orgasm help...

**orangeelephant** · 06-04-2011 06:17 PM

I'm new here, so I don't know if this is the appropriate place to post this, but here goes.

I am a virgin, but my partner and I "fool around" a lot - the problem is that he always gets off in the end, and I don't even with masturbation. It got to the point that I would always fake orgasms just so he would stop because it was just uncomfortable/painful and I didn't want him to feel bad. Recently, I told him I was faking and he is now understandably upset and hurt, but I don't know what to do. I don't know what an orgasm is supposed to feel like; for me there is just a point when I am too sensitive but no sense of release. Please help!

**Mes T** · 06-04-2011 06:38 PM

The too sensitive thing happens because you're doing it wrong.

Happened to me every time too, until I learned how to do it.

Your boyfriend won't be able to give you an orgasm until you learn how to do it for yourself first, and then teach him how to do it for you.

I would highly recommend buying a vibrator and using it on your clit, with lots of lubrication. It's hard to know how to pleasure yourself if you don't know what feeling you need to go for... and a vibrator can help you out immensely.

Once you learn with a vibrator and know what an orgasm is supposed to feel like, move on to doing it with your fingers. Once you learn that, you'll be ready to teach your boyfriend.

Tell him not to feel bad. This is an issue MANY women have until they learn how to orgasm.

**Master Bruh** · 06-04-2011 07:10 PM

Hmmm ok different view of it and please dont take offense to it Mes T...but dont get a vibrator would be horrific. Think of it....you've faked an orgasm for who knows how long he's upset because he thinks he's inadequate to satisfy you NOW your getting a vibrator to penetrate you before he can might as well get a different guy to lose it too in his eyes as opposed to talking to him and working on various ways he can get you to orgasm. The best orgasm is one you cant control. Vibe you can control its predictable because you know where its going to go also trying to get your man to be a vibe is impossible. Now your a virgin Im not sure what fooling around you do. But if its h/js or b/js then he can give you head and fingering. Let him explore you more guide him on what feels good if you want him some where speak up say whats on your mind. Im sure he's willing to listen and Im positive he's scanning the internet on how to please you. Also it could be your mindset you might be to focused on an orgasm to get one. Forget getting an orgasm cause for you dont know how to get one but you know what feels right. Now with you guiding and his touching I believe some communication will do you both some good.

**Mes T** · 06-04-2011 10:49 PM

I agree with the above post in terms of communication, exploration...

But I'm suggesting using a vibrator for clitoral stimulation, and quite frankly the guy doesn't need to know about it. The purpose of the vibrator is to find the feeling of an orgasm. Once you know what it's supposed to feel like, using your fingers and/or teaching your partner to do it for you becomes possible.

Many women have started off like this and it's nothing bad or to be ashamed of.

I don't think this has anything to do with comparing a vibrator to "another guy to lose it to", to me that's basically like saying there's only one way for a woman to learn to orgasm and it has to be controlled by the man... even if it's clearly not working in her situation.

Hopefully some of the other ladies here can post and share their first orgasm experience.

**darcdante** · 06-06-2011 08:39 PM

If you can't even give yourself an orgasm, then he has nothing to be ashamed of, that's for sure. Make sure he knows that so he doesn't feel bad, cause that could create more problems.

I'd also suggest you never fake an orgasm. I know my fiance sometimes orgasms and sometimes doesn't. That's fine with me. Shoot, I'm a guy and even I haven't had an orgasm every single time we're together (cause I'm too drunk or too tired, typically both). But when I give her an orgasm, I know it's real. I like that. Sure, it's not every time, but I at least know it's real. Probably also helps that she still gets off every time, regardless, cause then we switch to manual mode and she uses a vibrator.

Hmmm, I'm probably not much help, sorry.

Speaking as a guy, I have no clue why some one have a harder time reaching orgasm than others. For example, I know only 25-30% of women claim they can orgasm solely from penetration. I don't know why that is or what the difference is between them and any other women. Guys are easy. I'm about to get married, and women's sexuality still boggles me lol. I do agree with the above posters, however, that you should learn how to give yourself an orgasm before you can hope for your boyfriend to give you one. Likewise, if your hyman is still intact, I would recommend you keep it that way. Women seem to primarily orgasm from clitoral stimulation, so breaking your hyman shouldn't be necessary and could hurt your boyfriend's feelings.

**herbie** · 06-11-2011 10:34 AM

Mes T...the too sensitive thing you mention what were you doing wrong ? I ask this because my wife is fin ally getting comfy with using toys in front of me and this just happened to her we were having fun with one all of a sudden out it had to go ,she could hardly stand the over sensitive feeling it settled down soon after but im curious for the reason.What did we do wrong ?thx in advance

**Mes T** · 06-11-2011 07:30 PM

darcdante I agree with most of your points except the blurb about not breaking her hymen? What does that have to do with anything? Most women already have broken hymens long before their first intercourse experience, and some never have one to begin with.

herbie, for me it was a matter of trying stimulation from different angles and experimenting with the amount of pressure and speed to use.

Your wife could try stimulating her clitoris slightly from the side, or above the hood, rather than directly on it.

**oxy-moron** · 06-13-2011 08:36 PM

Hi
Quite a lot of ladies need simultaneous vaginal and Clitoral stimulation to get over the edge.
You can try working your clit while he strokes your labia/entrance. He should focus on more teasing stimulation-at least at first.
Get him to describe to you what he is seeing and feeling. Often a little extra verbal mental stimulation can make the difference.