First time expectations??

**raindropsugarcane** · 04-15-2011 11:31 AM

Is the first time all that it is cracked up to be? Some one that I have affection for has let it be known that they "would like to share my bed". Besides their charming way of saying that they would like to have sex, I am doubtful as to his feelings toward me. He is just really hard to read. I have always wanted to have my first time with someone who cares for me and to have it be something "real" and not just for kicks. What I am wondering is, am I putting too much hype on it, or expecting too much? It is rare that a first relationship will last and that that person will be who you settle down with, so if the person you share yourself with for the first time is not going to be around forever, why put so much stock into it? The pain will be just the same. But then I think of going through with it and having him not reciprocating my feelings and that would be just as devastating. I am really just being pulled in two directions. I am not the type that gets hit on and taken out on dates.I feel a strong pull to this guy anyhow, your take on the first time scenario? I just feel so confused.

**jns** · 04-15-2011 07:57 PM

It seems he wants casual sex. If he really wanted to be with you he would want to share a whole lot more than just your bed. Actually, as you stated it, it sounds juvenile.

**raindropsugarcane** · 04-16-2011 01:25 AM

I have thought about it, and you are right. If he cared for me in any significant way, I would be able to tell. I am just frustrated. But that does not mean I should give in. Thanks for the input. Needed outside perspective.

**Seeker_Advice** · 04-16-2011 01:57 PM

I agree. As it's going to be much more "special" for both parties if there are real feelings between you and not just the desire to "share your bed".

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 04-16-2011 02:51 PM

Sure, your first one may not be the person you spend the rest of your life with but he will, I guarantee be one that you will never ever forget because he took your virginity, and you allowed that. So, ask your self what memory you deserve, want for the rest of your life

You say that you are not the type to get hit on and asked out for dates....There underlies your problem

You maybe feel oh well he is showing interest so maybe we will be together for a few months, and at least I get to experience dating, etc, however, what if it's one night? Which is why you are in two minds....

Work on your shy side, work on colours that really suit you, suit your eyes, work on your confidence and then you will gain many a suitor and you will be able to then make a decision instead of this will do....

The person in my opinion that takes that from someone, doesn't ask for it, doesn't expect it and will wait for it

CW