Thread: Wife's change of mind on porn? All good? Should I encourage it further...

My wife has always shown a distinct lack of interest in sex on TV, if a sexy scene came on she would turn it over ASAP (a bit like a parent may do). So I am quite surprised when recently she has recorded or rented films that are not porn but are very sexually orientated (Basic instinct, Eyes wide shut type of films). I noticed she had looked at some porn films to order off the internet and I was very curious when I cheekily commented that a film I choose to rent the other day had a lack of "action" in she said she would choose the next film. My Wife has now told me she has ordered some lingerie, DVD and something to play with. This is very exciting BUT also very different to how she used to behave.
I always thought MOST women preferred reading naughty stories than watching it on a screen, how do I test her interest further without looking like a pervert or pressing her too far, I am thinking of showing her some porn that I have ranging from straight 1on1, lesbian, group sex and even solo girl masturbation? She did get cross with me the other day when I playfully covered her eyes during a lesbian scene on a Liam Neeson film and she continued to watch with interest.

(Fellow guy here, but of a much younger age)
I have no experience in this area, but what I can definitely suggest is that you take it one step at a time.
She's ordered lingerie, a dvd, and something to play with? Wait until it arrives and it put into use.
Wait until after it arrives to even think about suggesting anything.
Don't 'jump the gun', so to speak, and I wish you the best of luck

Hi, her\"our" stuff has arrived in the post today, not sure yet what it is exactly, will probably find out later tonight or next week when I am off work for the day! You are right, whilst I have been picking out videos she might like in eager anticipation, I have also been telling myself to cool it a little and let her show off her surprises 1st, 1 so I dont "crash her party" and 2 so I dont over step the mark.

Originally Posted by Tod121

Hi, her\"our" stuff has arrived in the post today, not sure yet what it is exactly, will probably find out later tonight or next week when I am off work for the day! You are right, whilst I have been picking out videos she might like in eager anticipation, I have also been telling myself to cool it a little and let her show off her surprises 1st, 1 so I dont "crash her party" and 2 so I dont over step the mark.

I know how it is trying to stay calm when you get all excited about items in the mail haha.
But anyways, She ordered a specially picked DVD off the internet correct? Perhaps you should wait until after the items received in the post have been put to...use, to mention the following. Don't want to ruin the new goodies with an awkward moment, eh?
She picked the DVD? Whatever the DVD is about, perhaps it may give you some more insight into what she likes, and from there you can ask her if she's interested in anything else. I wouldn't suggest directly mentioning theme's such as 1on1, solo, etc... Just keep it simple and ask her if she know's she's interested in anything else or if she would like to explore other themes other than the one of the DVD she picked.
Of course, I'm suggesting

I honestly think you should just hang back and let her lead the way! She whats she brings up and shows you...

Well what a complete disappointment!!!! I had booked her birthday off months ago and told myself not to expect anything naughty to happen, the plan was to go out to lunch and that's all I told myself that would happen. However, after she bought all her "goodies" and said all we needed now was some "us time" and after recent naughty text messages asking me to come home from the office "for lunch" I was sooo expecting mega fireworks after our kids had gone to school......but no, not the slightest sign of any interest and she seemed incapable of making conversation which just annoyed me more and more as the day wore on.

Well, as I mentioned in my last update there were no fireworks and my wife showed NO INTEREST at all when I had the day off and the kids were at school, I imagined all sorts of things leading up to the day but nothing happend! Its been a month now since her things arrived in the post, she did grab her vibrator during sex the other day and we both used it on her which I thought was very new and exciting but I hinted another day about using it again and she just smiled and basically ignored me. I am aware not to push and to let things "just happen" but also want to show interest and encouragement so I suggested the other day that we use her toy again and this time she told me it was too noisey, I told her I didnt think so (and indeed the website where it was bought from say it is very quite) but we continued without it. Also a couple of times now I suggested that we have a look at her DVD and she just tells me no because the kids are upstairs in bed; the kids are going to be around if I am about, so I dont know when my wife imagined US being able to play. I start to think that despite originally asking her if her delivery of "stuff" was for us or her and she told me is was for us that actually she is just counting the days to the end of the summer holidays to be over and the kids are back at school so she can whack on the DVD with toy in hand and go for it. Dont get me wrong she is very welcome to go for it (lucky her having the "me" time to do it) but it frustrates me that she tells me she has bought these things and now I have no involvment.
What do you think?

Tod,

Maybe she was having an off day. I know sometimes, even the best laid plans (no pun intended) sometimes go array because of one thing or another. Maybe you all could plan a date night, get a sitter to watch the kids (maybe even overnight) and then you could maybe suggest that you two do something a little different. Be suggestive ahead of time? Maybe she is just a little uncomfortable still with the idea? You mention she used to not like this, so perhaps, she is still trying to figure it out herself? I'm not sure how old you both are, but perhaps she is entering a new phase where she is growing and learning that she may like things or be open to things that she previously did not think about?

I would say your best bet is to be open with each other if you can and to encourage her to figure out what she likes and let her know that you know she may need some "me" time, but you also love her and want to be involved. Good luck!