I am very hesitant about sex, is there a reason, can I "fix' it?

**ella2111** · 06-04-2011 09:40 PM

Hi, my name's Ella. I'm 19 years old and I have not yet had sex, simply because I haven't found anyone I actually want to have sex with. It's not because I am picky or anything, I genuinely don't think I could be turned on by just anyone. I don't think it's the sex that arouses me, more the person.
But my problem is that I find the actual prospect of sex uncomfortable and daunting. I love to love, kiss and care but penetration and me receiving oral just scares me. I would be so vulnerable and exposed during sex, I don't like that. I know people see this as the thrill that excites them, but not me.
I think I'd have no problem giving oral (though I never have so I don't know).
There is no religious background to my problem, my family is really liberal and I am not in any way disgusted or anything when I hear about my friends having sex. I also have no problem pleasuring myself, I like it.
Do you think this an actual problem or am I over-analysing?
Also, does it seem weird to you that I am not sexually active at 19? I am very communicative and have lots of guy friends and think I am okay looking.

**Mes T** · 06-04-2011 10:55 PM

Hi ella, no I don't think it's weird at all, "first times" come at all different ages for people. So don't worry about that.

It's natural to fear certain things that you haven't experienced yet. Don't over-analyze too much. When you do have it for the first time, no shame in saying that you need to go really slow. And stop whenever you want. Just take it easy and let it be natural.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 06-05-2011 05:11 AM

Ella I think that you hold "sex" in a high above self, an importance, a bond of sorts, whereas, oral is a sexual act, intimacy is special...

Is there anything wrong with that? No

You have a fear off course of the first time but in addition, you I think, want to see it to be more...Given that you see oral as "ok" you don't want to see sex as "ok" you want to see it as "beautiful" and If that's the case? Hold on 19 is not old and you have time on yourself together with, it's your choice wait for what it is you are after.

CW

**darcdante** · 06-06-2011 08:07 PM

I'm a guy and lost my virginity at 25. The modern world might think you're odd, but I wish more women were like you. Sex isn't quite all it's cracked up to be, but it's definitely special (in my mind and apparently yours as well). It seems to me that you just want your first time to be special and with some one you care about and trust implicitly. Like I said, I wish more women (and men) were like you.

**Hopeless Dork** · 06-06-2011 08:39 PM

I think you are overanalysing

When you meet the man that makes your heart go pitter patter... and puts a flutter in your britches... your feelings will probably change !! Just live your life, have fun, and let nature take its course. You're not weird for waiting... you sound level headed.