I have a question for the Ladies about sex talk...

**Texinator** · 04-20-2011 07:59 PM

Could be part of the reason for why she doesn't want you to put your mouth on her.

**Agony_Aunt** · 04-21-2011 04:49 AM

You need to talk to her then, ask her is there anything you can do to make her feel better. I can imagine how frustrating it must feel for you.
Have you got old pictures of the two of you? Show her the pictures, and tell her you still think she's looks just as beautiful as the first day you've ever seen her.
All the little she does, that you love, tell her about them. She'l pick up on the fact that you notice these little things about her, and it may help her.

**SidneyAlive** · 04-21-2011 05:48 AM

Originally Posted by MarkT

As described it the other post about sex talk, men told of their language to their partners. I'd like to know what women really love to hear in the bedroom. I tend to build my Lady up and tell her how she makes me feel and how soft her skin feels and all the things that I think she wants to hear. Am I wrong? I'd really like to understand what women Really want to hear to make the whole experience for them as sensual as it can be. I'd just like to hear what makes women go over the edge and go wild in bed.

I know all aren't the same, I'm just trying to get a generalization to try on my Lady. We are still crawling back at a snails pace, but I'm a very patient man.

i like to be told im pretty and how much i turn him on, i melt and will do just about anything to make him happy..

**MarkT** · 04-21-2011 07:12 AM

I sure wish it were that easy with her. She's locked up with me now, meaning she has locked me out for some reason. Only in her sleep will she touch me, then she wakes up and immediately pushes Me away like I did something wrong. Last night I just tucked the blankets under my entire side between us, it's hard to do but she has never felt rejection like I'm going through. Tough situation-
I try to touch her back, she sometimes pulls away from me. When she doesn't pull away, I lightly rub her shoulders and touch her back. She told me this morning that it's going to take a few months for things to come back- Months? Okay, months- I guess I don't have any other option at this point. But Months? Well, it better be worth the wait. Wrong attitude I know, but the last time we had sex was last July. I call it sex because she faked it, I knew it and I just gave up before I had the big O. I haven't had the big O with her in probably 2 or 3 years. As soon as she starts to fake it, I just stop. It's not doing either one of us any good at that point. Men hate it when women fake it, we would just rather hear the truth and be done with it. Bad thing is that now I won't know if she's faking it or actually enjoying it. That really sucks! When she fakes, I go limp in a hurry.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 04-21-2011 07:17 AM

She's telling the truth and your thinking sex, if you love her love her I stand corrected given you had sex in July

She warmed to your warm but then ran scared that you wanted sex, she's not ready mentally, she's trying to regain the love and that takes time with women....not a sex object even though you love her, she sees sex as sex.

If you just give not expecting and she excites in love it will happen if she doesn't later ? Then there is the problem I mentioned take it as a long term investment you've already invested time love without expecting and see

**MarkT** · 04-21-2011 07:55 AM

I see CW, the wait is worth the love and trust. Then the love making will return. Little light bulb just came on... again. Last July wasn't all that good for either of us frankly. Abrupt stop kind of looses it's appeal. It's just been too long for me to go without any of it, the snuggling, the closeness and yes, the sex. After it's been that long, I silently call it the 2 stroke joker in my head. 2 strokes inside and I'm done- that really sucks- I hate it. It feels too good and can't hold it back no matter what else I think about. This love stuff- I'm beginning to think it just isn't cracked up to be everything it's supposed to be. It's more of a pain in the keester than anything else. People make simple things too complicated, they think- and then it all goes downhill from there. The human mind seems to get in the way of everything good - well... except judgement and just when you think it was a good idea, it all goes down the drain. If this doesn't work out, I'm done with any kind of relationship with any female. I love females, it's just not worth the hassle and pain. I've had my fill of it all. Back to magazines and dreams, I guess.

**WildChild** · 04-21-2011 08:14 AM

Its hard but give up expectation and just enjoy being loving. Just as you can tell faking it, she can tell the difference between a loving touch and a I'm hoping if I'm loving, you will want sex touch. That kind of touch is great - after she feels fully loved and validated in the relationship. Right now you are trying to rebuild that.

It sounds like she recognizes what you are trying to do and she appreciates it but doesn't fully trust it yet. Ideally the two of you should be able to talk and while you are working on this area she would be willing to reciprocate and to reestablish sex in the relationship. But women know instinctively as well as from experience that men's minds don't work that way. In general as soon as you guys get what you want, all other effort ceases until you want again. She may not be able to articulate this but at some level she knows it. Think of this as a retraining time. You are training yourself to become a great lover and partner, she is training herself to reopen herself to you and fully trust sexually. For women, when this has been damaged, for whatever reason, it takes more to reestablish than it did at the start.

Did you ever watch that Amanda Gore video I suggested about Why Women Are Different From Men? Its funny and super short but she makes the point very well. The, "Haa, she knows!" is exactly right, we know.

You are trying to rebuild this relationship, it takes time, just like when you put up a building, it may look like the job is all in the framing, hammering and drilling but for a job that goes smoothly and really comes together and creates a structure that will last with everything working right, the real work was before anyone picked up a hammer. There was discussion, planning, surveying, soil testing, adjusting to meet the needs of the site, all the details were drawn out and spec'd, materials take offs were done, everything is scheduled to the hour so when the right mix of concrete is delivered, the forms are set, rebar is in place and they are ready for the pour. You can't decide well the concrete is here so we'll pour it and then figure out some way to get rebar into it when it arrives tomorrow. Nor can you tell the driver to save the mix for tomorrow. Once the water is in the cement, you have to mix it and use it. You have to have a good foundation before you can put up the building or it will very likely come down on you. You can't hang rock without something to hang it on. It doesn't matter how many screws you use if they don't hit studs.

Quit thinking sex for a while (I know its hard, I would be challenged) and start thinking building. You've got one heck of a remodel project. You've started jacking the structure off the iffy foundation, are you wanting to leave it on jacks (its more level, the doors and windows are working better but is that all you want?) or are you going to get a really good foundation under it to tie it to?

**WildChild** · 04-21-2011 08:16 AM

Originally Posted by MarkT

This love stuff- I'm beginning to think it just isn't cracked up to be everything it's supposed to be. It's more of a pain in the keester than anything else. People make simple things too complicated, they think- and then it all goes downhill from there. The human mind seems to get in the way of everything good - well... except judgement and just when you think it was a good idea, it all goes down the drain. If this doesn't work out, I'm done with any kind of relationship with any female. I love females, it's just not worth the hassle and pain. I've had my fill of it all. Back to magazines and dreams, I guess.

It's about growth. Its about learning. giving, receiving, finding your true joy.

**MarkT** · 04-21-2011 08:45 AM

WC, I've got to watch that video. I want the solid as bedrock foundation. I truly do. I know it sounds like I just want sex, but it isn't really sex I want. I want the closeness, the touching and everything else. I want so badly for her to feel it, enjoy it and crave it. I know it's been a short time span, but I suffer from Lovemaking ADD. I have attention deficit disorder and get distracted very easily. Well, except for this- I guess I'm like the impatient boss, I don't want excuses, I want results. I know it's not an overnight quest I seek, it's a long term committment.
Does any of this make sense? I have a hard time explaining things that I feel without going into detail about them. If I don't, I feel like I won't get the answers I need to hear and sometimes don't want to hear.
I'm an odd, odd creature, eh?
I don't want her pat on the back, I want her to sit on my face. Terrible aren't I-