I need help :c

**CaliGirl7** · 03-27-2011 12:26 PM

ok so im a 22 yr old female and i've been with my boyfriend for over 2 years now. I love him so much and i want to spend my life with him. When we first got together we couldn't keep our hands off each other, we were always fooling around and having sex sometimes 4 times a day everyday. We've been through so much together and we have definatley become closer but our sex has gone to maybe once a week if even that, and its not him its me. I dont know whats wrong with me i love having sex with him but the last couple months i just have not wanted it and i know its affecting him cuz he always blames himself, no matter how many times i tell him its not him its me. I've tried talking to him about it but he just thinks im not into him anymore which is why im here.
I've done everything, reserched, stopped taking my bc, doing everything to make myself feel sexy again. Im just lost and i want to have a good sex life with my man again.

**WildChild** · 03-27-2011 01:07 PM

How are you feeling otherwise?
Energy levels good? Mood?

**CaliGirl7** · 03-27-2011 01:35 PM

well i've been really stressed lately, and i absolutley hate my job. I've been looking for months for a new one but with this economy its rediculous. i feel depressed at times. i use to be so happy and loved my life. i've never had acne before and in the last year i broke out and i have done everything to get rid of it, and its made me really self conscious. and a few months ago i had a miscarriage which affected both of us. I have just been feeling really down and self conscious lately. I always see other girls and think how much happier he'd probly be with them, they are happy, pretty, having fun. I hate thinking like this. My mom died a few years ago and i havent had anyone to talk to, im so lost cuz shes the one i'd go to for problems well for anything really. He's helped me so much with the loss of my mom and when we first got together for the first time since my mom had passed i felt like i was going to be fine. i still felt that void of my mom but he made it so much better for me.

**oxy-moron** · 03-27-2011 02:08 PM

Hi
It does sound like you are a bit down.
Try getting onto some Fish oil supplements and some Vitamin D3 supplements.
These will help your mood and may boost your libido.
Get into some serious cuddling/massaging with your boyfriend at least three times a week- dont focus on the sex. If you get this right the sex will take care of itself.
The effects of Omega3 Fats(Fish oil ) on mood are well documented on the internet.

**CaliGirl7** · 03-27-2011 04:47 PM

Thank you so much. I will def. Try that

**WildChild** · 03-27-2011 05:08 PM

I lost my mother far earlier than I felt ready to be without her. Its difficult. Do you have any siblings or other family you can reach out to?
You have had stress after stress, many of us have been through long runs of that, it takes a toll physically and emotionally. The unfortunate thing is that as your energy drops you attract other low energy beings and events which may bring you down further. It is important to eat a healthy, mostly plant based diet, keep away from sugar and alcohol as they will impact your insulin level and combined with the cortisol from the stress, this is a bad thing.

Do you meditate? That can help, so can exersize, get out in the sun and your barefeet on the earth. Do start taking vitamin D3 and Omega 3's, you can get excellent Omega 3s from flax as well as fish oil. Personally, I've taken flax for past 20 years because the possible concentrations of heavy metals in the fish oil concern me, as well as the depletion of the fish populations. But take what feels best to you.

**kira** · 03-27-2011 05:41 PM

Fish oil completely messes with my digestive tract and makes me ill. You can get pills that are a mix of plant based oils like flax, borage, and I forget the last one.

You might want to look in to what options you have for therapy. A professional to talk to and offer opinions on how to lessen stress in your life. If insurance covers it that makes it easy but even without insurance there are often free or low cost counseling services available.

**CaliGirl7** · 03-27-2011 09:44 PM

I do have siblings but once my mom passed basically the family fell apart. I keep in touch with my older sister but her and her bf are so busy with their baby and their own life. We call each other a lot and talk on a regular basis, and it def helps and I'm grateful for her. I've gone to therapy and it really didn't help me, it was more awkward for me just cuz I felt really uncomfortable. I always meditate, well I try to except I end up thinking about all my bills or my crazy life. I talk to my bf sometimes but its hard for him to understand how much the loss of my mom affects me. I wake up everyday trying to motivate myself and tell myself "k today is gonna be ok" and I swear everyday is super sucky. I get so overwhelmed and a few times I've had to leave work because it stresses me out so much. I just want to be happy and be able to live my life again.

**Seeker_Advice** · 03-28-2011 05:55 AM

Exercise helps. Nothing fancy, just a half hour walk around your neighborhood three or four times each week will help.

Flax seed is a good source of Omega 3 as long as it is cracked or ground (meal). Our bodies are unable to process (breakdown) whole flax seeds and they just pass on through. So buy flax meal if you can find it or grind whole seeds in your coffee grinder.

Tow other easy "fixes" to consider; Exposure to the sun is the "best" way for our bodies to produce vitamin D naturally so expose your skin, arms and legs, to the sun for 15 - 20 minutes each day (through a window does not count as many windows filter sun rays). Exposure to the brightness of the sun (DO NOT stare up at the sun ever) also helps to boost mood. There is a direct connect between birghtness and an improvement in mood. You want to go out into the "brightness" of the sun, the kind that makes you squint or reach for sunglasses, for 15 - 20 minutes. The brightness reaches the optic nerves in the back of each eye that send a signal to the brain to "be happy" (it actually releases more of the chemical that improves mood - I believe it's Dopamine - not 100% sure).

So direct sking exposure to the sun is good for vitamin D production and direct exposure to the brightness of the sun is good for "happy chemical" release in the brain. BOTH will impact your mood in a positive manner.

**ItsASecret** · 03-28-2011 08:19 AM

The brightness reaches the optic nerves in the back of each eye that send a signal to the brain to "be happy" (it actually releases more of the chemical that improves mood - I believe it's Dopamine - not 100% sure).

Ehh...the sunlight no. The anticipation of feeling good yes. If you go outside and you think you are going to feel better your dopamine will increase. But the actual deliverance of that 'happy signals' from being outside not so much, maybe a little just because the nerves flow into so many levels of the brain which means that at some point at some stage there will be dopamine receptors hit. Dopamine works in an anticipatory action in those sorts of instances. Doing anything from breathing to looking at a picture of a flower will release dopamine whether you are in the sun or not. It is kind of an all around transmitter that is always there for some reason or another.

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