Thread: Scared of Sex

I thought it was just a natural fear I have, but recently someone told me that it's not healthy that I'm scared to have sex. It's not as if I'm being forced to have or anything. Just the thought of it makes me squirm and sometimes cry. I fear my first gyno appointment (you can kinda guess my age right there) because... it's freaky. Something foreign searching inside of me. I swear, I'm making typos because just thinking about it... Blah!

When my guy friends tell me they've had sex recently I can't talk to them, I can't associate with them. I want nothing to do with them. It's horrible. A friend of mine told me a few days ago that it's natural for someone to feel the need to get laid everyone once in a while by a a person they know or don't know and I yelled at him and called him a horrible person and we haven't talked since. I seriously think they're something wrong with me.

Can anyone help me? And yes, I am a virgin.




....O_O

SO...UM...

Read this:

I found that marriage if not for me and therefore being a virgin until marriage is out of the question. Also, I don't want to lose my virginity in high school. As a matter of fact, I don't want to lose it in college either. Those 8 years are meant for me to concentrate on myself and my schoolwork. I want to be successful and I don't need a nagging boyfriend that wants sex constantly because it was good the first time or a baby holding me back. Now, I'm not saying that people who do have sex in high school/college or have a baby have less of a chance than I do, but that's how I see my life. When I feel mature, ready, and have the ability to accept the consequences, I'll have sex and I'll enjoy myself, married or not (I'll probably go through that phase in my 30's where I look at my married friends with babies and have an emotional breakdown ).

I had a rude awakening last night and that's why I'm so nice today. ^_^ I don't know what it was, but it made me feel better. I have a whole new outlook on life. I'm even trying to go vegan and lose weight. :P What a great night of sleep I had.

Yeah....Stop harassing me. You know who you are.

What are you scared of? Getting pregnant, the pain your first time? Have you been raised to fear it? Being scared and judging other people because they are having sex are two different things. You need to get down to what you really fear to be able to fix it.

Originally Posted by karale

What are you scared of? Getting pregnant, the pain your first time? Have you been raised to fear it? Being scared and judging other people because they are having sex are two different things. You need to get down to what you really fear to be able to fix it.

I'm not scared of getting pregnant or the STD's I could get.
I'm not scared of the pain. Personally, I think the pain is nonexistent.
I haven't been raised in an environment like that at all.

Well... Let's see. I think people are gross and disgusting for having premarital sex (that's just me so flame me if you feel the need to). Whenever I think of myself having sex at all I do get this chill down my spine and I feel dirty and it gets to the point where I want to cry. How can you fix that?

When you find someone who you are truly in love with maybe you will feel differently. You are thinking SEX. You should try focusing on the intimate bond that you will feel when you are making love with the person you are in love with.

I have only had sex with my husband. Although we had sex before we were married he is the only one, so I understand the way you feel on that subject.

Have you kissed someone? How do you feel thinking about that? How do you feel when you think about being in love and being held by that person?

This is where another problem kicks in that I won't spend much time with: I don't believe in love, so that whole intimate bonding thing is out the window.

I tried analyzing my problem and going through the process in my head. It all sounds silly to me. I'm in "love" with this guy, we've been together for a while, we get cuddly and such and when it's time for sex I can see myself pushing away with this look of grossnasty on my face.

How come someone feel so comfy about entering ME? Don't they mind the wetness, the natural smell, the tightness and the feeling? I would. I imagine myself curled into a ball in a corner rocking back and forth because he showed me his penis (not like I would actually do that).

I guess it's the feeling of knowing that I'm not a virgin anymore. Not that I believe being a virgin is being pure or anything, but the fact that it's one more thing that I can't consider myself as. Sometimes I think being a lifelong virgin sounds good and sometimes I wonder how my body would feel, but then I realize I have my own life to deal with things and then I get paranoid and think whatifIdietomorrowohmygod, something like that and I get depressed and cried because I didn't do all the things I wanted to do nor did I do the things that people usually do or experience before they die... Namely, having sex.

