Thread: Help! I can only orgasm DURING sex

Help! I can orgasm easily but only DURING sex. The problem: A male is required.

I've tried masturbating to no avail. My clitoris is insensitive & does little for me as a whole. I'm pretty sure that is not normal. During sex, clitoral stimulation arouses me but mostly as a form of teasing before the "real" thing. There must be simultaneous penetration.

Does anyone have this problem? Or know of or heard of anyone that has? I know the opposite problem is everywhere...

I’m also concerned that my orgasm has some emotional/mental dependency which necessitates a person I am interested in. (That this is not merely a G-spot preference—mostly because I can’t orgasm from hitting it on my own). It takes me minimal banter & no foreplay to be “ready.” During sex, I’m aroused by the attention & arousal of my partner as well as the physical experience--I once climaxed from performing oral sex. Games & "rough" sex, both of which have a psychological component (& take two people), are big factors in my arousal.

Is it normal for my arousal to be so stimulated by my partner? I’m only in my early twenties, and perhaps as I mature, my sexuality will be more self-focused. But how can I overcome this now—I'm not interested in being involved with anyone?

Sexually Frustrated,
In Texas

I completely understand, honey, and it's not easy to deal with. How good is your imagination? Have you tried investing in a really good g-spot toy and using it while reading something that really turns you on mentally? There are all kinds of erotic stories out there that tend to be based more on the mental and emotional aspects of sex.

And yes, it is normal for arousal to be most strongly stimulated by connection and interaction with another person. For me, scent and snuggles totally get me going. Sadly, you can't incorporate those in solo play lol.

You are normal- sex is 90% in the mind. If masturbation was anywhere as good as the real thing, far fewer people would hook up.
The only thing that I could think of would be that a real person will provide Oxytocin to your nervous system and it is the hormone that is key to lots of things including the enjoyment of sex. You can generate a bit of your own oxytocin by fantasizing about a an attractive partner from the past(or prospective). Try doing the fantasizing regularly-not just when you are doing the business.
What a bout a friend with benefits. Regular physical intimacy will help to keep you feeling and looking younger.

It's normal to not be as aroused if there is no partner. It is kind of hard for me to get into the mood, but if I see my boyfriends erection I am immediately horny. So I'd say what you're experiencing isn't too off base. I would also take waya's suggestion of reading some. For me reading a romance novel is just WAY sexier than a porn. Maybe it's easier to live vicariously through it. But you can just do a little online research for some books that would include the stuff you like.

Originally Posted by curiouscat

Help! I can orgasm easily but only DURING sex. The problem: A male is required.

I've tried masturbating to no avail. My clitoris is insensitive & does little for me as a whole. I'm pretty sure that is not normal. During sex, clitoral stimulation arouses me but mostly as a form of teasing before the "real" thing. There must be simultaneous penetration.
.
.
Sexually Frustrated,
In Texas

I'm the same way, I never had an orgasm until I hooked with a man I loved, he is now my husband.

I tried masturbating but never could achieve orgasm. It takes vaginal penetration with my husband for me to orgasm. I don't consider this a problem.

Originally Posted by curiouscat

Help! I can orgasm easily but only DURING sex. The problem: A male is required.

I've tried masturbating to no avail. My clitoris is insensitive & does little for me as a whole. I'm pretty sure that is not normal. During sex, clitoral stimulation arouses me but mostly as a form of teasing before the "real" thing. There must be simultaneous penetration.
.
.
Sexually Frustrated,
In Texas

I'm the same way, I never had an orgasm until I hooked with a man I loved, he is now my husband.

I tried masturbating but never could achieve orgasm. It takes vaginal penetration with my husband for me to orgasm. I don't consider this a problem.