Thread: my wife prefers jumping on me while I help her masturbating, but not intercourse

Background:

We have been married for more than 3 years now. Both were virgin before the marriage and did not have any education/former experience on sex. Even though I watched porn couple of times, my wife never watched it, and she has almost no idea how it is. The reason of stating porn is to give an idea about the amount of information related to sex we have.

Problem we are facing:

My wife experiences pain when we try for intercourse (I am using this term to specifically mention about what aspect of sex I am talking about). Overtime, my wife thinks the pain is subsiding. For the last 3 years, we tried for intercourse not much (maybe one or two times per month). This is highly unusual for a new couple. However, my wife thinks this is normal compared to her background. My wife tries to compensate this by doing this: she wants me to touch her, and arouse her by helping her masturbate, and in the process she gets on top of me, and she has some kind of orgasm. She likes this process, but she does not like to do anything else, such as finding a way to arouse me while I am helping her masturbate, etc. In fact, she likes this whole process so much that she wants to do it at least 2 or 3 times a week. However, whenever I propose her to do intercourse, she most of times mentions that she is not interested due to the pain. I proposed her to use lubricant, but she does not want it, because it is not healthy. To get around this, couple of days ago, I tried using water, and it works (kind of), but now she says that she feels guilty of having such feeling, when we do intercourse (according to her, this is animal instinct). I tried to tell her that this is part of relationship between husband and wife, but she is not that much convinced on that. Instead, she thinks that I have lost interest in her body other than the sexual intercourse thing, and so I don't like her way of enjoying (helping her masturbate).

Consequence:

I mentioned her couple of times about the way I feel about this (to have more concentration on intercourse and do everything while doing intercourse, such as physical intimacy, helping her masturbate), but she does not like it. Last night, she just wanted to do it her way, and I did not want to do that, she mentioned to me that the consequence of rejecting her this way repeatedly may be bad (e.g., separation).

What should I do?

Your sensible suggestions will be very appreciated.

It sounds to me like she is being completely selfish. She needs to meet your needs too. I can understand sex being painful, but why can't she please you while you help her please herself? Perhaps she should talk to a doctor or counselor to sort through her feelings towards sexual intercourse. Lube is not unhealthy, in fact, it is very important to stay lubricated during sex, or you could risk getting infections from tiny tears in the vagina. I feel she needs to be more attentive to you, because it sounds like you've done quite enough for her over the years.

She should not threaten you when she doesn't get her way on this. It is selfish, and I can understand how you would feel the way you do.

Thanks lizzardb63 for the suggestion. Appreciated.

Hi
You both got into a bit of a rut. She wants to go left and you want to go right and so you are both stuck in the middle.
You could try incorporating massage before sex. Gentle stroking type massage using the full surface of your hands with body butter or massage oil. You probably need 20 minutes of this. This will help with the lubrication and probably make her more receptive.

Try to negotiate something a bit half way- like you rubbing the head of your penis on her clit and labia as a form of mutual masturbation. But take your time and do research on the internet. If you are doing the same thing over and over you are not going to improve things.



Good luck.