Thread: Wife's change of mind on porn? All good? Should I encourage it further...

Originally Posted by CHANDLERS WISH

Tod....

Her mistake was telling you what she purchased.

You are hounding her in my opinion, texting, telling her face to face, is "me, me, me," stop struggling to understand anything, it's her body, her decision, if she ever wants to bring them out it's because she wants to share this with you, if not so be it. You are not only being pushy, but obsessed with the reasoning of why she hasn't and to me that would definately turn me off on both accounts...

Concentrate on loving her instead of all the sexual desires for a while and see where that takes you.

I agree it would have been much better if she hadnt of told me about her purchases BUT she seemed quite enthusiastic in telling me when and what she had bought, when it was delivered and telling me we just needed some "us" time, so since beginning of JULY I have encouraged their appearance about 2 or 3 times - not really hounding in my book! When I texted her she said she wanted me to use the vibe on her, so again SHE seems like the keen one but it just hasnt happened, its all hidden away in her cupboard so I feel its down to her to produce them as and when, I cant really go fishing in there for them ;-). For the last couple of months I have totally let it go but still wonder to myself and this site if \ when things will hot up.

[QUOTE=Tod121;300280]When I texted her she said she wanted me to use the vibe on her, so again SHE seems like the keen one but it just hasnt happened, its all hidden away in her cupboard so I feel its down to her to produce them as and when, I cant really go fishing in there for them ;-). QUOTE]

Just ask. Next time you guys are getting it on, just ask if she wouldn't mind getting the vibe out or would she mind putting on the sexy undies because you love seeing her in them. I know if my guy asked me to do something, that would be a huge turn-on. But once again, each person is different. You know your partner best.

This all seems rather irrelevant now, I am thinking that her purchases were just some extreme way of attempting to restore a flagging relationship which she has now all-but throw in the towel on. Rather than turning up the heat which I thought would happen with her buying these things it has all gone cold (no sex at all for about 3 months!!) and she doesnt even want to pet or kiss (not even keen for a good-bye kiss as I leave for work in the morning). She has shown an ever decreasing lack of respect and caring for me and when I looked at our internet history at the weekend I found that she had googled "I dont love my husband", which was heart breaking to read and the advice that she pulled up and read was not very supportive (mumsnet website) and spoke of opening up a secret bank account and planning an escape route, etc. We have been together to almost 20 years with 3 kids but it looks to me like to end, despite genuinely trying hard to help around the house, looking after the kids and treating her lovingly, telling her she looks great, trying massages, treating us to "date-nights" and meals out, etc, etc many things that have been suggested in my others posts here, it looks like nothing will work.
She does not like to discuss our issues, always ends up with her shouting and screaming and making accusations and end up agreeing to disagree, even though I have often taken on-board what she has said and done extra things to help. I mentioned councilling but she says she does not wish to discuss our issues with a stranger.