Girlfriend not wanting anything sexual

**woozi** · 06-04-2011 01:47 PM

My girlfriend and i have been together for 4 year, We live an hour apart but we see each other every weekend unless one of us have to work. At first we were lived close to each other and would have intercourse almost everyday then because of school I moved while she stayed home ( after 2 years into the relationship). I visit her almost every weekend and at first after the move everything was normal and we would have foreplay, sex, and just have fun. Slowly she's not wanting it and gets bothered when i try to initiate things. When ever we fight its usually because of the lack of sex. Now i always initiate things and feels like almost every time i try she says no shes not in the mood. If i try and be romantic she would make a remark saying you better not expect sex or anything. She doesn't want to talk about sex and when ever i bring it up she ignores it and changes the subject. The odd time we do have sex i try to go slowly and have foreplay but she says to stop and just go in. When i do she complains it hurts at the start from being too dry and doesn't want to use lube. Then mid way through she would say hurry up its hurting after she orgasms.
We only have sex missionary because she says its the only position that doesn't allow me to go too deep, and wont go on top or anything. She tells me not to talk about it or bring it up and if she's in the mood she'll start it. It's been 3 months since we've had sex or anything remotely sexual (not even making out) because i've not brought it up or asked. I'm not sure what to do, She says its because shes on the pill that her libido is low but she's was on the same pill since we started dating. I love her very much and want sex to be wanted mutually and not have to ask for it everytime.
Are there any tips or suggestion that can help my situation?
Thanks

**Beautiful Disaster** · 06-04-2011 01:58 PM

It sounds like she's telling you the truth. She has no sex drive. Hormonal bc causes that in a lot of women. It did to me. I had NO sex drive, didn't want to kiss or makeout because I knew what it would lead to. On the occasions I felt like I had to have obligatory sex just to maintain some peace, I just wanted to get it over with. I really beat myself up over it inside. And felt very resentful of my boyfriend at the time for even trying to have sex with me. My doctor told me it must just be me, because the pill shouldn't cause that.....but that wasn't true. I went off the pill and in no time, libido was back.

Perhaps you shold consider talking to her about the birth control and offer to take some responsibility in protecting against pregnancy by using condoms. Discuss your other options and let her know you support her going off the pill.

**Mes T** · 06-04-2011 03:31 PM

Hi woozi,

To add on to the above post, does she orgasm as often as you do during sex? For me, with my previous partners I wasn't getting nearly as much enjoyment out of sex because at the end of the day THEY would be getting their orgasms and not me, and they either didn't realize I wasn't getting them or didn't care enough to ask. I was also awkward enough not to tell them myself, so it's definitely partially my fault.

Anyway, after a while I completely lost interest in sex (despite having a healthy masturbation appetite). I didn't want anything to do with it, because for me it was boring and unfulfilling.

It could also have something to do with your relationship. How are you two otherwise? Still as close as you've always been? Sometimes long distance can take a toll.

Whatever it is, there IS a REASON.

Think of ways of approaching this subject that won't make her defensive. You need information.

**oxy-moron** · 06-04-2011 04:28 PM

Hi
The pill is infamous for causing loss of Libido- Take Beautiful Disasters advice.
Do not marry her until you have sorted this out.
Long distance relationships will lack regular physical contact which will put pressure on your bond. Try to make up for it with more safe physical touch when you are with her.

**woozi** · 06-04-2011 05:55 PM

For a little bit she did come off the pill and nothing changed and she doesn't want to try another type of pill because she gets very little side effects so she's happy. I've tried talking to her a bunch of different ways, (serious talks, in passing, play full) and as soon as it comes up she "dodges" it and changes the subject. She's notorious for "forgetting" to take the pill, so we do use condoms, i uses " " because she says she missed it but i can recall her taking the pill almost the same time when ever we are together, and there are no missing pills. she often asks me to hand her her pills...
I just hope with time this rut goes away and everything gets better

**caterpillar79** · 06-04-2011 06:00 PM

Can she go on IUD without hormones? How old are you both?

**woozi** · 06-04-2011 09:32 PM

where both 22

**Thomas Hepburn** · 06-05-2011 03:21 AM

Try what the ladies here are suggesting and hopefully it will work. If you have tried it all and it doesn't work then politely tell your girlfriend that you love her to bits but can't go without sex and therefore the relationship may end. Sorry if this seems blunt but I'm sure there are millions of women out there that simply do not appreciate that healthy men need regular sex.I kinow there are a lot of women out there that need sex as well in a relationship, but remember that men have 10 times the amount of testosterone in their bodies that urges them to have regular sex. I'm sure that some women could go years without sex and it wouldn't bother them. Healthy men simply cannot do this and need to find a partner who is willing to have sex.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 06-05-2011 03:51 AM

woozi

Lust equals every day sex...You live an hour apart, but only see each other on weekends...My fiance's daughter lives an hour apart it's a pain in the butt but he makes the journey...

At some point a woman does not want to feel it's all about sex...She wants to know you travelled, "just" to see her for no reason just her...

I'm guessing she's feeling like it's just sex, the spark has gone, she lives her live 6 days maybe 5 days a week and all for waiting for her man on the weekend whom wants SEX...

See what I'm saying?

CW