So scared but so tempted!

**PinkySweet** · 07-11-2011 06:18 PM

My problem, anal. Ive tried anal one time before with my fiance. He simply told me that he wanted to do it and asked it I wouldnt mind trying it? and told me it would be fine if I didnt. He was respectful about it.

So heres what happened the first time. I let him know I was nervous about it, and he told me if I didnt feel like trying it anymore then it would be okay, but I actually did want to do it. So we began to have sex as usual and I was into and he asked if I was ready and I got a little nervous again but I was ready to try it. We did use lots and lots of lube(it was everywhere) he was very slow and making sure I was okay, once it was it didnt hurt as bad as I tought it would be after he had been going for about 20-30 seconds, the pain hit me a little harder and it was a overall wierd feeling... So he stopped... I laid in bed and I felt almost like I have been violated, he knew something was wrong and was holding me and apologizing...

First, I WANT TO TRY IT AGAIN! Ive always wanted to try/do anal and I dont really want the first time to ruin it for me. I really want to try it again.

Second, I dont know why I felt violated and so upset afterwards. My fiance was really respectful and caring about doing this. He asked me many times if I was okay with doing it and was asking me if I was okay while we were doing it and he stopped immedatly when I told him it was starting to hurt to bad..

Third, I dont know why Im so scared of it but still want to do it.

So after all this, can anyone tell me how to relax myself better? Ive heard people say that its better if you work your way up to anal, like using small things until your comfortable enough with ya know.. The thing is I only see my fiance every other weeken just about because his job and him living 40 minutes away from me, so i dont think that would really work. Last time I was with him when we were hacing sex he used his fingers in my behind while we was having intercourse and that felt great to me, so Im basically at a loss...

This coming sunday is our anniversy and Id really like to be able to do anal again, So tips or tricks would greatly appreciated.

**LanaBear** · 07-11-2011 06:40 PM

Just because you want to work up to it doesn't mean you have to work up to it in his company. You can use your own fingers while masturbating, you can get yourself a small anal toy, etc. Just to get used to the sensation of it. To me, it is extremely enjoyable.

Unfortunately, you can't force yourself to relax. The most enjoyable position, I've found, is spooning. Just remember to breath. Also, it helps if you push out while he is entering. It opens up your muscles down below. Also, don't immediately go for penis in bum. Play around first. Help get those muscles used to the sensation. Building up doesn't need to happen over a period of days, weeks, etc. For me, it helps immensely to just build up for 5-10 minutes before the actual act takes place. Start with vaginal intercourse, with a finger or two in the bum or just play around for a bit before you actually go for it. It will help a lot. I would really recommend the spooning position, no doggie style, etc., until you are used to it.

**PinkySweet** · 07-11-2011 07:55 PM

Yeah, Weve been talking about it and he thought we should try spooing. The first time we tried it, we did the doggie position. Im thinking that probably didnt help much.

**jlewis23** · 07-12-2011 11:19 AM

don't think about it so much and yes it may hurt going in but once it's in it's a great feeling! go for it relax dont focus on it as much and it that doesn't work see if he will finger you while he's going in and for a little while after till you relax. He does that and you'll be so focused on how good his fingers feel you won't think that much about what's going on from behind. As for the feeling violated i really honestly have no advice on that. I'm sorry and he was really respectful maybe it's your fear that made you feel that way. Just try to enjoy more then anything. Hope this helps! curiousity is a beautiful thing in certain aspects maybe that's why you wanna try again even feeling a little scared.

**cathygirl** · 07-12-2011 01:52 PM

Originally Posted by PinkySweet

Yeah, Weve been talking about it and he thought we should try spooing. The first time we tried it, we did the doggie position. Im thinking that probably didnt help much.

Not the best position, that's for sure. What I first started to do this with my husband, we found the missionary possition to be best as far as the angle of penetration goes. And we've found that it's best to start with one finger, then go to two fingers, and then slow penetration. And no heavy thrusting. But there is no rush, nobody's timing you. Slow and easy is always best.