My Boyfriend seems to prefer masturbation rather than sex. Is this normal? PLZ HELP!

**tania81** · 05-03-2011 07:08 PM

Hi, I am new here and i am desperate for some feedback as I dont know what else to do. I hope someone finds the time to read all of this and replys back to me. I am 30 years old and have been with my partner for 4 years. He is 26. We were best mates before we got together. I have an 11 year old child also from a previous relationship.

Ok, well I consider myself to have a very VERY high sex drive. I can have sex morning, noon, night and snacks inbetween & for the past 4 years me and my partner have been together there has been none of that! I mean at first we were having not alot of sex, but more than it is today! It is the month of may and since the start of this year, we have had sex 3 times!!! I know he masturbates alot and we have even spoken about it and he says he will try harder and never seems to do anything about it!!

He is not the kind of man to make the first move, he never has since we have been together. He is not very out there either if u know what i mean. He wont have sex in a shower, too small he says, bath is a no no, outside is NO, its just in the bed and thats it.

He comes from a great family and his parents seperated when he was 10 but they are still great mates and talk. He lived with his mum and 2 sisters after the seperation and thats why i feel he is girly and likes me to make the moves. Just recently i spoke to him about it again as this is frustrationg me, we are fighting more about it and once again he said he sees my point and will change. only 3 days later, i feel asleep on the couch and woke up in the morning to go back to bed and he was masturbating!!!!!! is something wrong with me? He never has morning sex with me and i almost feel like cheating on him but i wont as i am not like that.

It doesnt help that he is not a romantic nor an affectionate person. I dont know what to do, i love him with all my heart but i feel so rejected and lost. he knows he can have sex with me anytime, anywhere at anyplace but still .... NOTHING!!! I just want to know, is there such a thing out there where some guys do prefer masturbating rather than have sex? I mean, he lost his virginity to a hooker for goodness sakes at 17 so he paid for it where as im here for free!!! He is a very good looking male aswell. Please help. Im sorry for writting so much. FEEDBACK OR INFORMATION ABOUT IF MASTURBATION IS A PROBLEM WILL BE GREATLY APPRECHIATED!!!

**jns** · 05-03-2011 08:35 PM

Nothing is wrong with you. He probably feels more comfortable with his hand than with you. Have you tried having him quit masturbating for a while to see if he is more frisky? Note I said quit not less.

Just so you know, guys usually don't change. It sounds like you two are sexually incompatible, and he is not willing to try to meet in the middle. A question, would sex once a day at a minimum seem reasonable or 2 or 3 times a week or 2 or 3 times a month?

**tania81** · 05-03-2011 08:43 PM

I would also like to add that when we use to go out and drink, we would go to bed and i would get woken up with a totaly different person. Him touching me, wanting sex!! yes sex!! it seemed he had more confidence when he was drunk! He hasnt done this is a while tho and there has been many times he has come to bed drunk and nothing. I know deep down he is a little kinky as 1 time (he was drunk) we were in the spa all night (yes i was sober) and we were talking, flirting having a good time. It lead to sex of course but it lead to something we have NEVER done before and the look on his face was a look i have never seen before! Please dont judge and no hurtful, mean comments, but i asked him to wee on me and he did! he loved it and it doesnt get me exited but at that moment i liked it alot. He did it in my mouth and on my body and he even was rubbing it on his body and stuff!!! i know this prob sounds gross and i apolagize but this is the kinda person i am and he knows this, im a very very kinky woman and loves sex and i feel like im going into a shell and becoming a person im not. I just dont understand why he would choose his hand over a very over sexual woman who is willing to let him do anything and everything to.

PLEASE HELP WITH ADVICE SOMEONE!!! I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS NORMAL, DOES THIS HAPPEN TO ALOT OF WOMEN OUT THERE AND ANY MALES OUT THERE WITH KNOWLEDGE PLEASE HELP!!!!!

thank you and this is serious and my wording may not be written correctly or i may have spelling mistakes, but im not here to write a book to be published, im here to try and get help and advice. any information would be appriciated alot!

**tania81** · 05-03-2011 08:48 PM

I havent asked him to stop as its not the wanking that bothers me, he can do that 50 times a day for all i care as its normal, i just want him to remember he is in a relationship and i have needs to and i want him in a sexual way and for us to have sex. I have asked him can we have sex 2 or 3 times a week or even once a week but he says to me he doesnt like to plan when its going to happen, it will happen when it happens ...... BUT IT NEVER DOES!!! i just dont get it. im there next to him but he doesnt touch me/ hug me or anything but i feel as soon as i leave the house he jumps at his tool. i just feel like and dont know what to do anymore

**waya** · 05-03-2011 09:30 PM

Sadly, this subject has been written about a lot on this forum and I have experienced it myself. You should do a thread search, that will yield a lot of information.

**tania81** · 05-03-2011 10:04 PM

how do you do a thread search? im new on this site. I have been told alot of stories like this but alot of men seem to be pleasing themselves to porn where as my partner doesnt need porn (but of course still looks at it if im not around), he just does it.

**WildChild** · 05-04-2011 12:34 AM

Scroll down below the reply box and you will see a list of Similar threads, that would be a place to start.

I've dealt with this too. Masturbation is fast, they handle themselves with a much firmer grip than you can create, they are in total control. It is also a way to avoid intimacy.

I was with a man who would masturbate as much as 10 times a day. He seemed to do it more for stress release or boredom than anything else. He actually chaffed his penis from jerking off so much. I have a high sex drive too. What he wanted most from me was bjs and hjs.

About all you can do is talk to him. He will have to stop for probably several weeks to get so he is more sexually balanced. I tried everything I could think of, massage, giving him what he wanted (this meant I gave a lot of bjs and got nothing reciprocated) backing off, talking, nothing seemed to make a difference for more than a week or two.

**spurzzz** · 05-04-2011 04:36 AM

It seems your boyfriend has major insecurity issues within himself that he needs to address. You may think he doesn not want to do a lot but think about why? There may be other issues he is supressing that is making him be secluded and not so sexual with you....

It seems like he is addicted to Masturbation somewhat, perhaps even porn. It is a mental thing more then anything and he may have to get help for that. Suggest counselling of some sort, with advice from your doctor as to what the problems are....

Please don't think it is anything to do with you, it clearly is not, so try not to let this affect your confidence or self-esteem. Highlight your concerns to your boyfriend and tell him help is needed and be their to support him all the way.

**oxy-moron** · 05-04-2011 04:42 AM

Hi
Masturbating is a way to suppress his drive so that he can avoid intimacy.
I dont think you can turn a labrador into an attack dog- no matter how you try.
He may have been doing it a long time so that it has reduced his ability to relate sexually with a real women. This is well documented. So could be turned around if gave up the porn. It would take a while.