Too stressed for sex...

**jaden** · 07-02-2011 07:51 PM

I seem to be finding myself on here more often, since I have so many questions as of late

Anyway, I have been under a lot of stress lately, and taking several different new medications, and it has all started to affect my sex drive. My boyfriend and I havent had sex in almost 2 weeks because Im constantly tired, and I cant "get worked up" enough to even consider trying to have sex at all. I would like to--I really would. Not to sound weird or anything, but I love sex. It makes me feel much better about myself.

Any ideas to help me? Is there something I can take or do to build up the drive?

**Mes T** · 07-02-2011 09:27 PM

Hi there, it's always tricky when medication is involved. The things you take now, are they long term? Short term? In the future might be worth looking into other brands or doses.

Is there anything about your current situation that contributes directly to your stress levels that you could change?

And finally when you do have sex, does your boyfriend know how to bring you to orgasm? Is he an attentive lover?

Hmm definitely more questions than answers in this post, sorry bout that!

**jaden** · 07-05-2011 03:59 PM

Mes T--that is ok, I hadn't thought about those questions.

The medications I take are still up in the air. I was recently diagnosed with fibromyalgia, and they are trying different medications to see which one will work for me, but the one we find will more than likely be long term, as there is no cure.

Almost all of my stress is centered around my health right now, as well as worrying about my weight (only a little overweight, maybe 15-20 lbs but I was always very small), and stressing with school and work and an imminent job change.

My boyfriend is usually very attentive; he is always concerned with my pleasure, but I suppose since lately its been so infrequent he tends to just "go for it" and kind of forget about me. My main problem is that I cannot get lubricated enough, and it becomes painful and gives no pleasure.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 07-05-2011 05:16 PM

The medications I take are still up in the air. I was recently diagnosed with fibromyalgia, and they are trying different medications to see which one will work for me, but the one we find will more than likely be long term, as there is no cure.

I don't agree with that. 12 years ago I had a major fall.. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, myofasical pain and 20% disability down the right hand side of my body..20% loss in other words of muscle.

A major stress of any sorts is believed to trigger fibromyalgia, coupled with myofascial pain it was and can be escrutiating for sure, debilitating ... Muscle relaxants do help, medication to ease the pain off course helps, when it is raw however, you become hooked on those and then, yes, there is no cure why? Because, you feel you need those to help...

Another aspect of fibromyalgia is weak stomach, which creates IBS... It's a body breakdown in short due to major stress...

So the battle that you have to under take is not fibromyalgia it IS stress... Getting stress under control, trust me, reduces dramatically all symptoms of fibro and other related illnesses that are created...

You stress over health, over weight, over school, over work, over an imminent job and now sex...Naturally, your body is not "feeling well" and so it's not "happy" and so lubrication is difficult.

Do you feel that you are over-weight because you go for comfort in food.

And, when you put bra's on does that also cause a tightness where you just wish that you didn't have to wear them?

The keys are this:-

Stretch every 20 minutes,
Walk every day at a medium pace and build that, for 10 minutes - to faster at 20 minutes.
Drink lots of water
Change your diet to healthier - but more so lighter foods - heavy foods also seem to bother people with fibro
Meditate or deep breathe and see positive things and smile

I rarely get a flair up these days and I can tell you there is a cure, it starts with you, it definately requires the above and honestly, drugs are not going to do anything other than lighten the pain and make you want to keep taking them, feel more depressed and stress even more....

**jaden** · 07-05-2011 06:14 PM

I do have some serious stomach upset, and have for the last 10 years. I always thought that I was just overreacting when it started bothering me, and that people would think I was a hypochondriac if I mentioned all the things that bother me. Perhaps this is why I went undiagnosed for so long.

Between Feb 07 and Jan 08 I put on 40 pounds. I still am not 100% sure what caused it; it could have been the medications I was taking at the time, or something else. I just dont know. In March 09 I was severely ill with the flu; was miserable for two weeks, and so sick that the doctor wanted to hospitalize me. However, I push through everything, and I refused because I felt I had to continue working. In hindsight, perhaps not the best choice. However, in those two weeks I lost ten pounds because I was unable to do anything but drink chicken broth. I have since lost another 5 pounds, and Ive kept it off. But I very often go for comfort food. I wish I didnt, because its frequent. I try to keep healthier snacks handy, but cookies just make everything so much better lol

Never had any tightness with a bra, just that Ive noticed a demi-cup no longer works for me. I guess my option is to go to full-coverage bras; at least I wont spill out of those.

I will definitely try your stretching recommendation, and because my job requires me to be on my feet all day and very active, I am constantly moving. I also walk very fast even when I am, in my opinion, taking a leisurely walk lol I have also started drinking nothing but Propel waters--they give me a little bit of flavor without all the sugar, and with a boost of vitamins--unless I just cant help it because Im out. I was also recently checked for celiac disease, and dont know the results yet, but Ive considered a gluten-free diet to see if it makes my stomach issues go away. Gotta work on the will power... Do you know of any specific diets help with the fibro, or if you've noticed anything that seems to help? I know we are all different, but I thought you may have some insight.

**waya** · 07-05-2011 07:18 PM

Hello

I have IBS and GERD and I got a book, Eating for IBS that helps when I'm having a digestive flare-up. Not the easiest recipes but easy on the stomach.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 07-05-2011 10:47 PM

My fiance has Celiac disease, so gluten free is the answer there

But, also maybe you have obtained IBS so chilli, spice, dairy try to cut out as well and see if that helps

Fibro isn't so much about diet it's more about non-stressing, and stretching, excercise. As far as I know there is no diet but Waya's suggestion of a book of diets for IBS is excellent as advised, fibro and IBS do seem to go hand in hand it doesn't matter which one comes first, it seems that whoever has one can get the other, or do get the other.

CW

**Mes T** · 07-06-2011 12:01 AM

Wow excellent suggestions here, so nice to have other posters relate and share directly their experiences.

All I want to add is, back to the sex thing - your boyfriend just "going for it" while you are dry, uninterested, possibly even in pain... is not acceptable.

You're not a blow-up sex doll my dear, though many women even today have a little bit of that mentality. If he starts being attentive to you again then I think your sex drive will have a much higher chance of coming back. Think about ways you can communicate this, in a positive and looking to the future way.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 07-06-2011 12:05 AM

Adding

You're not a blow-up sex doll my dear

What Mes said

**jaden** · 07-08-2011 05:12 PM

Thanks all. Lately Ive been getting so frustrated because I feel so inadequate, and its upsetting me. I feel like I should have a higher sex drive, but I just dont. I want it back. Im so confused :'(