Can't Orgasm from Oral

**katokathy** · 05-01-2011 12:57 AM

Hello everyone, I'm still a virgin girl and have been recently moving onto the oral sex level with my bf. Apparently I'm the first girl he's ever been down on so at first it was probably due to inexperience. But we've tried a couple more times now and it's definitely getting better. The problem is that I simply can't orgasm!

I do masturbate (but never inserted fingers till now), so I can get myself off only from clitoral stimulation though. It's kinda frustrating the both of us because he tries so hard but I never get there. There's been close calls but I always end up losing it right before I can let go. He usually tries to give me a g-spot orgasm by fingering and at first I was holding back because I felt embarrassed whenever I had that "urge to pee" sensation (or even squirting) but I somewhat bypassed that and tried relaxing more. Sometimes he stimulates my clit too much that it numbs out and it's almost impossible to get a c-spot orgasm instead. Out of all the times we tried, I had maybe 1-2 orgasms and they were pretty weak... Like a brief rush, twitch and I'm done.

I asked a friend about it and she said that I think too much... It's slowly improving because I told him not to make it the main and not focus on getting me there but just making me feel good so that it just happens. So far no luck. Is this just a mental thing??

**x.st.angel.x** · 05-01-2011 07:02 AM

Hi Katokathy! welcome to the forum

To me it definitely sounds like a mental thing, if you focus so hard on trying to orgasm you miss the entire point of it all lol. I say next time you and your bf try, just enjoy the moment and have no expectation of the outcome that way it will relax you both and in time i reckon it will happen! Give it a go!

**ItsASecret** · 05-01-2011 11:07 AM

Oral is not a required way to orgasm, if you cannot you simply cannot. That does not mean stop trying it just means relax. Trying to force something to happen will not make it happen. You need to just relax and let things happen on their own. Some women cannot orgasm at all from oral because it is just too soft of a feeling, I am one of those women. Instead, if it just will not get you there use other methods like fingers or rubbing to get you there and have oral as a nice addition but not a required orgasm addition.

**jns** · 05-01-2011 11:22 AM

Relaxing is good for oral. Another thing your bf can do is to stimulate your clitoris orally, then slow it down and possibly move to other places briefly, then go back at it again. If this cycle is repeated, it will heighten the sexual tension each time over the previous time. Finally after a few cycles, you should be ready to go over the edge.

Numbing out may be because of too much repetition. He should vary the action and find out different actions that excite you. Maybe flicking his tongue, using his upper lip or lower lip over his teeth to give more pressure, using the side of his tongue (somewhat rougher), tonguing your vagina and internal areas such as the urethral sponge, etc.

If he is willing to learn and explore, he can become good at oral.

**rcoreyus** · 05-01-2011 12:33 PM

Show him how you masturbate so he can learn the sort of rhythm you enjoy .

**katokathy** · 05-01-2011 08:21 PM

Thank you everyone for all the advices! When we try again, I will definitely try to relax more, though that's what I've been doing lol. It's just that once I feel it coming, I guess I kinda do hold back in embarrassment if I end up thinking I'm gonna pee or something. >_<;;

rcoreyus: I have done that before while he was down there and even limited the space with my fingers to let him know where to focus on more. He's definitely improved since before he wasn't even able to locate my clitoris lol (and it was always a miss). But after awhile even though I still want him to continue stimulating me there, once he moves on to fingering, all of a sudden it feels like I'm being rushed to have an orgasm. Like, instead of pulling out or varying things up a bit then go back; he'd just continue with thrusting like his goal is to get me there right away. Even when I want to slow down a bit so I can enjoy. Even from masturbating, I can go on for awhile before I orgasm (about 20mins+), but with him he tries to get me there in under 10mins and that's not enough for me. But once again I feel rushed, thinking he's getting tired and might not wanna be down there for that long...

I did find that one time we tried it under the covers so it was pitch black and that got me closer to going over the edge than previous times. So maybe turning off the lights is an option? Since apparently it "heightens" your senses more?

**katokathy** · 05-01-2011 08:25 PM

Oral is not a required way to orgasm, if you cannot you simply cannot. That does not mean stop trying it just means relax. Trying to force something to happen will not make it happen. You need to just relax and let things happen on their own. Some women cannot orgasm at all from oral because it is just too soft of a feeling, I am one of those women. Instead, if it just will not get you there use other methods like fingers or rubbing to get you there and have oral as a nice addition but not a required orgasm addition.

Mmmm... I'm not sure which type of woman I'd be because I still haven't had intercourse. But apparently there's women who either can't orgasm from oral but can from intercourse and vice versa... =S

**Texasred** · 05-02-2011 12:32 PM

Oral plus g-spot stimulation can be great fun too; just experiment!

Guys do have a tendency to be task-oriented, and you might try convincing him that it's the journey not merely the destination which is important here.

**katokathy** · 05-02-2011 06:17 PM

Originally Posted by Texasred

Oral plus g-spot stimulation can be great fun too; just experiment!

Guys do have a tendency to be task-oriented, and you might try convincing him that it's the journey not merely the destination which is important here.

Thank you Texasred! That also seems to be another problem factor~ He is quite goal-oriented to just get me there but I will let him know next time not to focus mainly on that.

**whit4488** · 05-02-2011 06:32 PM

im the same as you darling. i get off only by clitoral stimulation...no one can ever duplicate the orgasm i can give myself by doing so. i rarely orgasm during sex and have NEVER have experienced an orgasm during oral...however i do from being fingered(by him) i cant do it myself. its not mental for me...maybe its just our men!