Infrequent sex to keep things "special"

**jns** · 03-29-2011 08:06 PM

Originally Posted by Caregirl

But for several days he didn't initiate anything and when I asked him why his response was "I don't want to do it so often if stops being special" ... he compared it to occasionally eating Chinese or Pizza for dinner as a treat, but if you ate it every day you'd get sick of it.( x

I think I could eat Chinese every day and not get sick of it. When I first read this I was wondering why I was not thinking of food.

I also think I could eat pizza every day if my research when I was in college was valid.

Bad analogies.

If you are both adventurous and innovative, but take your time trying new things, there is no reason you should run out of scenarios to make sex special in your lifetime.

It sounds like he is insecure, although it may be being controlling.

**WildChild** · 03-29-2011 10:16 PM

I've been sort of testing this out in my mind,
"I'm so tired of having orgasms, they are getting really boring"

Somehow it just doesn't work for me...

**Caregirl** · 03-29-2011 10:18 PM

Yea jns this is what confuses me, he seems to like to TALK about new and different and imaginative things he want to do to/with me frequently, but then backs off when it comes to actually doing it, or trying to do ALL of the suggested moves/positions in one go to avoid seconds etc. *pout*

I know WC right lol!! I never thought I'd be with a guy who wanted sex less than me...

**Seeker_Advice** · 03-30-2011 07:08 AM

The reason I made the pepperoni comment was in an effort to "spice" things up or change things up a bit. I think you can be physically intimate with one another everyday and still make it special.

The act of making love is special all by itself.

If you've suggested different and various things in an effort to spice it up or make it different and he doesn't go for them, then I don't know what to tell you. You can lead a horse to water but you cannot make him drink.

FTR - I think there are a lot of men out there who, if they were honest about it, would admit that their SO has more drive/interest then they do. However, the male ego being what it is, won't allow them to be honest/open about it.

**lilmissdirty** · 03-30-2011 10:20 AM

I would sit him down and explain to him that him "saving" sex for "special",, Is NOT making me feel special,
Instead it is making me feel unwanted, unattractive, unhappy & very much Not Special.
After all if I was that special to him then shouldn’t he be showing that to me in the most special, intimate way possible?
Why should I spend my life with a man that talks a big game but doesn’t really want me?

**stressed** · 03-30-2011 01:58 PM

Your b/f sounds a lot like my ex in this field (he also had one long-term relationship before me, he also compared me a lot to her and I was always "better than her", he would talk/think about trying new things and have sex but wouldn't dare try them or have sex over once per week, he also asked for reassurance often and asked me not to ever leave him, he had "mental blocks' regarding sex even if he claimed he really wanted me, always wanted sex to be 'special' etc.).

In my case it was that he didn't want to be alone, he was insecure, he knew he couldn't offer me sex the way I wanted it and was scared of ending up alone, scared the same would happen as with his ex, who was his first. Hopefully your b/f is not like that and he's just going through a phase. I can't help but be concerned though, as I've been through everything you mentioned. Do give him time and space, do discuss once every couple of weeks, but not for too long. Give it 6 months tops for your own sake.