Thread: Utterly confused and in seek of advice.

Okay well I have no idea where to start, have spoken to a few friends of mine on this subject but their advice doesn't really help me any.

To put a long story short, my current boyfriend is my first, I'm 23 and he is 28. We live apart, he lives about two and a half hours away and works during the week so we only see each other on weekends or if I go there and stay for a week or such. We have very similar interests and get along really well. There are however a few differences that seem to be more of a problem then first expected.

The first being I am completely uninterested in sex, we have been going out over a year now and have probably only had intercourse 3-4 times and done other things; oral/hj/bj about 10-15 times on top of that. So not a whole lot going on there, purely from my lack of interest, I will sometimes even go out of my way to avoid sex, to the stage where I don't even want to hold or cuddle and kiss at night when we go to bed because I KNOW he is going to ask for it. He likes kissing me all over and showing me attention, which is fine, he says it's not always about sex, but when he does kiss me all over he is like 'so did that do anything for you?' once he's finished. Aka did that get you in the mood.
Now this uninterest in sex could be caused by several things, I was interfeared with when I was younger, and I tend to have a unhealthy belief that all guys want is sex because of this.
Another cause could be perhaps I am not sexually attracted to him? I have thought about what it would be like with other guys, since he is my first I have no idea if the same problem would be encountered with other guys.
Which brings up yet another possible cause, I've known since I was a teen that I'm at least bi-sexual, but lately I'm beginning to wonder if it's more then that. I've not slept with a woman however, but am very highly attracted to them.

On to the next problem; I have a social anxiety disorder and thus can't really go out much and socialize, so I soclialize online, I play MMO's and make friends online, I have been this way for at least 6 or 7 years now and it is an on going problem. He doesn't know how to use computers, I have suggested to him several times that he join one of my online games so we can spend time together when we are apart and he's not working. He seems to have no interest or desire to try this with me, I even went as far to buy a new account and everything to try and get him started but nope, nothing. He has made a character on my account and at times will play on it if I'm not using my laptop. My online gaming and friends is a large part of my life I just want to share it with him, to see if it helps us bond more and grow closer.

He also doesn't call me, when we first started I did tell him I could only text cos of my social anxiety of talking to people, but now we've been together for over a year I have told him he can call me but he doesn't, he continues to text. I've also tried getting him to use MSN messenger and learning to use computers as it'd be a faster way of talking and keeping in contact with me instead of texting.

I just don't know what to do anymore, I've talked to him about the sex problem several times and that I need t work things out in that way, he seems to listen and says he's happy just to hold and kiss me, but it still ends up the same in the end, him asking if I'm in the mood, which turns me off more then I already am. I help him out when he has the urges most of the time, or he takes care of it on his own which doesn't bother me. He likes trying to please me though and with my uninterest he can't do that, I just feel like I'm not being a good girlfriend like he deserves someone who is interested in sex.

Sorry for how long this post is, but I need advice of some sort, I love him, but sex isn't important to me, if I'm not interested I'm not interested and there isn't anything I can really do to help it, I've tried just going with the flow even if I'm not interested and it usually works out. Then the next time I'm just all clammed in my shell again.

Can find an edit button, I'm probably just being blind but I'd also like to add this:

Outside of the bedroom he isn't a very romantic or cuddly person, for instance he won't even hold my hand in public and if I hold his hand he tends to find an excuse to let go, like deliberatly go around that pole over there, or suddenly be interested in looking at something over here.

I was interfeared with when I was younger.

That I would say is the problem.

We humans have a sex drive otherwise the human race would cease to exist.

You need someone special to understand you and someone very loving and caring towards you.

Its going to take time and patience to reprogram you to enjoy sex again I think.

I would get tell him if he is understanding if you havent already told him.

If I was him I would just caress you everyday for months on end to get you to just enjoy the feeling of being touched.

No penetration.

Just cuddling and kissing.

Eventually I think you should if you are treated right learn to enjoy sex again.

Just realise that women and men like sex if its done correctly because it does feel good if you do it correctly.

Women like pleasure like a man I know that for a fact.

If a women says you only want me for sex I say ok no sex for you.

Sooner or later if your kind and gentle and caring and know how to cuddle and caress a women they will be just as horny as a man or more.

Women and men are not that much different really apart from the womb, up to a point the fetus is the same until it changes to either a womans or a man.

A man has nipples like woman.

The clitoris is really just a very small penis thats why some women have a big clitoris that actually looks like a penis, simply because that is what it would have become if it had taken the other path.

So really women are similar or the same as men, what stops a women or man is the pyschological part.

Women need to feel the guy is going to hang around for the children thats where we are different.

So if you dont feel horny its because of what happened to you.

Its a common thing these days ....

Love, caring and patience.

Maybe a someone professional could maybe help you ??