I have so many things going on in my mind.

Now.. about kissing. When I was 12 I had a boyfriend that was 15. Him and I dated for two years. After a year and a half of dating him and I finally kissed. Then... we progressed to oral sex in the back of his car, but that was one time. When I think about kissing him and being with him like that I feel happy and I wish we were back together, but he was a cheating ******* that can go to **** for all I care along with his car and new girlfriends. But whenever I consider him at all I get so excited and I just think...what if? But, that's me being a psycho.

How old are you?

How can you consider sex gross but oral sex fine. Did you perform it on him or him on you? You talk about the smell and wetness, all of that was there during oral.

I'm 16...

At the time oral was fine because I was soooo in love... I'd do anything for the kid, but now my whole outlook on life has changed.

And we performed on each other and yes, I did swallow.

My thoughts have no changed, but my relatives seem to know what's up with me. My aunt asked me a few questions about sex and she told me I was so weird about it.

Every person is different. What are you comfortable with? How much space do you want in an elevator, for example? What perfumes do you like? What food do you like? What colors do you like? See what I mean.

Normal means nothing. Be true to yourself.

When I was 16 I wanted to fall in love and have my first sexual experience so much. I did fall in love, and the night was pre-arranged to be special. I had never had any kind of intimate contact before.

At first sight, the male penis was an ugly thing to me, but I told myself that the important thing was showing and receiving affection. After the act, I was happy and fulfilled, not physically at all, but emotionally I was on a high.

I'm sorry to say that I never physically have enjoyed intercourse, although I have some sexual stirrings. But even masturbation is little better than a sneeze. That's just the way I am, and I accept that.

I was eventually married for 18 years and was faithful to my husband. Before I married I had known 19 different men over several years. The result was always the same for me. Some response was expected of me, so I learned to fake it.

Before I married my husband, before we even started serious dating, I told him about my minimal sexual response. He just paid no attention to me, and kept asking me about my feelings. So I just started faking with him also. At the time, though, it took all my courage that day to be honest with him from the beginning. And later I was so hurt when I realized he just ignored me.

We are now separated, because he has never really been there for me at all, though he still tells me he loves me. We couldn't have children. It meant so much to me, and almost nothing to him.

One other thing. I told my husband often that I don't like wet, tongue, French kissing. Again, he ignored that. I also told him that when we got into bed, there were moves he could make that would give me a little pleasure. Again, he ignored that also. In three minutes, he was always ready to go. That was it.

I'm not the one to give advice. But it seems to me you need to stop and think. You're not crazy. But a lot of women are willing to go against their own feelings to conform. The society has been "romanced to death," and that's the name of a book that came out in the 1980's.

Whatever you do, take a lot of time, and I mean a lot of time, before you give up your virginity. It doesn't matter if you love him. What matter is the other side of the coin. Does he love you? Does he love you enough to stay when you are honest, when you are mad, when you're crying, when you're hurt? Will he be there for you?

It may take a couple of years to know a man that well. But somewhere, somehow we've got to realize we've all made too many mistakes. And that's why people's lives are in such a mess.

Hey, I used to be afraid of sex a few years ago, granted not to the extent as you, but still, i used to kind of tense up when i actually thought about what was happening and everything. I guess with time it just went away but im not really sure, Because i always had a curiousity about it and wanted to try it just to see what the big hype was and everything, but I was scared to. Well it eventually happened and i wasnt objecting to it because like you said about the guy you gave oral too "i was sooo in love with him" haha, but personally I don't think you should be so worried about why it scares you so much, with time I think you will figure out what it was. One of the main things I was scared about was how awkward it would be. It just seemed like it would be SOOO awkward like two naked people just like laying there... AWKWARD MUCH? hahah but seriously I think with time you will realize whts going on and what is scaring you so much and you will be able to get past it, or start to deal with it... and yes I agree with whoever said the penis is ugly... i STILL think it is disgusting... ugh. I hope this helped you!