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Thread: Mismatched libido's

  1. 04-22-2011 12:32 AM #1
    swimgirl18
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    Default Mismatched libido's

    I consider myself to be a very sexual person. I am in my early twenties and am female. I have been in a relationship for just over a year with my boyfriend and for a better part of 7 months, our sex life has become conflicted. My boyfriend isn't the most sexual type of person. For instance when I spontaneously go down on him or try to arouse him because I am feeling aroused he doesn't often reciprocate. He will often say that he is feeling tired. I am usually the first one to initiate sex and give him blow jobs. Sometimes I will randomly give him a blow job and he loves them and will always finish, however, rarely will he ever go down on me. I feel like he is somewhat "lazy" in the bedroom which is why he may not be so into sex. Don't get me wrong...when we do have sex it is amazing and we both agree it is the best we've ever had, but I am worried about this because I have heard from numerous sex therapists that a matched libido is extremely important in a relationship. When I want to have sex and he does not I often can't sleep...it just doesn't seem fair. Is our relationship doomed because I want more sex than him?
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  2. 04-22-2011 01:05 AM #2
    swimgirl18
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    Default I need more sex! Help!

    *Mod combined posts*

    How do i get my boyfriend to have more sex with me. He often says he is "too tired". I'm in my twenties and love sex. He just isn't into as much as I am and it is great when we do have it, but getting there is such a chore!
    Last edited by LanaBear; 04-22-2011 at 10:35 AM.
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  3. 04-22-2011 04:37 AM #3
    jns
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    You could try to streamline the process so its light and fun. Sometimes there are too many rituals that remove spontaneity. Talk with him to find out what the problem is. What does he spend his time doing?
    I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
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  4. 04-22-2011 09:35 AM #4
    rcoreyus
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    Sadly a lot of people are in this situation and there isn't an easy fix. Different people enjoy different amounts of sex and that doesn't seem to change much with time. Don't expect it to improve, and don't think it is something YOU can change. I've been married 25 years now hoping that my wife would eventually want more sex - it hasn't happened and it won't happen.

    Unfortunately my advice is that if sex is important to you, then you need a new relationship - otherwise you are setting yourself up for long term frustration and unhappiness. The longer you stay in this type of relationship, the more difficult you will find it to leave - it seems somehow wrong to leave a long term relationship "just because of sex".

    In a mismatched relationship the one with the lower sex drive controls the sex life, and that leaves the one with the higher sex drive feeling resentful. You won't turn him down for sex because you aren't getting enough, so he gets sex whenever he wants, and only when he wants. He will get whatever he wants in bed since you are so desperate for intimacy. You will only get the things he likes, because you will take whatever you can get.

    There are a few posters here where things have improved, but for most of the people in this situation, things do not get better. Some leave, some stay unhappily.

    I honestly don't think a relationship can be happy if the sex life is bad.
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  5. 04-22-2011 10:49 AM #5
    MarkT
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    I wish I had the answer as I'm going through the same thing with my wife. It's a tough thing to go through, I wish my wife had the drive I have for just 3 seconds. That's all it would take. Being a guy, I'm always ready. It takes nothing to get me in the mood, wind blows, rainy day, snuggling, sunrise, it takes nothing at all sometimes. The scent of her walking past me always gets me hook, line and sinker, I'm her's to do anything she so desires. But, she doesn't desire-
    I know how you feel and wish I could help
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