My girlfriend is shy, tips having sex with her?

**JaneC09** · 05-06-2011 02:15 PM

My girlfriend is painfully shy, but not shy enough that we're not intimate with each other. We've been going out for a couple of months, and so far all we've done is kiss and feel each other up a little.

The other day I talked to her a bit about sex, and she admitted she's ready. I'm still not sure, it's difficult to communicate with her. Anytime I talk to her about this subject, she feels uncomfortable. So we plan on making love this weekend, or at least I plan on it. Can anybody give me tips on how to go about this? Should I let her make the first move? Should I make a move if she doesn't do so? I've really never dealt with a girl this shy and non-verbal. She's a beautiful girl, just very timid. I don't think she's a virgin, but I wouldn't be surprised if she was.

I get the feeling that maybe pulling out toys and lingerie may scare her. I think she might have a glove fetish. She wears gloves all the time and talks about how much she likes them. However, wearing gloves in the bedroom may scare her as well.

Again, any tips on having sex with her would be most appreciated. Thanks

**LanaBear** · 05-06-2011 02:24 PM

Do you know if you are her first lesbian relationship, or possibly first sexual lesbian relationship?

Could that be where her shyness is coming from?

I would take it as slow as possible and keep thing "vanilla". I hate using that word, but it was the only thing I could think of. Don't bring out the fetishes, don't bring out the toys, etc. Just keep it to the two of you until she kind of comes into her own. If she says she's ready, well, then she thinks she is ready. Keep that in mind though. Go slow and try to make it about her and her pleasure the first few times.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 05-06-2011 02:29 PM

Aren't you the one with the glove fetish?

Is this a new partner you haven't been dating long?

**spurzzz** · 05-06-2011 02:40 PM

I would love to help.....really....... ............ ....................... *slaps self*
Sorry where was I....

Right help.
I wouldn't come on too strong as that may add to her tension and make things worse, chances are she will be expecting this move from you soon and is very scared. Relaxation is the key, try to make for a romantic setting and ease the tension by enjoying each others company, sharing a few jokes etc
Cuddle up, get close and work your way in....look for her cues, is she nervous or just not wanting it?
Spend plenty of time touching, kissing, and eventually slowly moving onto other forms of sex (finger sex, masturbation together, oral sex, etc). Let yourself feel comfortable and relaxed.

If she doesn't want sex, you may want to see why? Now is the time to ask.

Think I need to lie down for a bit.

**JaneC09** · 05-06-2011 02:51 PM

This isn't her first lesbian relationship, but in terms of first sexual relationship, I'm not sure.
I do have a glove fetish too, yes. She wears gloves a lot too, who knows. She's a new girl I'm dating, met her a few months ago. We've been dating, but never got past kissing or feeling each other up (second base).
I figured I'd have to go slow. I almost feel like while we're in the bedroom, I'd need to ask her before I do anything. Or should I just do it if it feels okay?

**FortunsFoole** · 05-06-2011 04:48 PM

I know communication is key, even in the bedroom... for sure... but sometimes with someone so shy if you spring questions on her in an intimate position like that before you've gotten to know each other a bit more sexually and gotten more comfortable being with each other that way... it can be extremely overwhelming and cause a lot of anxiety. She may feel expected to perform.. and if she's already clamming up.. things could shut up very tight and it Could take you a couple steps back. Not saying that it will, but it's a possibility.

Sometimes the best times to figure out where she stands and what she's interested in, or for you to share with her what you like, would be in a place where there's no pressure... like a public setting, but where people can't hear you(a walk at a park maybe?).. so there's no feelings of the conversation actually initiating sex. If she's having a hard time talking.. maybe asking her leading questions would be easier for you to get the answers you need for now. I think if she's willing to answer them... and she see's and hears you being open with yourself and also supportive of what she is communicating to you.. she will probably be a lot more relaxed talking about it, not to mention excited and be more forthcoming on her own about what she likes/wants to try.

Is her shyness only a personality trait, or does she have a lot of self image issues? Low self confidence? If that's so... genuine impromptu compliments can sometimes help to break down that barrier like no other. More emphasis on the details(beyond a general how beautiful, nice or funny she is, even though that's always awesome to hear). It'll help show her you are really into her by noticing all the little things. When she finally starts "feel" the compliments instead of shrug them off.. it's like striking gold.

Those are things that really helped me having been on the extremely shy side of the relationship.

**WildChild** · 05-06-2011 06:31 PM

Can you talk with her about some of this before hand? You could open a conversation with something like,"I was reading on a discussion forum about different people's attitudes toward sex. Its amazing how many different ideas people have, what do you think about....?" Then you could bring up, how soon in a relationship do you think you should move into sex? What different approaches?
Hopefully you could open the door to a good conversation and get a better feel for her limits and what she is into.

**jns** · 05-06-2011 06:35 PM

Congratulations on your new relationship.

Have you discussed about each other orgasming? This could be the next step beyond feeling up. Don't go for oral sex or toys unless she asks or indicates that she wants to try that. But you learning how to get her to orgasm and she learning how to get you to orgasm will definitely bring the relationship forward. If she hasn't done this before, she may be very shy, so go slowly. Be expressive when she does something you like, it will help her confidence.

Has the kissing been mostly limited to the face and neck or has it progressed to other places that can be stimulated?

**Beautiful Disaster** · 05-06-2011 07:51 PM

Thats great you've found someone who shares a bit of your fetish. It sounds things may just happen naturally.

