What's wrong with me?

**klwhitl** · 07-13-2011 07:49 PM

I've been with my boyfriend for 3 and a half years, and I just turned 20. We were both virgins when we met and slept together after about 6 months together. Before then, we did a lot of foreplay - typical 16 year-olds - and our first time didn't hurt either of us.

We had an incredibly active sex life for about a year, and then it became routine, and now we haven't slept together for about 10 months. It worried me - I got paranoid that it was because I'd put on a couple of pounds from the pill - so I spoke to him about why it had suddenly stopped. We agreed it was our newly busy lifestyles and made a pact to try to sleep together often again.

So we tried, and he couldn't 'get it in' because I almost burst into tears from the pain. It's not very ladylike to say, so I apologise if this offends anyone, but my 'vaginal hole' seems to have tightened up completely. We keep trying to sleep together but he can barely go in at all and any pressure he applies is very painful.

Does anyone have any advice about what the problems could be? I'd be grateful for any responses. The whole situation has me feeling incredibly down.

**Crystalblue** · 07-13-2011 08:02 PM

It might be the stress of the situation, worrying about your relationship. I would suggest leading back up to it with lots of foreplay and getting comfortable with him again. Maybe don't focus so much on jumping right back into sex, but have fun turning each one for awhile, and find a closeness with him again first.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 07-21-2011 02:56 AM

10 months without sex, the fear after realising it was tight which is normal without sex for a long time, perhaps has left a fear that it will happen again and it did, and so the fear continues.

Sex is sex.

Intimacy and making love, feeling love, being in love is a different thing you are not a robot and he is not a vibrator so to speak

So you have to get your intimacy back, your love for each other back, laughing together, dating, remembering why you both got together, kissing and feeling warm inside, from there everything else will fit into place.

**Solnce** · 07-22-2011 02:33 PM

I had a couple of odd years in my past and I remember having a similar problem when I was with someone I didn't actually want to be with, but was "forced to" because of how the situation penned out. I would suggest talking it over with him and making sure both of you are relaxed and happy to be together. As C.W. Said the fear coming true just reinforces the problem. So in the end everything may be more psychological then physical.
Never the less I would recommend seeing your doctor, just to make sure everything is alright!

**HardBody** · 07-22-2011 02:44 PM

Originally Posted by Solnce

..I was with someone I didn't actually want to be with, but was "forced to" because of how the situation penned out.!

I think that would qualify as rape.

Vaginismus Symptoms

Depending on the intensity, vaginismus symptoms range from minor burning sensations with tightness to total closure of the vaginal opening with impossible penetration.

Common symptoms of vaginismus

•Burning or stinging with tightness during sex
•Difficult or impossible penetration, entry pain, uncomfortable insertion of penis
•Unconsummated marriage
•Ongoing sexual discomfort or pain following childbirth, yeast/urinary infections, STDs, IC, hysterectomy, cancer and surgeries, rape, menopause, or other issues
•Ongoing sexual pain of unknown origin, with no apparent cause
•Difficulty inserting tampons or undergoing a pelvic/gynecological exam
•Spasms in other body muscle groups (legs, lower back, etc.) and/or halted breathing during attempts at intercourse
•Avoidance of sex due to pain and/or failure

Vaginismus is vaginal tightness causing discomfort, burning, pain, penetration problems, or complete inability to have intercourse. The vaginal tightness results from the involuntary tightening of the pelvic floor (especially the pubococcygeus (PC) muscle group), although the woman may not be aware that this is the cause of her penetration or pain difficulties.

**oxy-moron** · 07-22-2011 04:40 PM

Originally Posted by klwhitl

. Before then, we did a lot of foreplay - typical 16 year-olds - and our first time didn't hurt either of us.

This is probably a big clue. As Crystalblue and CW are saying, you are lacking the level of relationship preliminaries that provide a warmup.
Hormones in your body will be boosted by regular physical contact such as foreplay and hand holding- this boost will occur over months and it will prepare your body for sex. One of the key hormones is Oxytocin and you can boost it through massage- it is a relaxant and its levels will build over time if you boost physical contact. Instead of starting cold as you are, arrange for regular massage sessions with each other.
Light massage as if you are petting an animal works well- You can boost oxytocin through patting an animal as well( This is one of the reasons that having a pet is good for your health.)
Give it a try- thy close contact will boost the relationship as well.

**MinnieGem** · 07-22-2011 06:17 PM

my man and i have been together 7yrs first yr we were like the energizer bunnies and even tho we did it more than once a day i was still "tight" so to speak every single time no matter how much lubrication we used, sex has slowly died off i am not sure why ive asked hubby he just says hes tired all the time or just doesnt feel like it, ive been keeping track as to how often we have it now like this year i went from jan to june without it and so far from june til now we have done it twice weird how he works lol, im still tight to this day no matter what, maybe the stress is starting to wear off as we were both under alot of stress due to constant car problems. I never knew about Vaginismus Symptoms, and i do have a few of those symptoms so thanks for that post "hard body" the others are right you need to find that love again takes awhile but it will come