Need advice/bf wont go down on me

**Bibbet828** · 05-31-2011 05:10 PM

I've came here because I dont know where else to go for advice. Ive been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost 3 years. We have a pretty good relationship and good communication but I'm not sure how to bring this situation up to him.
Ive mentioned it a few times but I'm not sure that he understands how hard it is for me to bring it up with him and how self conscious it makes me feel. As far as being intimate, my only complaint is that I rarely "once in a blue moon" receive oral. (In our 3 years I can probably only count the times he's given me oral on both hands)
I am certainally a giver....why cant I be a receiver???

Im have good hygeine, I shower twice daily and Ive never been told I smell or taste weird. It even got to the point where I became so self conscious I went and got checked out by a doctor to make sure there was no medical issue. I've bought flavored lubes (which only seem to get used for him) and Ive offered whip cream/cherries/chocolate...
Other than really sitting down and shaking the issue out of him, I dont really know what else to do. I want to feel as good as I make him feel. I need the release from this built up pressure! I'm not a cheater (would rather not become one) and I dont really want to eliminate him from my life if he cant give it up...but I'm also to a point where I'm wanting to seek someone to HELP MEEE!

**Belladonna** · 05-31-2011 05:16 PM

Have you ever just asked him why he wont perform oral?

**LanaBear** · 05-31-2011 05:18 PM

You need to talk to him...

What are his reasons that he won't go down on you and why?

You've been together 3 years, so you should be able to, at this point, openly talk about things. Sit him down, tell him that you are curious as to why he doesn't go down on you, tell him you've enjoyed it when he has, but want to know why he doesn't seem to want to do it more often.

Until you can talk to him, there isn't a lot of advice to be given. Talk talk talk.

**Bibbet828** · 05-31-2011 06:30 PM

The times that I have asked him (most recently a month or so ago) his response has been, "its not you, I just dont like it." Ive tried to get a more ellaborate response and thats the brief answer I get all the time. I'm unsure if its because it involves extra "work" on his part....or if its really something about me and he doesnt want to hurt my feelings.

**jns** · 05-31-2011 06:54 PM

I think some guys just can't get their head around giving oral to girl. Sure, they may do it a few times to please their partner or satisfy their curiosity, but they don't get turned on by getting their partner to writhe in ecstasy with her legs around their head. And if they are not turned on, they don't do it. Some are probably thinking about it being morally wrong or dirty or some other such nonsense (IMO). I'm not sure if there is a method to get your bf to like to give you oral. There are guys out there who like to give oral, just not your bf. Do you think you can live without it? I'm sure it isn't anything about you.

**waya** · 05-31-2011 08:31 PM

Originally Posted by Bibbet828

The times that I have asked him (most recently a month or so ago) his response has been, "its not you, I just dont like it." Ive tried to get a more ellaborate response and thats the brief answer I get all the time. I'm unsure if its because it involves extra "work" on his part....or if its really something about me and he doesnt want to hurt my feelings.

Ok, my ex-husband said that to me. So, I explained to him that when I go down on him it's because I like giving him pleasure. He was a bit large so it was kinda hard for me to do comfortably for any length of time. I told him all this and that I did it because I loved him and I just wanted to feel that way in return. After a while, he got the point.

**waya** · 05-31-2011 08:32 PM

Originally Posted by Bibbet828

The times that I have asked him (most recently a month or so ago) his response has been, "its not you, I just dont like it." Ive tried to get a more ellaborate response and thats the brief answer I get all the time. I'm unsure if its because it involves extra "work" on his part....or if its really something about me and he doesnt want to hurt my feelings.

Ok, my ex-husband said that to me. So, I explained to him that when I go down on him it's because I like giving him pleasure. He was a bit large so it was kinda hard for me to do comfortably for any length of time. I told him all this and that I did it because I loved him and I just wanted to feel that way in return. After a while, he got the point.

**kristalyn_04** · 05-31-2011 08:47 PM

Originally Posted by Bibbet828

The times that I have asked him (most recently a month or so ago) his response has been, "its not you, I just dont like it." Ive tried to get a more ellaborate response and thats the brief answer I get all the time. I'm unsure if its because it involves extra "work" on his part....or if its really something about me and he doesnt want to hurt my feelings.

I hate to tell you this, but if that's his response then it's probably not going to change. I was in the same situation years ago... in a 2 year relationship with a man that only gave me oral 3 or 4 times, ever. I gave him a BJ nearly every day. I was unable to orgasm from intercourse alone, so I never got satisfied. Talking about it got us nowhere. Your bf is simply being selfish and lazy, and that is incredibly unfair. Have you tried explaining to him that you also deserve to be satisfied, and how this makes you feel? If he doesn't "get it" now, he's probably never going to. You have to decide if you can live with this or not. I couldn't.

**Texinator** · 06-01-2011 12:25 AM

Originally Posted by Bibbet828

The times that I have asked him (most recently a month or so ago) his response has been, "its not you, I just dont like it." Ive tried to get a more ellaborate response and thats the brief answer I get all the time. I'm unsure if its because it involves extra "work" on his part....or if its really something about me and he doesnt want to hurt my feelings.

It's the extra work. Many of the men that don't want to perform oral sex are reluctant because their tongue isn't connected to their penis, and they don't understand the concept of doing anything sexual in return for something other than physical pleasure. On the other hand, most of them would also consider it the end of the world if they stopped receiving oral sex, because then it does involve their penis.

**Adaac41** · 06-01-2011 10:19 PM

Originally Posted by jns

I think some guys just can't get their head around giving oral to girl. Sure, they may do it a few times to please their partner or satisfy their curiosity, but they don't get turned on by getting their partner to writhe in ecstasy with her legs around their head. And if they are not turned on, they don't do it.

As a guy I have to disagree...some maybe..as there is the same with women giving oral..I myself absolutely love giving. I love the control I get bringing her so close to orgasim then backing off..then doing it again, and again until she can't take it anymore. I love the squirming, the noises she makes..I love it all! The only time I'm bored with it is if I don't get reciprocation....what I mean is when I'm not having sex or other things often enough(which is a current problem) I really don't want to do it. But when my wife is showing me the love I need, I love nothing more than pleasing her!

As for the OPs question...When I'm not getting, I'm not giving! How about no more BJs until he learns how to please his women!