Thread: Never had an orgasm

Hi. I'm new here. part of the reason i came here is to get womans perspective.

The basics.....I am 21. I had no experience in sex until last winter. Me and my boyfriend live apart so I only get to see him every couple months. being a virgin I didn't want to rush into sex...but he did enter me for the first time the last day we were together. It didnt last too long and i wasn't really expecting it to be good, but I was happy we had done it. he was not a virgin.

one of the things ive been worried about since we became sexually intimate is that i have never reached orgasm, even when masturbating on my own. i dont really know why. I think part of it is b/c I think about it so much and worry that its going to be scary. i dont really like not being in control. im also on birth control and i know that sometimes decreases sex drive.

my boyfriend says that sex is about making us both feel good, not about having an orgasm, but deep down i think he is frustrated. I think he's more disappointed in his own ability to please me. I havent told him I never achieved orgasm on my own but I have told him that I have a hard time with it myself. I reassure him all the time that I enjoy what he does and it's not him, it's me. I think too much and get distracted and worried.

he has done a lot to try to relax me, though. one time he gave me a full body massage with hot oil and then went down on me for a long time and then used this bullet type vibrator for like 20 minutes. it felt really good but i didnt even get close to orgasm. sometimes i think its a physical problem with me but i think its also a lot more on the mental side.

In reading about this problem online everyone's first words are usually to masturbate and learn about your body and what pleases you. I've tried that.. But sometimes when I masturbate it feels good up to a point and then I either lose feeling in my clit or it feels like ive become oversensitized and it's a little painful. sometimes i stop at this point but other times I try to persist through and no luck.

ive tried using lots of lube and that made it more pleasureable but still havent orgasmed. I also tried using toys, I have two small ones that I use sometimes but nothing really that penetrates. I definitely respond more to intense vibrations. ive tried reading things and watching "soft" porn (graphic sex scenes in movies) but still no luck. i think the next step is to try to watch porn but i don't really know where to get it because i'm hesitant to download it off the internet in case i get a virus or something.

I am starting to get frustrated now. I enjoy sexual acts with my boyfriend but masturbation isn't fun anymore. there used to be a time when i would just try to feel good and didn't even think about reaching orgasm but now its basically all i think about. when i tell myself to stop thinking about it i start thinking about something else.

any advice ladies? i dont really know where to go from here....thx