VERY self-conscious

**kaleidoscopelove** · 03-30-2011 10:47 PM

Just a little background..i'm a 20 year old female & i'm a bit overweight. I'm a little chunky lol i weigh 190 lbs and i've always been chubbier than my friends. With boyfriends, i've always been self-conscious to the point where only one boy has seen me completely naked. He made me feel so comfortable but one of the main reasons we broke up was my appearance that he "wasn't 100% attracted to"..messed up right? So after that i felt like a fool for thinking he liked how i looked.

Anyway, I've been with my current boyfriend for a little over a year and we are so in love. I know he loves me and he's always telling me i'm beautiful. But, whenever we have sex i feel like a monster next to him (and we're not even naked!) he's the same height as me and weighs about 130 lbs. I want to have sex completely naked but i'm so afraid he'll get turned off. I've told him before that i'm self-conscious and he said he can tell :O but he said i have nothing to worry about. Sure he may say that, but will that change when he sees me naked? What should i do?

**jns** · 03-30-2011 11:05 PM

Originally Posted by kaleidoscopelove

Just a little background..i'm a 20 year old female & i'm a bit overweight. I'm a little chunky lol i weigh 190 lbs and i've always been chubbier than my friends. With boyfriends, i've always been self-conscious to the point where only one boy has seen me completely naked. He made me feel so comfortable but one of the main reasons we broke up was my appearance that he "wasn't 100% attracted to"..messed up right? So after that i felt like a fool for thinking he liked how i looked.

Anyway, I've been with my current boyfriend for a little over a year and we are so in love. I know he loves me and he's always telling me i'm beautiful. But, whenever we have sex i feel like a monster next to him (and we're not even naked!) he's the same height as me and weighs about 130 lbs. I want to have sex completely naked but i'm so afraid he'll get turned off. I've told him before that i'm self-conscious and he said he can tell :O but he said i have nothing to worry about. Sure he may say that, but will that change when he sees me naked? What should i do?

There are guys who are very attracted to large girls. Your bf may be one of them. Are you going to live your life with all of this fear and uncertainty? He says you have nothing to worry about. Take a chance on him. If he really is in love with you, what you see as imperfections he will see as beautiful.

**Hopeless Dork** · 03-30-2011 11:06 PM

Given the jerky and pitiful excuse your ex gave you for breaking up with you, I can completely understand your fears. Wasn't 100% attracted? What the heck is that? Was he some greek god? Was he perfect down to his toes, mentally and physically? Nope... and you probably would have never dreamed of pointing that out to him -- neither would most people... that guy was an exceptional a-word.

Do NOT let someone that insensitive and immature dictate how you feel about yourself and how you believe your new boyfriend feels about you. Most people get involved with someone because of initial attraction, the 'sparks', if you will... and the more they come to know the person, know their heart... the more attracted they become. When someone falls in love with you, all of your "imperfections" become perfection... and especially with men... they tend to notice and pay attention to the things about someone that excite them and everything else is not even a factor.

Obviously your boyfriend of a year is aware of your size, and found you attractive... he found you attractive enough to date and intriguing enough to want to get to know and has shown you that you are the one for him by still being with you after all this time.

Nothing is sexier than a woman that FEELS sexy... so don't worry so much about what you have on or don't... focus instead on how you feel...when you get in that bed with your man you are not a monster -- you are the hottest woman in the room

and even if you weren't the only one there... his love for you would make him still think that.

You are into your guy right? Does he have a jersey shore 'situation' 6 pack? Probably not. Is he a poster boy heart throb? Probably not... but do YOU find him hot and sexy? Probably very much so... because you are into him. You need to allow yourself to believe he could and most likely does... feel the exact same way.

**kaleidoscopelove** · 03-30-2011 11:12 PM

Originally Posted by jns

If he really is in love with you, what you see as imperfections he will see as beautiful.

I hope so! thanks

**kaleidoscopelove** · 03-30-2011 11:13 PM

Originally Posted by Hopeless Dork

Obviously your boyfriend of a year is aware of your size, and found you attractive... he found you attractive enough to date and intriguing enough to want to get to know and has shown you that you are the one for him by still being with you after all this time.

Nothing is sexier than a woman that FEELS sexy... so don't worry so much about what you have on or don't... focus instead on how you feel...when you get in that bed with your man you are not a monster -- you are the hottest woman in the room

and even if you weren't the only one there... his love for you would make him still think that.

You are into your guy right? Does he have a jersey shore 'situation' 6 pack? Probably not. Is he a poster boy heart throb? Probably not... but do YOU find him hot and sexy? Probably very much so... because you are into him. You need to allow yourself to believe he could and most likely does... feel the exact same way.

You made a lot of good points that i never really take into consideration. This really helped a lot

thank you