I've tried everything, but I still can't orgasm with my boyfriend...

**panda** · 05-15-2011 01:41 AM

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 and a half years now, but he still can't make me orgasm. I feel like I've tried everything. I've read quite a few threads here on Women's Health, and tried practically all the 'tips and tricks', but it's difficult when most of them weird my boyfriend out. I've tried masturbating before sex to try and get myself riled up, but that doesn't work. I've tried masturbating while he's in the room, or having him try to do it for me, or have me help him. Nothing. I've tried as many different sex positions and foreplay scenarios as I can think of, but still NOTHING works. The only thing that we haven't really delved into is my boyfriend performing oral sex, but that's because he seems to be very uncomfortable with it. I know that he wants me to be able to experience that 'rush' more than anything, but it just isn't working. Has anyone else experienced this? Can anyone help me?

**jns** · 05-15-2011 08:49 AM

If oral sex is the thing that may push you over the edge, he'll have to overcome his reluctance. What makes him uncomfortable about it?

**anne100** · 05-15-2011 12:32 PM

It sounds like the number one thing that is stopping you from orgasming is not being able to just let go. I didnt orgasm until I met my current BF and we took our time and relaxed and just enjoyed every moment in bed.
Instead of focusing on reaching orgasm just enjoy, as weird as this sounds orgasms should never be the goal until its practically a habit.
Also it sounds like you may need more types of stimulation. Most woman neet both clitoral and vaginal stimulation to reach orgasm. Also switching between types of stimulation will most likely cause your BF to last longer leading to more time in bed which is always great!

**panda** · 05-15-2011 06:56 PM

He says it's the 'taste'. I don't know... I've kind of given up on asking him to do it, probably because I just feel embarrassed. Plus, he really beats himself up about, so I try to avoid the issue so that he doesn't feel worse.

**panda** · 05-15-2011 07:00 PM

As for the letting go part, I guess that's true too... I guess I am always super focused on an 'end result'. But that's probably because often times he'll come right in the middle of all the fun. I'll finally get going, and then it's over, so... I don't know. But I'll give it a shot. Thank you for the advice!

**anne100** · 05-16-2011 11:02 PM

If its taste you can try adjusting your diet, more water less salt, Ive also heard citrus fruit can make everything taste a little weird. You can also pick up flavoured lube which is great as long as your are not super prone to yeast infections.
You can try two things for him getting off before you, more foreplay which is pretty simple and can be fun as long as it gets inforced. Also though pick up a vibrator or something you would be comfertable with and ask him to use it, or let him watch.

**WildChild** · 05-16-2011 11:54 PM

Do a search, there are a number of internet sites with information on the effects of diet on both women and men's flavor.

**jns** · 05-17-2011 12:06 AM

I've never found the taste of a woman objectionable while performing oral sex. Does he describe the taste in relation to foods he eats? The only thing I am thinking is possibly a mild yeast infection.

**diplodocus** · 05-17-2011 07:02 AM

I am in a very similar situation. I have never been able to orgasm with my current bf, I've tried everything you have listed trying to masturbate in front of him or before sex etc. The same thing also happens with me during sex where just when I feel liken could go on for just a few more seconds...bam! It's over

it sucks I know. It sucks your guy won't try oral more often, I found for me it got me going a lot more, especially if he would swap during sex to oral every now and then. It gies you more stimulus and makes him last a little longer.

With the whole letting go issue, I found I had the same sort of problem. Dot try to think about having an orgasm so much otherwise you stop enjoying how good the sex actualy feels, try not to think so much about it otherwise you will psych yourself out of it.

One quick question though...are you able to orgasm on your own? Like when you masturbate privately can you reach a climax?

**pretzel** · 05-17-2011 07:57 AM

I definately agree with jns on your bf needing to overcome his trepidation toward oral sex. If he could understand and appreciate the feel, movements, taste and pleasure you would get, then that is one half the battle. And it's a battle well worth winning.

The other half is obviously (and has been suggested) is to relax and enjoy it. Sex is supposed to be fun, erotic, adventurous, not work. You play to have fun, you work to try to accomplish something.