Thread: need advice

In a new relationship and I get performance anxiety, this is nothing new and usually is not a problem for long, I have explained this to my girlfriend. While some encounter have been good for me, I havent been able to please her and she feels that we don't "connect". I have asked her what she likes, but she thinks that should come naturally. We are in our mid forties, I think with some patience and care we can work this out, but she seems to think there should be some soulmate connection. We have been together for about a month, but also had a brief and unfulfilled relationship in our twenties.

It seems like she is insecure within herself and thinks the reason that you are not aroused by her is that she is not good looking enough for you....
I know where you are coming from with the idea that patience and care things will get better, and there is no doubt that it probably will BUT a month is a long time to still have these issues. Have you not had any intercourse yet?

You both will need to make an effort if this is going to work out. Spend a quiet evening together where there are no disturbances, reassure her how sexy you think she is etc and set the mood for engaging foreplay.....make her your number one and show it through words and actions.

If your partner is not willing to put the effort in and still feels their is no connection then I would think about ending things as that "connection" is more then sex and if she doesn't feel that then there is nothing much you can do to get her to feel that way....