Thread: Couple of odd things that are causing "issues"

I apologize in advance for any continuity or inconsistency errors.
I have a couple items going on with my wife that are causing issues in our relationship and I am looking for a woman’s perspective to help me.

1) Let me preface by stating that when I got together with my wife way back in the day (17+ years ago), one of the items that was of importance to me was that I did not want to talk about her old boyfriends and the sex she used to have with them. To be honest, I don’t care nor do I want to know who you were sleeping with and what you did.
She does like to bring up old boyfriends and the sex acts she used to have with them, much to my chagrin. An example would be one day she mentioned that she loved how boyfriend x would give her anal and how good it was. I let her know that I am more than willing to try that with her. She then let's me know that this is something she absolutely will not do with me (no explanation other than she didn't really like it).
Why talk about how good it was with the old boyfriend? If it was something you enjoyed, why not explore with me? Why state how good it was and then turn around and basically contradict what you just said?

2) I don't even know how to approach my wife on this one yet. My wife came home from work one day and casually mentioned over dinner that she wished my penis was a few inches longer. The thickness was fine, but she wanted more depth. If it were a few inches longer, it would be satisfying. I mentioned "you mean more satisfying". Her reply was "No. Just satisfying" I was a little taken aback and just let it slide for the moment.
That night we had some (what I thought was) real good sex. While we were lying in the afterglow, she mentioned that she would really like to "Have sex with a guy with a real big penis" (Cleaned up – however, you will get the jest of what she stated). That gave me a major WTF moment where I couldn't even say anything.
We went downstairs to get something to drink, and my wife decides to tell me "I wish I hadn't broken up with Boyfriend x. He had a real big penis. The biggest out of anyone I have been with. I guess I didn't know how good I had it."
To be honest, this floored me. What do you say to that? Why would anyone say something like this?
Stunned? You bet. Hurt? You bet. Angry? You bet.
Anyone have any idea how to approach this issue?

3) My wife claims to have a high sex drive. She claims that she wants sex all the time. She claims that she is an absolute freak in the sack. She tries to embarrass me in front of friends by stating she ALWAYS is the aggressor. She ALWAYs has to work to get me interested in sex. She ALWAYS has to drive sex acts because I don't do anything. She claims to be a total freak in the sack.
Now, the reality is this:
I have an extremely high sex drive. With me being into my 40’s, I still desire to have sex twice a day and sometimes 5 times a day (as well as being able to have it that many times a day – lucky me!) and not think twice about it. I have no issues with the logistics of the act of sex. I will basically jump down a flight of stairs at the slightest notion that she is interesting in having sex. I also realize that it is unrealistic to expect the same from my wife and absolutely do not require this. I am fully aware of the concept that the one with the lower sex drive controls the sex in the relationship. I just want to explain how I am towards sex.

In reality, she only wants sex once maybe twice a month. When she does want sex, it is a very specific time window when she wants it (for example, she may only want sex on a Friday from 9:00 PM till 11:00 PM). Outside that time window and there will be no sex. She will only have sex in our bedroom. She will only have sex in our bed. She will only do a few positions. Try to initiate sex in another room - strike - now there will be no sex. Trying to initiate sex is a range of acts that she likes and is turned on by when in the mood (kissing, hugging, massaging, oral sex, talking and complementing her are some examples).Try to initiate sex in a different area of our bedroom - strike - now no sex. Try a position that's not on the "official position list" (hopefully I know what todays list is BTW!)- Strike - sex is now done, better luck next time. She basically only likes missionary, her on top or doggie. I’m not asking to do the flying helicopter, just a small position change on missionary or doggie.
I have tried for years to talk to her about this, but I can't get a reason that I can understand about constrains that she has. For someone who claims to be a "freak", she is extremely limited in her sexual horizons. This is most confusing, especially when she decides to let me know about some sexual liaison she had with former boyfriends.
The rejection and denials for sex have become so frequent, I'll ask "is this going to be potential sex day?" Why even get my hopes up if there is no possibility? The ironic item here is that now me asking for sex equals no sex. So I'm in a completely lose-lose situation. When we were dating and first married, she was more open. I have asked her, but she insists that she has no clue what I am talking about.
Anyone? Any ideas here?

Any help will be greatly appreciated