Thread: Helping My Boyfriend Realize It's Not His Fault

Hey all,

I've posted on here before about my inability to orgasm either at my own hand or anyone else's. Well, I was able to see my boyfriend a couple months back and I discovered the power of his magic fingers - he got me closer to the brink than I've ever gotten before, and even though I couldn't quite push myself over the edge to achieve orgasm, he gave me the best sexual experiences of my life with those fingering moves. Even though I didn't orgasm, I loved every second and I'm very anxious to continue the process when I see him next

Recently however, I get the feeling that he feels really inadequate because he didn't get me to the point of orgasm. I'll tell him something about how much I loved his finger moves and he'll say something like, "Then why couldn't you c-- from them?" Today I told him about this incredible dream I had about him where he got me to orgasm multiple times and he didn't respond quite as much as I thought it would.

I really want to reassure him that it's not his fault that I haven't orgasmed yet, and it really isn't. I still love when we're intimate even if that's not part of the package yet, and it certainly doesn't make me love him any less. He certainly doesn't neglect me in any way but I get the feeling he feels like it's some kind of failing on his part. It's not as if I could orgasm with other people and not with him; I've never done it with anyone, myself included. Any suggestions on how I can convince him that it's not his fault that it hasn't happened yet and that I'm having a heck of a good time trying? Thanks

"You can lead a horse to water but you cannot make it drink"

Same thing with your BF and his feeling inadequate or whatever because he can't make you orgasm. Funny, in a sarcastic way, but he should not be able to "make" you do anything.

I think you both need to just relax. Lower your/his expectations in the bedroom and share intimacy at whatever level you experience it. Intimacy is a lot more than orgasms and ejaculation.

The ladies in here may have better ideas for you than I about your ability/inability to orgasm. Perhaps you could PM one of them for some sound one on one advice

Of course continuing to share your story in here, may help someone else with the same or similar concern, which is one of the beautiful things about this place....helping others.

Touche - I should have used a word other than "make;" it shouldn't be connoted negatively

It's not really about orgasming at this point, for me - what we have, I enjoy, and whatever comes will come. I also don't want to make him sound like he's insecure or anything; I just get the feeling that it bothers him and I want to reassure him that it doesn't mean I view his prowess as decreased or anything. However, I will definitely keep in mind your tip for further relaxation to help ease stress, etc. Thanks

Aw. Get him to read your thread!

I think youre ace. A lot of people would've felt the pressure now and faked their orgasm thinking that theyre pleasing their partner. I admire your honesty with each other, it is really refreshing to read. I would throw some facts at him, such as only 25% of women reach orgasm during intercourse, 15% of women have never experienced an orgasm. Not surprisingly, 90% of orgasm problems are psychological.

I havent read your previous post (i will do) but I would suggest still trying to reach orgasm alone, as well as with your partner. If youre able to get a 'feel' for what youre looking to achieve with your boyfriend, i believe it'll be easier and it will take a bit of the pressure off you. Keep perservering and reassuring your man that he is doing everything that he can. Perhaps you could say something along the lines of, "I appreciate you trying and I realise that things are taking a while but it does take a while, and if you have heard any different, its because you have heard from people that are faking their orgasms"

Best of luck, your relationship sounds wonderfully healthy!

Tell him you are an extra challenge and the man who is up for it is the man who is patient, confident in himself and in it for the long haul.