Are men who want to be bottomed unattractive? (seeking advice..)

**Tylor** · 04-02-2011 08:09 PM

Hello everyone... I'm here because I think asking other women would be the best route.
As the title thread says: "Are men who want to be bottomed unattractive?"
My question is simple, but I've explained myself more in-depth in the very long description below.
Thank you for taking the time to view this, and if you don't want to read all that, I completely understand.

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I love my girlfriend.
When we first started dating, I wasn't really interested in sex at all. In fact, I was rather scared of it. I enjoyed just talking and exploring interests together. But things naturally led us into it, and she helped me ease slowly into having sex on a pretty regular basis. Because of this initial relationship, I held a sense of respect for her that I slowly realized I also felt sexually. I felt like she was the "lead" in the sexual relationship... at least that's how I viewed it.

Nowadays, when we have sex, I am usually being the typical boy. On top, being demanding, leading the way.

I feel horrible because I know many guys would kill to have a girlfriend like her. She can be sexy, naughty, needy, and loves all sorts of things I myself never expected to like.
Before I met her, I thought the idea of having sex "doggy style" was disrespectful. I was disgusted with spanking and dirty talk. But she loves all these things. And I find myself enjoying them because she likes them. I find her sexy enough that I betray myself and do all of them for her.

My "sex problem" lies in the fact that I would like to be bottomed from time to time...
I know it sounds "unmanly" of me, but I have heard of other guys who like it too, and the younger boy in me still remembers how she lulled me into having sex with her in the first place.
The thoughts of our first time still make me light-headed.

I've tried to talk to her about it before, but I just feel like she doesn't enjoy it as much. Even if she does seem to like it one night, she won't think to do it again unless I ask. I feel like asking kills the joy of the spontaneity and makes her "topping" seem forced.

I love to spoil her... I've grown tastes for the things she likes. I don't feel all that selfish to ask for the same from time to time.
It's not that I want to be bottomed all the time, but I would like her to take the first step more often. Is it wrong to find her sexy when she has her way with me?
Is it unattractive for men to want to bottom?

I just want to also say that I am only concerned with this because the other parts of the relationship are perfect.
I love her deeply, and am thinking of proposing to her..but I am often left feeling lonely and unfulfilled after I've pleasured her.
I know it's such a small thing...and I'm embarassed by wanting it, but I can't help feeling this way.

Sometimes I think she doesn't find me sexy enough..

**jns** · 04-02-2011 09:02 PM

I take it that by being "bottomed" you mean she is on top. Does she enjoy herself on top? If she does, she should initiate, but many women will not initiate, even if they like it.

Hint instead of asking straight out for her to be on top. She should get the hint. Guys may not get hints, but girls can and do. If she doesn't want to do it, she won't do it.

**Hopeless Dork** · 04-02-2011 10:49 PM

I was thinking you meant you want to be submissive to her sometimes and have her be the dominant one? I don't think there is anything unnattractive in that. I am naturally submissive, I'm a giver and I love when my boyfriend is in control of my body... but I love being in control of his as well... sticking my hand down his pants out of nowhere and touching 'it' because it's mine

inniciating, teasing him... telling him what i want him to do etc.. Its all good because its all love..

It sounds like you have a very happy relationship and an awesome gf. It could be that she just isn't entirely comfortable taking the lead, but trust that women love to feel sexy... so if you tell her how sexy it is when she does xyz... she's goiing to throw it into your routine... also you can tell her that you fantasize about your first night together and want to re-play it sometimes and I'm sure that would be exciting for her too.

**WildChild** · 04-02-2011 11:15 PM

Just to clarify, are you wanting her to initiate or are you looking more for dominance such as spanking and ordering you to pleasure her?

**Tylor** · 04-03-2011 12:53 AM

Sorry for not being clear!

Hopeless Dork had the right idea... I am looking for my girlfriend to be more dominant more often, and I have tried to talk to her about it.

I have told her I find her sexy when she takes the lead, but I think she naturally wants me to be on top.
I guess part of me worries the most because I have tried hinting and everything I can think of

Thank you all for your help though

**jns** · 04-03-2011 01:01 AM

I think a lot of times a girl thinks she looks awkward and unsightly being on top. They have no idea how sexy it looks from a guys viewpoint. If she orgasms when she is on top, she will be more likely to want to do it that way again. Make sure she has her fun, too.

**crazykitty** · 04-03-2011 03:54 PM

Tylor, not knowing how old she is, I would venture to guess that your girl is not sexually experienced/mature enough to feel confident in being that bold. We are still made to believe that we should be the weaker sex - and not be much of an initiator in anything. Be open with her, if the hints haven't worked, be forthright. Tell her what it is about the experience that you enjoy - and why - but only in the framework of HER and your lovemaking. Tell her the angle of vision is particularly attractive to you and why, or that the physical sensation is great, and why. (Hint:don't be so open that you scare her, but your openness and loving sincerity SHOULD go a long way toward growing your bond) Then ask her why she doesn't do it more often. Maybe she does feel like she looks awkward (if so, try candlelight - it makes EVERYONE look sexy) or if it's hard on her physically, try doing it in a chair where she can reach the floor for leverage. The important thing is to be communicative in a loving way with the idea of improving an already great thing.

**Texinator** · 04-03-2011 08:03 PM

Originally Posted by Tylor

Sometimes I think she doesn't find me sexy enough..

You have it backwards. There's a good chance that she isn't thrilled about being on top because she's afraid that she's not sexy enough in that position. Which is a shame, because I think that's about the sexiest position for a woman.

...and no, there's nothing wrong with you wanting her to be on top or to take more charge. Women have just as much a right and an ability to be sexual as men, and there's nothing unmanly about sharing something together by letting her take control from time to time.

**lbaker** · 04-05-2011 07:43 AM

For me, positive reinforcement goes a lonnnng way. If I get told I did something right in any aspect of my life, I will strive to repeat it. And if just complimenting her efforts aren't enough, open and honest conversations are pivitol in any relationship.

I know what you mean about learning to like things that you once considered degrading. I was certain I would never be one of "those girls" that gave blow jobs... but the love of a good man helped us both to learn more about what we like. Experimentation with your sexuality is healthy. Don't ever be afraid of what you like. You love each other. She won't judge you. And besides, the "cowgirl" position is quite common and a favorite of many.

Just remember that you are a sexy wonderful man, and she loves you. And make sure she knows the same.