My wife hates my cum - HELP!

**bob-smith** · 05-06-2011 10:37 PM

I know this is a common problem for men and a lot of the advice / replies posted to this are, well, less than helpful - so let me start by saying something REALLY important: I love my wife. We’ve been together for over 12 years, have a fantastic life together, enjoy each others’ company and are intimate quite regularly. This issue is not a deal breaker, I am not going to “find someone who loves it” and I am CERTAINLY not interested in making her do something she doesn’t want to.

Also, while we’re on important: I don’t want to sound like I’m criticizing her. I’m not. I’m simply trying to be as descriptive about this as possible. Don’t reply saying I’m a selfish tool - I’m not. I’ve a very considerate, patient man who knows when it’s time to ask for advice.

With all that out of the way, here’s the issue: My wife does not like cum. In fact, she doesn’t like bodily fluids in general - mine, hers or anyone else’s.

She doesn’t like the feel, the texture and definitely not the taste. I’m not “allowed” to cum in her mouth, on her face, on her neck or on her shoulders. She won’t kiss me after I’ve gone down on her, either. Also, when we’re watching an adult movie (which she requests regularly) she closes her eye’s during the “money-shot” and physically winces when someone spits on their hand or partners’ “bits” for lubrication. I’d hate to think what would happen if she ever saw a “Water Sports” video!!

If we’re messing around, she DOES quite enjoy having me squirt on her chest or arse, but as soon as “the moment” is over, I’m on immediate (and thorough) clean-up duty. Similarly when I cum inside her; immediately after we’ve both “finished”, she’s straight to the bathroom for clean up - sooner if there’s a break in proceedings.

Once an appendage has been insider her (fingers, tongue, ), it’s not “allowed” to come in contact with any other part of her body without a thorough wash. I’m OK to put it back where it was, but she wouldn’t hold my hand after I’ve put my fingers inside her, let alone anything else.

Using lubricant for anything other than putting things inside her is also forbidden, which isn’t such an issue until there’s a vigorous hand-job involved. :-(

We have discussed this with each other at length. She’s also made HUGE and VERY MUCH APPRECIATED efforts to get past it (including spending a couple of months consistently swallowing to try and get used to it), but to no long-term avail.

As mentioned - for me, this is not a deal breaker; more of an annoyance than anything else (and yes, everything else in the relationship is fine, so there’s nothing else to “fix”). We’ve found ways around some things (flavoured condoms for fellatio, washing my face and brushing teeth immediately after cunnilingus, etc), but they’re inconvenient and break the mood. It also kinda stings to see her reaction to what is, ultimately, the most personal thing I can give her (and let’s face it, dry reaching is never sexy).

I WAS HOPING for some considered advice on how to help her past her aversion. Ideas? Tips? Tricks (not deceptive ones)? Especially from someone who’s overcome the same issue. She’s keen to keep trying, but we’re at a loss for good ideas shy of professional therapy.

**jns** · 05-06-2011 10:43 PM

It is not in her nature to get used to your or her body fluids. If you want to continue the relationship you will have to get used to it. Was she always like this?

**Hopeless Dork** · 05-06-2011 11:03 PM

Its one of those things bob. Some people don't like green beans. Some people don't like heights. Some people hate granola. Some people can't stand dogs... people are people, they have their quirks, their likes and dislikes. Your wife doesn't like body fluids... even with therapy, that may not change. Its a good thing its not crucial to your happeiness because odds are, its going to be as it is. Either she will suck it up (pardon the pun) and deal with it to make you happy -- which would obviously make you feel too guilty to enjoy it, or she will not ever tolerate or enjoy it. Either way... its just one of those things.

I love my boyfriends ejaculations, but then again... I've never been squeemish, about textures or bodily fluids etc.. I never let a guy ejaculate in my mouth because I thought it slooty... but when I met him I felt differently about all that and absolutely love the feel, taste, texture, the smell of it from him.

I don't like boogers though. No matter how much I love him, I probably couldn't eat his boogers without throwing up in my mouth... lol. If her aversion to semen is like an aversion to boogers... nothings gonna make that better. You can't eat enough pineapple to make a booger taste good, you just can't. Its a mental thing. And if her mental thing is being anti body fluids... there is no pretty way to dress it up to make her like it any better. Sorry

But at least you have a happy loving wife and you are a lucky guy for that.

**bob-smith** · 05-06-2011 11:05 PM

Yes, she's always been like this - and yes, we'll be continuing the relationship. As mentioned in the original post, SHE want's to get past it. She's tried and failed a couple of times, but is consistently getting better. What I'm looking for advice to help her.

**bob-smith** · 05-06-2011 11:12 PM

Hopeless Dork
You're most likely correct, and I do consider myself lucky. Also, I'm completely turned off as soon as she does something she doesn't like, so I'm not going to force her to do something just to make me happy (that NEVER works long term, anyway).

