Married - need help in the bedroom :/

**Monica6186** · 05-05-2011 11:18 AM

Need help dont know where to start. We have been together for 2.5yrs married 1yr now. I have a 6yr old from a previous relationship. We have a little age difference me 25 & him 30. He was married before but no kids. When we first met & having sex I would always start it weather we where out in public in the shower or the car. & He loved it. Now when I try he blows me off or tells me to stop. Now he says he ddnt even know what I was hinting at. He feels that pintching my nipple in the bed with his rough hands is him starting it. All it does is hurt. He has rough hands and is not gental at all... when toughing or kissing.. and cums very quickly.. he doesnt kiss me or my body in a sexual way. But i do to him and hope he will catch on. he grabs pintches and probs and not in a gental way at all. I find my self not wanting t have sex anymore. I guess I thought over time It may get better but its not. I dont know if I should ask females or males or see a theropist with or without him. I am a very sexual person & I think about sex all the time and want it all the time I just dont really enjoy it with him. What can I do to help. I dont know how to even talk to him about this. I know that I have to soon so I am asking for advise so I can think about it more before I do.

**pretzel** · 05-05-2011 11:51 AM

I guess my initial question is what you feel his reaction would be to your talking about it? Would it be defensive? Would he be insulted? Or, would he take your words as constructive and an offer to try to be more in tune with your wants and needs?

I'm getting a sense that the issue isn't the desire part, but techniques that he either won't use or doesn't know how the feel to you.

As a start for you before you talk to him, spend a few minutes in the other threads, namely the Books on Sex. There some great recommendations and suggestions that you may find helpful.

**pretzel** · 05-05-2011 11:51 AM

I guess my initial question is what you feel his reaction would be to your talking about it? Would it be defensive? Would he be insulted? Or, would he take your words as constructive and an offer to try to be more in tune with your wants and needs?

I'm getting a sense that the issue isn't the desire part, but techniques that he either won't use or doesn't know how the feel to you.

As a start for you before you talk to him, spend a few minutes in the other threads, namely the Books on Sex. There some great recommendations and suggestions that you may find helpful.

**innocent_eyes** · 05-05-2011 05:23 PM

You definately need to talk to him, communication is essential in a relationship.

I know your probably afraid of hurting his feelings but in the long run it will work out best for you. Initially he may feel hurt but after talking and showing him what you like, you know he will feel amazing and confident when he is able to satisfy you and see how much you enjoy it.
Sex is obviously an important part of a relationship for you, so dont feel like you should do without. You are obviously making an effort with him so he needs to start returning the favours

I know in my relationship we discus everything openly, particularly sex. Even after being intimate, wel be lying down and might say oh i loved when you did that etc.
Were also not shy to give a little helping hand, I know when i was giving my boyfriend a hand job at the start of relationship he would subtly guide my hand with the pace etc (i didnt have much experience) and I was delighted he did because then i knew what to do in future. I do the same with him and hes now an expert

Dont make the mistake I did with a previous relationship. I never talked about what he was doing wrong, which was alot (never liked what he did) and began to dread having sex with him because it was so unpleasant. He never mentioned anything either so was just a lost cause. I sometimes wonder if we had just talked more openly maybe it could have improved.

TALK TO HIM, maybe mention it subtly, i know cosmo mag has loads of sex tips etc, leave it around the house or let him see you reading it and tell him a tip in it that looks fun and maybe ye could try it sometime. And dont worry its only a small bump in the road.
Best of look
Enjoy

**oxy-moron** · 05-05-2011 06:41 PM

Hi
you could try buying some body butter or massage oil and tell him you want to get into body massage- not for sex-but for health benefits.
Don't concentrate on Genitals- rather the back-neck and legs-feet.
He will not get insulted that you are questioning his technique but you could let it flow to sex once you were warmed up by the massage.
If he doesnt want to give the massage you will still get benefit from being the provider of the massage. Once you have warmed him up with your hands you could start to use the rest of your body- if you know what I mean.
OR
you could trade him in.

**Monica6186** · 05-05-2011 06:58 PM

Thanks for the replys.. I am affraid he may be defensive bcuz thats how is is on other topics in general but im going to just try talking to him anyhow. bcuz i dont want it to get worse or i would have no choice but to trade in lol .. thanks again

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