sex problems with fiancee

**lostinlove123** · 07-16-2011 10:53 PM

ok so my Fiancee is gone for a month at school...i posted on the other post about another problem im having but this one is about sex so i guess ill post it here..

he is not to open about sex...and im shy to tell him what makes me feel good ( i should not be i know) ...but finally I did tell him ( a month ago ) I told him that I want more foreplay and more kissing and him going "down" on me ( im sry for the details) well he never did..infact when we are together having sex i almost always give him BJ's and infact this year he only did it maybe 2 times to me ..maybe not even( by the way we have been together 5 yrs..in the beggining he did it alot more) so im getting sexualy fustrated and not getting off...lately he has been under stress but its no reason for him to get off all the time and not me....so what im asking is how can i get his sex mood up..how can i make sex more then just "ok put it inside lets get it over with"...i know that sounds horrible but thats how i feel somtimes...when i give him bj's and kiss his body i love it, it turns me on to see him turned on...I even asked him one time " do u not like going down on me" ...and he said " no i dont mind but u dont like it" sooooooo i currected him and told him i doooo like it...infact i made it clear by telling him over and over....but still nothing...so every one maybe i should try makeing sex really hot and sexy..i have a month to figure it out....outfits im not sure about i did that once and he laughed at me any other suggestions?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 07-16-2011 11:29 PM

Oh honey he laughed at you? My ex once said "I'm not in the mood" I spent an hour getting well ready

He's my ex wonder why

He's avoiding the truth, he really is, you have told him you like it and he is "pretending you don't" and he accepts graciously your "gifts" on-going and then all he does is wham bam thank you mam

Why is this man so important to you? On your other thread you say he's off partying with girls whilst he is away, that is dis-respectful and the above is non-attentive to your needs, why are you trying to work out how you can keep him? He doesn't honestly sound like a good catch to me...

**lostinlove123** · 07-16-2011 11:40 PM

5 years is a long time..i'm really in love with this man im suppost to marry him next year..I'll do anything for him! thats why im trying to find new ways to be better..like with sex

**rcoreyus** · 07-17-2011 12:21 AM

Please think very hard about marrying someone who is sexually incompatible with you. You will find a lot of posters here who have done that and regretted it. Don't expect that he will change, if you have been together for 5 years, this is what the rest of your life will be like. I know its a terrible decision, but you need to think if you can be happy this way. If not, you will just end up resenting him and it will poison the rest of your relationship.

There are lots of men who would love to be with a woman like you who enjoys an active sex life.

**lostinlove123** · 07-17-2011 12:34 AM

If i had to live with it i would b/c i love him so much.. He was not always like this for the first 2 years he did go "down" on me...I'm wondering if its b/c we were both each others first long relashionship..We both had sex before but only a couple times..So we kind of learned of each other..this is why I think i need to try learning new things..then maybe he will open up alittle bit more?

**oxy-moron** · 07-17-2011 01:51 AM

This may have been mentioned 100 times on this site. The first 18 months to two years is a honeymoon period of hormones that boost bond and sex drive.
After that what you see is what you get.
There is a biological effect that impacts all animal species called the Coolidge effect- Look it up on Wikipedia. Once a male has had an orgasm with a female he becomes disinterested in her. There are some males that may not be strongly effected by this but I suspect they are few and far between.
When he gets back from holiday you should be more interesting to him.
Use that to your advantage by holding out on him- make him work for it. Dont let him come till he has done what you want first- take control. Less is more- less for him more for you.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 07-17-2011 02:53 AM

When he gets back from holiday you should be more interesting to him.
Use that to your advantage by holding out on him- make him work for it. Dont let him come till he has done what you want first- take control. Less is more- less for him more for you.

Just in line with your other thread, I really think this is good advice....

It will also show that you are now independent, assertive and will not take a one sided relationship

Plus Oxy knows what he's talking about, he keeps me in check and reminds me to keep the honeymoon stage alive

**jns** · 07-17-2011 06:24 AM

Originally Posted by lostinlove123

ok so my Fiancee is gone for a month at school...i posted on the other post about another problem im having but this one is about sex so i guess ill post it here..

he is not to open about sex...and im shy to tell him what makes me feel good ( i should not be i know) ...but finally I did tell him ( a month ago ) I told him that I want more foreplay and more kissing and him going "down" on me ( im sry for the details) well he never did..infact when we are together having sex i almost always give him BJ's and infact this year he only did it maybe 2 times to me ..maybe not even( by the way we have been together 5 yrs..in the beggining he did it alot more) so im getting sexualy fustrated and not getting off...lately he has been under stress but its no reason for him to get off all the time and not me....so what im asking is how can i get his sex mood up..how can i make sex more then just "ok put it inside lets get it over with"...i know that sounds horrible but thats how i feel somtimes...when i give him bj's and kiss his body i love it, it turns me on to see him turned on...I even asked him one time " do u not like going down on me" ...and he said " no i dont mind but u dont like it" sooooooo i currected him and told him i doooo like it...infact i made it clear by telling him over and over....but still nothing...so every one maybe i should try makeing sex really hot and sexy..i have a month to figure it out....outfits im not sure about i did that once and he laughed at me any other suggestions?

Originally Posted by lostinlove123

If i had to live with it i would b/c i love him so much.. He was not always like this for the first 2 years he did go "down" on me...I'm wondering if its b/c we were both each others first long relashionship..We both had sex before but only a couple times..So we kind of learned of each other..this is why I think i need to try learning new things..then maybe he will open up alittle bit more?

Guys tend not to change, but they can put out a good effort for a while if they want to or are motivated to. I would say how he is now is going to be an indicator of the future. His lack of getting up close and personal with your privates is going to last. Is there any reason that you can think of for his change of attitude?

**WildChild** · 07-17-2011 10:43 AM

Given what she has going on, I think when he comes back if she chooses to have sex with him, condoms would be more than just a good idea. At this point they are essential.

**lostinlove123** · 07-17-2011 12:55 PM

there is no reason at all why he should not want to "go down"..I shower then ask and i have even gone to the doctor to make sure there was nothing wrong with me b/c i felt so bad and I also thought maybe there was a problem with me..no problem. and when i got back from the doc's ( this was last year) he asked what the opontment was for..and well ( i guess we are very honest with each other ) i just came out and told him the truth..i told him i wanted to make sure everything was goning good down there and that i was health. yet after that he still didn't, he tells me i dont like it yet like i said before i tell him i do. many times. Maybe he does not like it and just feels bad saying it..maybe he feels he will hurt my fellings.