What was different about your current man that changed your view? Did he do or say something? Was it the way he made you feel? Sorry to ask you to quantify it (and I'm not sure it applies to our situation), but I am curious.

**Hopeless Dork** · 05-06-2011 11:25 PM

Well prior to him my sexual encounters with guys were largely to fullfill their needs... I had no idea what I even wanted sexually besides their attention in that moment. I spent time discovering my own sexual desires, my own fantasies... developed, grew, sexually -- completely on my own. When I met him I was physically attracted, we had a strong chemistry... I was comfortable in what I wanted, what I liked... and I went for it with him, unregrettabely

No it doesn't taste like honey... but the flavor is uniquely his and its a sexual flavor that you cannot get anywhere else. Its his orgasm in liquid form... its tactile proof of his pleasure, on my body or going down my throat and it turns me on more than anything...

...and so I'd say 50% of my feelings about it has to do with him and the way he makes me feel , and the other is just my feelings about sexual pleasure in general - that leads me to enjoy... really really enjoy... his ejaculations.

**bob-smith** · 05-06-2011 11:53 PM

Hopeless Dork, thank you very much for your reply...

Originally Posted by Hopeless Dork

Well prior to him my sexual encounters with guys were largely to fullfill their needs... I had no idea what I even wanted sexually besides their attention in that moment.

My wife was in the same boat. Before me, there were 2 serious relationships. The first with a needy, selfish prick. The second with a cheating selfish prick. Plus there was a short series of "meaningful short-term relationships" that didn't end well. Needless to say - trust issues.

Originally Posted by Hopeless Dork

I spent time discovering my own sexual desires, my own fantasies... developed, grew, sexually -- completely on my own.

This is something she hasn't done on her own. When she met me, she was a complete wall-flower. We had to have sex in the dark, shower together in the dark (incidentally - not recommended), etc. I wasn't allowed to see her naked for a month!

Once she got going, though, whoa! Adult videos, sexy talk, toys, even a threesome (MMF). After a while though, she slid back into her comfort zone (as we all do).

Perhaps I could encourage her to have some more time on her own, exploring and enjoying herself?

Originally Posted by Hopeless Dork

...and so I'd say 50% of my feelings about it has to do with him and the way he makes me feel , and the other is just my feelings about sexual pleasure in general - that leads me to enjoy... really really enjoy... his ejaculations.

That is fantastic. I'm glad your happy and enjoy playing with your man!

**oxy-moron** · 05-07-2011 12:45 AM

Bob
I might be married to her sister.
It may be a reasonably common trait- I call it squeemishness.
I dont feel insulted that she is worried about my body fluids because she treats her own worse than mine. I think it comes back to being raised that way.

I am the direct opposite myself.

I think that there are squeemish guys as well- they dont perform Oral sex on their wives.

My wife has improved slightly with time- but not much.
If you find something that works please post it.
Good luck with your endeavours.

**bob-smith** · 05-07-2011 06:03 AM

Thanks for your reply OM

Originally Posted by oxy-moron

I call it squeemishness.

Ha - so do we. Sums it up nicely.

Originally Posted by oxy-moron

I dont feel insulted that she is worried about my body fluids because she treats her own worse than mine. I think it comes back to being raised that way.

Most of the time I'm right too, but every now and then she'll make a face (unconsciously, of course) or I'll see her trying to hold back a dry reach and it kind-of kills the mood.

I think you're spot on about the way she was raised. Her mother has a violent aversion to anything slimy, sticky or "plumbing" related. It may have been passed on!

Originally Posted by oxy-moron

I think that there are squeemish guys as well- they dont perform Oral sex on their wives.

Agreed. I know a few and feel sorry for their partners.

Originally Posted by oxy-moron

If you find something that works please post it.

Will do. Thanks.

**ItsASecret** · 05-07-2011 10:08 AM

There is not much you can do. Your wife seems like an exception to other women who also hate it only because your woman has actually gone to the lengths of swallowing not once not twice but consistently for months. That right there shows she has done her best but it is simply one of those things like HD said. Other women would not even allow it near their mouth let alone swallow each time. I am not a fan of slimy textures either, and have tried swallowing but I just cannot get passed the texture (my bf has a thick almost chunky at times consistency so it really does not help the cause). Though I am not a fan of swallowing I still let him put it on my body, I will not rub it in or anything but I will let it be there and not freak out. When I first got into sex it was a no no only because I was not used to it, if it got on me it had to be wiped off pronto. Not anymore though, took some time to get over that uncomfortable cold wet feeling of having something slimy on me but it is not a bother anymore and when in the moment I like feeling it land on my back, butt or chest. But because his stuff is thicker I would prefer it not dry on me as it will be in clumps lol. All you can do is go at her pace. If she keeps trying to like it to her best abilities then keep saying thank you for at least trying. Many women will throw in the towel on the subject and just never let it progress into anything but hatred.