Thread: Insecurities...

My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year and a half. We really love eachother, and when we make love it's really good. But he gets upset with me because I am uncomfortable being naked around him. BTW, in 2009 I weighed 220 lbs, and today I weigh 135. He tells me all the time how beautiful I am, and that he doesn't care if I have stretch marks, or imperfections...but I do. Ever since I lost the weight I have sagging skin around my stomach. It is so embarassing, and I would be mortified if he saw me completely naked. I am 22 years old, and feel like I have the body of a 60 yr old. I don't know what to do. Eventually, he'll just get sick of it and leave and I don't blame him. How can you be intimate with someone who won't even be naked around you? I can't afford plastic surgery or I would be all over that. I just need some advice. Thanks.

It takes time to get over insecurities, and if he loves you he should be understanding of that and support you. You can't change your appearance right now, so you have to learn to be comfortable and accepting of yourself. Easier said than done. A counselor can really do wonders if you have access to one.

It's not your outward appearance that your boyfriend loves, it's you. You have to remember and keep reiterating to yourself that your appearance does not define who you are, it's your personality and character, your mind and your heart. That's what is important, that's what defines your worth and your very existence, NOT what you look like. You are ALWAYS beautiful in the eyes of the person that loves you, because he sees you as you are INSIDE, he sees your heart, which trumps any imperfections your body may have, naked or not.

As a male I can tell you he will be telling the truth and wont be worried about imperfections.
However I think that information will probably be lost on you(as it seems to be on most ladies) so in the interests of moving forward try getting a little corset that hides what you want to hide but leaves everything else open to view. After a while doing this your confidence may build to the point where you are more relaxed and able to show more.
Sorry if this sounds sexist.

Kelsey I, too, have lost a significant amount of weight and have the reminders of what I use to be in the form of hideous stretchmarks on my stomach. All of your insecurities, I have as well... but I have an extremely supportive boyfriend that doesn't push me to be 100% naked in the sun. He compliments me always and makes me feel beautiful, but he has let me get comfortable 'in my skin' in my own way and never makes me feel like a weirdo over it.

Our relationship doesn't lack any intimacy -- in fact, we are the most affectionate, loving, communicative and sexual couple I've ever been apart of or known. Not that we don't have our own share of issues from time to time, but me not walking around the house buck nekkid isn't one of them.

Do you know why the lingerie industries, swimsuit industries, sexy costume industries do so well? Do you know why strip clubs don't have women just walking around stark naked the whole time? Because completely naked isn't always as sexual as partially clothed... something about the peek a boo --- don't you want to see this or that .. is sexually appealling.

You can give him a full on lap dance, showing your boobs by peeling your shirt down to your tummy... bending over giving him peeks at your rear end when in a skirt, you can pull your panties to the side and show him your goodies.... and those are all things you can do in total floursent lighting without any worries about your stomach...

My stomach is flat and tight so I will show it off to him in DIM lighting... but i seriously am hung up over my strechmarks and feel gross about them... yeah yeah, I know we need to accept ourselves, but it is what it is... I know I am SEXY as heck in skimpy clothes... and I am sure he prefers me confident and being all naughty vixen to him in barely there outfits over having me completely naked, having anxiety attacks and feeling horrible about myself. I'm sure your boyfriend is the same.

Over time I've gotten more and more comfortable with how intimate I am with my body... taking sexy pictures is a good way to start, this way you control what you show and what you don't... and as your confidence builds through his reactions to your body, slowly but surely you will overcome a great deal of your insecurities.