Threesomes

**anniemx** · 05-17-2011 08:12 AM

Last night I went out with an old close friend and her boyfriend, little did I know it was a meeting to see if he approved me for the third person in their threesome. She called me later that night explaining the whole thing, telling me I was her only choice and her boyfriend thinks I'm really pretty and both would like me to do this with them.

I have never had a threesome but always wanted to have one. I think my friend is beautiful and her boyfriend is really good looking. But because I'm the third person, who's not in the relationship, I have so many questions but no one to ask. So I just wanted some advice?

My biggest fear is runing our friendship or even her relationship. I don't want her regretting doing this with her boyfriend then end up mad at me because I agreed to do it. I know if I did this with a boyfriend, it would never be the same again and I would probably let it ruin our relationship. Another thing is, I don't even know how a threesome really works? What all is involved and would happen. I do think I want to do it, but I just need some advice or someone to share their experiance. I just don't want one night of fun to have a lot of bad things after.

**rcoreyus** · 05-17-2011 08:44 AM

It is a minefield. I think you need to decide based on what you know about the couple whether they would have problems with this afterwards. This works well for some people, but can cause a LOT of problems.

as far as what to do: you need to talk to them and see whats expected, what limits they may have. I knew one woman who did this, and was surprised that the couple had an arrangement that she couldn't have sex with the man, only with the other woman.

Otherwise, if you decide to do it, then have fun. This is the sort of think that a lot of people regret later - but its also something that some people regret never having done.

**SaharaJim** · 05-17-2011 10:22 AM

I take it no one has any "moral" objections. Then you have "practical considerations". Clear ground rules are a "must". All the obvious stuff with any sexual relationship- birth control , safety against STDs, rules of engagement- who can do what and to whom. Is this "by definition" a "one time only" experience or is everyone "open" to repeat performances? Does everyone agree as to "level" of participation- what happens if one person feels "left out" during a given sexual act? Have you ever had 'sex" with a woman? are YOU ok with that? Are there specific sexual acts you do not want to happen? Are there specific acts that you want/expect to happen- is everyone ok with that? Are there specific "afterwards" rules? Discuss/ not discuss with anyone else? Having engaged in sex with the couple both present- can you engage with either of them alone at some later date? Are they going to be "comfortable" in your company when sex is not on the agenda? AFTER all this TALK- are you still going to be even "interested" or will all the talk have killed any desire?

Good luck if you decide to do this- if it's just for "fun" and everybody is OK with it. ENJOY.

**WildChild** · 05-17-2011 10:41 AM

Definitely talk it through first. What are each person's expectations? Who does what? What is off the table? What is a "we'll see when we get there?".
I've never done this but know quite a few people who do and have discussed it with a number of people (mostly men who seem to be endlessly fascinated with the idea - as long as its FFM) Some men think it should be all about both women pleasing him. Others want a live peep show, watching the ladies and jumping in after they have done all the pre play, fore play and getting each other to orgasm. Then there are the seemingly rare birds who actually want to find ways to pleasure both women themselves.

If you look at porn, if its MMF, the woman is just a receptical for the men to poke at.

Get very clear about expectations.

**Seeker_Advice** · 05-17-2011 11:50 AM

"High risk" IMO at best for you. What if her BF likes the way you make love better? Finds you to be more attractive? What if your friend is very attractive as you claim and even more so naked? How will that make you feel? As for the actual activity itself, you really need to discuss it as others have suggested. What's okay? What's not okay? With you? With her? With him?

Ask yourself about all of the things that could go wrong, loss of friendship as an example, and then ask yourself if it's really worth it.

I think the answer is obvious.

**oxy-moron** · 05-17-2011 02:42 PM

This could easily damage your relationship.
You need to find out what she is trying to get out of the whole thing.
The way she handled the meeting makes it look like she was procuring you for him as a present.
If this is the case and you focus attention on him she may get jealous and see you as the other woman.
WC has made a very good point that there are lot of potential dynamics that the boyfriend could be interested in and it is in your best interest to find everything out first.

**jc16** · 05-17-2011 08:06 PM

I'd make sure SHE is 100% into this and not just going along because she has to. I know this is a real big fantasy for guys, and i know a lot of women will lower their standards just to keep a guy around. I'd make sure there is no forced involvement on her part and that she's not just trying to act like shes ok with it to keep her boyfriend happy. I'd definitely have a heart-to-heart with your friend and get to the very bottom of this with her first because it's definitely not loosing your relationship with her over. If it ends up that she is doing this for tge wrong reasons, she could easily resent you for it later on. You might want to think about any sexual hangups you may have, any insecurities, anything you will not do. Those things might be important to discuss with them.
I personally couldn't do this, and luckily neither could my husband! I could see how easily I could get totally confused emotionally because of it.
Just do a LOT of talking first and I think you will be ok. Keep your friendship first though!