you doing it is another...

**ItsASecret** · 03-21-2011 08:57 AM

I would be really hesitant to take her comment seriously it can cause huge trust issues very very quickly. Personally I may joke about getting drunk one night and doing stuff with a girl and my bf lights up like a Christmas tree eyes bulging in anticipation thinking I am being serious but in reality there is not enough alcohol in the world to make me do that. He knows that but his eyes still bulge hoping that it is true. Sometimes it is purely joking around for the sake of the particular conversation. I would ask her if she was serious but not in a pushing tone, say while you are watching tv and just ask "hun were you actually serious when you said a HJ after a massage is okay with you?". Just a casual first question into the situation and if she says yes then turn to her and talk to her more seriously so that you can see what the whole deal is.

**pretzel** · 03-21-2011 09:15 AM

I think it may all well and good that she things that a HJ by a masseuse is just a release, but do you really want to test that?

I think there are times when just letting comments lie where they are is the best course of action. I think this may be one of those times.

I'd just let that comment drop by the wayside.

**WildChild** · 03-21-2011 09:40 AM

Originally Posted by pretzel

I think it may all well and good that she things that a HJ by a masseuse is just a release, but do you really want to test that?

I think there are times when just letting comments lie where they are is the best course of action. I think this may be one of those times.

I'd just let that comment drop by the wayside.

I agree up to a point.
A couple things come to mind, does she really enjoy giving hjs and bjs? I was with a man I loved passionately who pushed the relationship pretty much into hjs and bjs being all there was. I went from having enjoyed it greatly to being very frustrated. Are you pleasuring her equally?
Could she be quietly opening the door to a more open relationship? Is that something you have ever talked about or explored?
Why not sign the two of you up for a couples massage class? You can both learn some techniques, have some fun and set the stage for sharing massage with each other.

**Seeker_Advice** · 03-21-2011 09:50 AM

I agree with a combination of things that were stated above...

1. Let her comment drop by the wayside...do you really want to test it?

2. ...it can cause huge trust issues very quickly.

3. Take some couples massage classes together. I would add, and invest in some of the proper equipment too, like a massage table.

Seems like it's a can of worms that you may not want to open without additional conversation....and lots of it.

**caster** · 03-21-2011 09:58 AM

We did a couples massage a couple of years ago, she wasn't thrilled about getting rubbed on by a stranger.
She also has no desire for sex anymore. She'll have sex with me but it's a one way street and she knows it.
She'll give me a HJ or BJ about anytime I want one but she has no sexual desires what so ever. I've tried everything I can think of, she just has no libido at all.
And personally I'd prefer intercourse first, a HJ second and a BJ third. I have a tough time getting off with a BJ anyway so rather than have her feel bad like she's doing it wrong I just work around it.

While having a masseuse give me a HJ would be a thrill, intercourse with the woman I love is more important. Unfortunately I'm not getting that from her anymore. But that's a whole other topic.

I may go back to a relationship topic I started about taking her away for a weekend of us and only us.
Those plans, while thought out and all about hers and my pleasures are not going well.