Don't be afraid to initiate a bit, if she's shy, initiation may never happen if it's totally left up to her.

**Little_Man_in_the_Boat** · 05-10-2011 11:29 AM

You don't have to plan anything.

All you have to do is take her out and do things that are fun together, really get to know her and love her, don't see getting her laid as a target.

Wake up and smell the roses.

Its the journey not the destination that is important.

I never ask a women if she is ready, just make her dinner, try to talk to her, cuddle her.

Play with her hair ( her hair must be really clean and dry to do this) run your fingers tips through her hair really gently like you are holding and squeezing a tennis ball try this on yourself it has to be done really gently and without pulling her hair.

Some hairdressers call this a scalp massage.

You have to know the difference between rubbing and caressing, caressing is as gentle as the wings of a butterfly rubbing is what insensitive guys do that are clumsy and sloppy.

Try this on your self and ask yourself is that pleasant or too rough.

Ideally your hands and fingers need to be soft and you must be careful NOT to pull the hair out or to jerk the hair so as to cause discomfort or pain.

Try to need to scalp kinda like you are kneeding dough and squeezing a tennis ball ...

Hard to describe to someone, you need to experiment on yourself that way you have the feedback as to how it feels.

The ears are very sensitive to so you can caress them - circle the outer ridge of the ears and the inner area of the ears.

If it makes her skin goosey thats good thats what your trying to do.

Kissing is an art so kissing her really gently and slowly is erotic for a females and guys to.

Really gentle biting the top lip but it must not be uncomfortable.

Make sure your teeth are really clean and your mouth is really clean brush your teeth and gargle with mint wash.

Ideally you have to build on the emotions, you have to feel something for her but you can still caress her for hours to build the sexual tension ultimatley its this tension that will produce orgasm.

To produce that you just have to keep caressing her for hours on end until you notice sweat above her top lip and sweaty face and body, the longer you caress the more aroused she will become, until finally she will be on the threshold of orgasm.

Now I'm not saying you cant get there but it takes dedication to get there impatience will never reach that place.

I never pressure a female if she aint ready dont force it wait for the right time if shes receptive then keep going, if not stop.

You need to know that what you are doing is pleasurable, if its not change something, less pressure keep moving, dont stick to grinding the pubic mound which is not what I do at all.

I caress a females body for a very long time, I dont go straight for the vagina or vulva, that is selfish and about your needs NOT hers, its her needs that you must pleasure first in order for her to pleasure you.

So if you have cuddled her and kissed her (kissing is the fourth state of courtship) after that sexual intercourse, but dont rush her, be considerate and do it really slowly and gently.

I always caress a womens body first I never dive for the genitals and start to grind a womens vulva that is stupid and just plain doesnt work.

Forget about porn that is commerce not the art of making love to a female and getting her to orgasm.

I know what I do works.

What you do with your hands and how you do it is so important.

Caressing a females body has a cathartic affect, it calms them and it feels nice and relaxing ...

So you should caress them ALL over first with gentle circling motions of your hands, on their abdomen, around their breasts (avoid touching their breasts initially) up and down their toro, all the way down to their feet (dont tickle their feet) insides of their legs this is erotic use circling motions like little vortices go around and around on the tops of their legs, the bottom of their legs, the sides of their legs inside and out.

You do the same to their middle sections and also the chest initially avoiding their breasts.

Ask them to turn over and do their back and buttocks and backs of legs same thing keep the circling motions of your hands gliding over their skin take note of the chicken or goose like bumps that it produces if that happens its working ...

Eventually after an hour or more (the longer you do this the better) your arms start to ache change over to the other side so you can give your other arm a rest.

OK so its been a long time and depending on if you want to go to orgasm or not you have to decide yourself if you want to try for it.

Its affective stimulation that gets her to the threshold of orgasm, its only after many hours that she will really start to get wet from the caressing, its pusing beyond that sweating that a female experiences an orgasm.

You will either give up on it or keep going with it but you must understand something, it must be affective stimulous,if for some reason it aint working it could be a multitude of things that are not right.

Its beyond my control to know what you are doing wroing if she doest respond to this stimulous.

At some point in time you them get closer to the breasts and genitals but again be so gentle and so slow DONT grind the vulva, its a very sensitve organ ANGLE GRINDER BAD, gentle caressing is good.

Don't violently thrust your fingers into a female thats retarded and dont work.

Your better to gently rub the lower part of the vaginal opening like your applying grease to a inlet valve just around the lip slighly inside but only just.

The g-spot thing to me is stupid and just makes them sore and not want to go any further.

Caressing their breasts with your hands circle the nipple and sucking can be nice for a women to.

Circle around their breasts over the breasts, up and down in and out keep that circling motions going ....

Kiss her around the ears thats a powerful errogenous zone I like to lick up to their earlobe and maybe a little across their ears with the tip of my tongue.

Again look for the signs on their skin (goose bumps)

If she is sweaty thats a really good thing.

Aventually she will start to get really wet in the vagina thats good keep the caressing going ...

If you just cant be bothered well thats a shame because if you do keep going she will eventually have an orgasm thats how it happens.

OK now take note of her breathing and her heart rate, the faster the heart rate the better, orgasm is when her heart is beating like a little toy drum in her chest at 200 beats per minute.

Through experimentation and experience you will learn how to get a women off.

So give it a go and see how you go.