Not jealous enough?

**jns** · 04-18-2011 09:42 PM

Schroeder, maybe just maybe she isn't the girl for you. She has stated a scenario in which she wants you to be possessive, but you are not. Maybe your personalities are not on the same page.

**Mes T** · 04-18-2011 10:00 PM

I don't understand the whole not-cheating thing being a "gift." I think I agree with your girlfriend, that being faithful should be expected! AND taken for granted! Just like I expect and take for granted that you're not going to murder me in my sleep. It's not a "gift."

Sounds like you and your girlfriend just have completely different points of view, and like previously mentioned this may be hard to reconcile. Sounds like you'd be happier in an open relationship, where partners can "enjoy" other people but come home to each other at the end of the day.

Your girlfriend prefers the monogamous approach, where the man wants to "keep" her for himself, and that is very often seen as a sign of love.

Also, I think the word "jealousy" is grossly misused here. Just because I don't want my boyfriend sleeping with other women doesn't make me "jealous." It makes me want a monogamous relationship is all.

If I got angry at my boyfriend for, say, spending time with his mum instead of me... or... buying his pet cats a little present... THAT would be jealousy, as I see it.

**Hopeless Dork** · 04-18-2011 10:02 PM

A lot of women need to feel protected, secure... and a man that is supposed to love them... saying they'd be okay with them sleeping with someone else -- could shake those feelings. To a lot of women, giving their body to a man is an experience that leaves them feeling very vulnerable which is why so many choose to be in a relationship with someone they are having sex with. Having a man be okay with, or even encouraging them to be vulnerable, to give themselves to some other man -- could, leave them feeling unprotected, and insecure.

No one wants a bf that is beating up every guy that looks at them, but most girls want a guy that puts her on a pedastal, treasures her... and wants to keep her for himself.

If my boyfriend was okay with me sleeping with other men, I wouldn't feel as loved by him. I would feel like he didn't see the value of my gift of faithfulness to him ( I too see that action as a gift and not a given).

**WildChild** · 04-19-2011 12:02 AM

Originally Posted by Schroeder

All my life I believed that jealous guys were losers and abusers. Being a loving man who wants his woman to be satisfied, it would please me for her to have experiences that excite and thrill her, and if it's being with someone else, the idea of her getting off gets me off.

I don't equate love with jealousy, and in fact I think this proves my love is unconditional. To me, requiring someone to be faithful is actually selfishness and shows the person cares more about themselves than the person they supposedly love.

Am I way off here?

What you are feeling is called compersion, It is defined as: is a state of empathetic happiness and joy when an individual's current or former romantic partner experiences happiness and joy through an outside source, including, but not limited to, another romantic interest. This can be experienced as any form of erotic or emotional empathy, depending on the person experiencing the emotion.

It is normal in an emotionally healthy individual.
There aren't many emotionally healthy individuals in the world.

**oxy-moron** · 04-19-2011 02:02 AM

Jealousy is a normal emotion that is supposed to help protect you from raising someone elses child or sharing your partner with another female. Important when you are young and bringing up children. Like all emotions it is there for a reason. It is a primal instinct and very hard to suppress. Not so important when you get older though.