Lots of advice needed...

**AllThatGlittersIsPink** · 05-25-2011 10:51 PM

Im new here but decided to finaly join so i could get some advice. I am 21 (almost 22)and my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years is 20. He works full time and I go to college full time and work part time (no class now that its summer though). We are both very stressed but can tell each other most anything and I feel that i could bring up anything with him that i wanted to talk about. With that said we have had some issues, but it is because he is in a bad place with his "family" (guardians not his real family) and is very stressed working all the time to try to move out finaly. I actually broke up with him 3 motnhs ago but it has turned out to be more of a time for us to seriously work on our relationship. We both love each other very much.

All of this has been a huge stress on our relationship for over a year and a half. Our sex life is also another big issue. I have had sex with one person before him, and I am the first person he has ever had sex with or been in a relationship with (He is also my first real relationship). Of course he is always tired (he works 6 days a week all night long and through half the day), but he literaly says it every single time I have ever wanted/want to have sex. Then I say okay but a half hour later he will tell me to go get a condom if I still want to..but by then im kinda blah about it. I also ALWAYS have to be on top because he is too tired. I enjoy being on top but not every single time for the whole time. We have been having sex for 2 years and he has only come maybe 3 times while we were having sex. I have also given him a HJ many times and he has never once come even if i do it for 45 min and he says it feels soooo good. Then he will take over and it will be done in 2 min!. As far as i go i always have to finish myself... i love oral but he has jaw problems so it hurts him most of the time. I have also had the same problem so i can understand that many days it not do-able...but he gets impatient after touching me for only 2 min and askes me to just do it myself. I know he loves me and wants to do it...but when we do its the same thing every time, and its bad. Its just like going through the motions with no emotion behind it at all in any way. I have just started to REALLY talk to him about it (I always have mentioned it but dropped it) and told him its a big problem, He said he knows and its just that he is so tired. He said he is also afraid that i will get pregnant (I have been on bc pills for two years, and we use condoms) or that he will hurt me in some way. I want to have sex quite often but now i feel like "whats the point, its not going to be any good at all". I just want us to enjoy each other and feel like we never have... I just want to feel like he loves me

**AllThatGlittersIsPink** · 05-25-2011 11:01 PM

I also just wanted to say that Im realy not sure what I should do at this point with our whole relationship. We are both at a confusing time in our lives and both super stressed. We love each other very much but I feel like he talks a lot but never tries to change anything. I have never loved anyone before and I dont know if Im in love with him or my idea of how things "could be" if only he could move out of his house and be less stressed and we sould fix our issues with sex also. I dont know if i should continue to try and make this relationship work or if Im just ignoreing that he wont ever be in a better place and i should move on. I dont have anyone at all in real life to talk about this with...

**foxdana** · 05-25-2011 11:10 PM

I think your boyfriend is actually quite lazy with the sex thing. He may be tired but that doesn't make it ok to do nothing and make you do all the work. As your his first partner, you need to tell and show him what to do and how to do it. He may suffer from a lack of confidence! Don't let him keep putting you off, it is not a healthy way to build a relationship and he needs to stop masturbating so he can enjoy the sensation of sex for what it is, then he may find it much easier to cum through sex, oral and/or handjobs by you.

**simply.arie** · 05-26-2011 03:41 AM

I have had some issues with sex between me and my boyfriend because we have also had quite a bit of stress on us.. but I think the best way to work through it is to just sit down with him and tell him how you feel. Even if you fight it is better to talk about a problem rather than let it go and fester! And try and get him to do more stuff sexually, if you can. I have realized my boyfriend does mostly everything and he does not like it, he wants to feel like I want it too even though I am used to him just doing it.. I have realized he would like me to start it also. The best thing.. is tell him like it is and what you want from him and the relationship

**WildChild** · 05-26-2011 08:18 AM

A 20 yr old male who is always too tired and on the occasions when he does attempt sex, prefers that you each finish yourselves, is not normal. He should get his hormone levels checked as he is in the prime age for testicular cancer and that may not show up in the way you think it would. Other than that my guess is a combination of lack of skill in pleasuring a woman and probably a little too much skill in pleasuring himself. I'd bet that he uses masturbation as a stress reliever?

**shiz** · 05-26-2011 09:00 AM

yeah, something isn't right. Either he's wacking the weasel way too much, or something is goin on through his head. Communication is key in this. .....yeah it may be a little awkward to talk about, and you don't want hurt his feelings, but you are obviously very hurt and distraught about this. Maybe ask him what you can do better for him. Let him know that you want him to finish you, and you want to finish him. You have to lay your "expectations" out there. Good Luck, girl