Find it difficullt to have an orgasm during sex

**Loella05** · 04-06-2011 10:39 PM

Hi,

I'm very new to this site and really enjoy having somewhere i can talk to people about personal stuff so i can find out if i'm abnormal or not

So my partner and i get along really well sexually. We are both very open to new things although he has a lot more experience than i do since he is 15years older than me. I on the other hand only started having sex 6yrs ago, i waited until i was 21! I do know my body and i can pleasure myself very easily, however, i can't bring myself to have an orgasm during sex. My partner seems to be a bit frustrated by it and really wants to "make me scream" as he says but no matter what, its just not happening. We tried oral but no reaction, he even got a Clit stimulation ring and even that didn't work. I don't know what the problem is. I like sex and i really enjoy having sex with my partner but i just can't orgasm during sex.
Can someone help me?

**jns** · 04-06-2011 11:07 PM

It sounds like he has not found the method to get you to orgasm manually or orally. Have you guided him on what to do? Beyond that, it is a matter of letting yourself go. That can be very scary, having someone else give you such intense pleasure. But if you can overcome that, orgasm during sex may follow. Try to lose yourself in the moment. Use music, lighting and fragrances to keep yourself distracted. Make sure he knows what works best and is good at doing it. Good luck.

**kristalyn_04** · 04-06-2011 11:11 PM

Hi there, and welcome!

I think the problem might be that you are feeling pressured to have an orgasm. Sex is about the journey, not the destination. Both you and he need to understand that it's actually ok not to orgasm during sex, it's not a big deal and it doesn't mean that you didn't enjoy it. Just relax and enjoy the ride... if it happens, great... if not that's ok too. Since you're able to bring yourself to orgasm, maybe you could try mutual masturbation, then have him rub you the same way. Again, no pressure, not making orgasm the goal, just getting to know each other's bodies and responses better.

**Seeker_Advice** · 04-07-2011 08:31 AM

...i can pleasure myself very easily...

So take the time to show/teach him how he can do it too.

There's also a great book thread in this forum "books on sex" or something similar.

I frequently recommend She Comes First by Ian Kerner Ph.D I think it's a great book for men to read...experienced, inexperienced, young, old, etc.