Really Need An Answer!

**lovelovelove** · 03-23-2011 12:36 PM

I have this friend and she is really close to me, we share our most darkest secrets with eachother, we have been friends for 6 years now and just recently she shared with me some excruciating information about some things that had happened to her when she was younger. Well then she was asking me, what i thought personally about being dominated in the bedroom. I have my likes and dislikes. But she was serious, she really likes to be dominated to the fullest when it comes to sex. She says sometimes she finds guys that can do it right and if shes with someone like her boyfriend now for 3 years when he doesnt fullfill those needs she goes to this guy she known to do it right for her. So i guess the questions i need answered are, Could the things that happened to her when she was 12-15 (unwilling sexual activity) have anything to do with her liking to be dominated now? Could she be a sex addict? Please someone give me some type of answers.

**rcoreyus** · 03-23-2011 12:56 PM

Her early experience could certainly have caused her desire to be dominated. On the other hand, there are lots of people who enjoy being dominated without ever having been abused.

If she is comfortable with her sexuality and just enjoys submissive play, then that is fine. If you do play this way with her be sure you both understand what is expected, and use a safe-word.

If you think she is not comfortable, or has issues with her assault, then this is something for her to solve with a therapist - I don't think you can solve it - but you can be understanding .

**Seeker_Advice** · 03-24-2011 08:01 AM

Ditto.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-24-2011 03:30 PM

I think, if she recently shared this information with you, then followed through with her sexual activities outside her relationship, she was/is opening up to you, trusts you and associates the two together, as they were stated in the same breath.

She told you as a "friend" so in that let her share her thoughts with you...

It may be that this deeply disturbed her and she associates herself as un-worthy and this type of performance sexually is all she deserves not love....ask her.

Or, it may be that as she has matured, she has coped with what happened, is able to leave it mainly in the past but it has shown her the "type" of sexual activity she is okay with, as it was shown to her, (without her concent) but never the less, shown...

Much like you kiss a boy and now you know what that feels like and so want it again...

Ask her.

If she feels that it's the first one, then she needs some guidence and help because we are all worth it in life.

IDK if her boyfriend of three years is aware of her cheating but that's not your call, as a friend to tell him but I would tell her, that's not fair on him, has she considered introducing some things to him that he may accept or is she living both lives? One that she is happy with, him and the dark side that she bore when a younger girl that she feels she has to visit because she feels worthless?

Again, ask her.

CW

**lovelovelove** · 03-24-2011 03:49 PM

Ditto?

**lovelovelove** · 03-24-2011 03:53 PM

Originally Posted by CHANDLERS WISH

I think, if she recently shared this information with you, then followed through with her sexual activities outside her relationship, she was/is opening up to you, trusts you and associates the two together, as they were stated in the same breath.

She told you as a "friend" so in that let her share her thoughts with you...

It may be that this deeply disturbed her and she associates herself as un-worthy and this type of performance sexually is all she deserves not love....ask her.

Or, it may be that as she has matured, she has coped with what happened, is able to leave it mainly in the past but it has shown her the "type" of sexual activity she is okay with, as it was shown to her, (without her concent) but never the less, shown...

Much like you kiss a boy and now you know what that feels like and so want it again...

Ask her.

If she feels that it's the first one, then she needs some guidence and help because we are all worth it in life.

IDK if her boyfriend of three years is aware of her cheating but that's not your call, as a friend to tell him but I would tell her, that's not fair on him, has she considered introducing some things to him that he may accept or is she living both lives? One that she is happy with, him and the dark side that she bore when a younger girl that she feels she has to visit because she feels worthless?

Again, ask her.

CW

Thank You, i will ask her but do you think in any way there is any thing known as a sex addict in a female?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-24-2011 04:01 PM

I don't see it as a sex addict, rather either self worth, or adventure.....

Ditto means (same here, I agree with the above poster)

A sex addict can't get enough, she is saying "on occasions" she ventures to this man.....

**lovelovelove** · 03-25-2011 08:24 PM

Oh ok thank you very much.

**Seeker_Advice** · 03-26-2011 05:43 AM

Ditto = agreeing with the post immediately above mine.

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