Unable to orgasm

**Belladonna** · 05-03-2011 03:48 PM

I'm 23yrs old and dating a 36yr old man.I have known this man for 4months now(we work together)and the relationship started about a month ago.He is very handsome and I'm very attracted to him,he is also good at whatever he does but during foreplay I cant seem to get wet(I do later on during sex) and although it feels really good and we like the same things in bed,I cant seem to achieve an orgasm.He has questioned me about it and I think it's started to affect him,like maybe I'm not that into to him,which isnt true.Of course this adds more pressure on me.I should mention that a few months ago,I got out of a 2.5yr relationship and the break-up wasn't pretty,he's still lingering in the background begging me to return and that he has changed his ways(I have no intention of going back to him).With this previous b/f we rarely had sex,an average of once a month,sometimes more-sometimes less.He wasnt very sexual....Could it be possible that my libido just needs a little time to adjust?Could it be that I'm just stressed by the whole new experience of dating an older man?Feedback is welcome.

**LanaBear** · 05-03-2011 03:52 PM

You are still in a new relationship. You need to give it time, so yeah, I think you need to give your body and libido time to adjust.

Does he please you during foreplay? Do you tell him what you want? Do you want him to be doing something more, something less? How are the lines of communication?

**Belladonna** · 05-03-2011 05:18 PM

During the pre-foreplay part when we're kissing,undressing & touching,thats when I dont get wet.When the main foreplay starts,I will get wet during oral but then sometimes during sex I might "dry out" even though its very good. Its frustrating cause I really fancy this guy and I know I can get really wet,even too much sometimes,its just not happening with him.Yes,he pleases me during foreplay.Yes,I tell him what I like although I'm pretty much satisfied with what he does anyway.Communication is good.The truth is I feel a little intimidated-insecure-kinda stressed cause he's very handsome and I know he must've been with many women and there are always many chasing him and also the fact that he's older and more experienced than me.I've only been sexually active for 5yrs,not that long really.Perhaps I am also stressed by the issue with the ex b/f? So,does it sound like its more or less due to stress and not being relaxed?

**Jimbeau** · 05-03-2011 06:36 PM

Originally Posted by Belladonna

So,does it sound like its more or less due to stress and not being relaxed?

Yes. Don't know if you're a drinker but have you tried having a glass of wine first? Sounds like you just need to calm down a little. I can see the male version of happening to me if I were ever lucky enough to have an interlude with Salma Hayek.

**Belladonna** · 05-03-2011 07:11 PM

Yeah,I've thought about having a drink beforehand but havent done it yet.Will test it and let you know :P

**jns** · 05-03-2011 08:26 PM

Instead of having sex, why don't you have several naked playing sessions. Just explore each others bodies and nip (not too hard) and kiss at will. Do not progress to sex, just play. Become comfortable with each other.

Even though he is older than you, he may not understand how you orgasm. Talk with him and guide him on what feels good. Relax, relax, relax. You are not going to break him, even though he is handsome.

**Belladonna** · 05-04-2011 01:29 PM

Thankyou so much for the advice.

**Belladonna** · 05-15-2011 03:26 AM

Time for an update..We have met up several times since my last post and each time was better than the last.During the last few "sessions" I was able to get wet even before foreplay and stay wet althrough intercourse.Last night I finally climaxed,more than once actually,and the big suprise was I actually squirted..!I have never done this before!I always thought you're either a squirter or you're not and I had more or less excepted the fact that I probably wasn't one.It was a great experience and I'm so happy it happened with this guy.I'll probably be smiling stupidly now for the rest of the day..