Thread: Mr Frustrated

My wife loves me dearly, but as she has said in the past she has no interest in sex.
I’m sure at the time she said this in the heat of the moment, when we had a disagreement, but I’m believing this more and more.
We do have sex approximately once a week, but I feel like she is just going through the motions. To be honest I love sex especially when both people are into it, but if she’s not into it, I’m not into it. If I suspect she isn’t into it I will stop because I don’t want to do something she isn’t into. Strangely I feel like I’m the only bloke who likes the hugs and kisses before the deed and anytime for that matter, I’m sure sometimes she just wants it over and done with.
The last 4 times we’ve had sex I have been unable to cum because I get the feeling she doesn’t be there and can’t finish, It’s very frustrating.
Every time we have sex I try to put her needs in front of mine but she doesn’t want to cum and doesn’t even want to try, unless she climaxes on her own I think it has been over 6 weeks since I made her orgasm, ( Do some women like sex without even trying to cum ? ).

I don’t ask for sex at all, I did but don’t like the rejection, So a lot of the time the wife suggests it for later that night if we are having a few drinks or whatever. She gets tired and then remembers that we were going to do it, then offers “you can jump on if you want” I can feel the lack of enthusiasm so I say “ Tonight your tired, tomorrow we have this or that on why don’t we make it for the day after that.
Surely this is the way to go.

So when the day arrived she still didn’t want to be there. Just went through the motions, I can tell because I get the rules “don’t talk, don’t touch me there (not allowed to play with her clit while penetrating Why?) And do you know what time it is? All of these are big turn offs. No orgasm tonight.

The next morning she must have known I was upset because she offered it again,
Why couldn’t she make some effort the night before. I would bend over backwards to make her cum and she couldn’t do it with a smile on her face.

What am I doing wrong what can I do better?

Thanks for your help
Mr Frustrated

This sounds depressingly familiar. I can sympathize from experience that it is miserable to be in this situation. There have been a lot of threads on this here, sadly its a common problem for men AND women.

I haven't found a solution after 25 years of trying. Some others posting here have had better success, but most have not. Sometimes there are specific things that can be fixed, but often it just seems that some people just don't enjoy sex, and never will.

How long have you been married? Do you have kids?

Been married for 11 years, 3 kids between 11 and 7.
The kids have been away for a week, my parents took them away for a week on holidays. So a week home together, no kids just the two of us.
It's not the frequency of sex rather the quality, We had a great time together not doing anything spectacular just time together, got along great talked a lot.
Not once in that time she made a move on me.
She knows I love sex and uses it, like "if you go to the shops for me I'll give you a BJ / sex or something" I would usually go without the bonus. But once again, once it is time for the dead loses intrest, another jump on if you want. Maybe I should say I go to the shops if I can make you cum next time.
It hasn't always been like this, about 6 months ago she seem more into it.
At least I'm not the only one,

Thanks Rcoreyus for your kind words.

Originally Posted by knuckles

My wife loves me dearly, but...

...but she has an odd way of showing it!

...I feel like she is just going through the motions. ...I feel like I’m the only bloke who likes the hugs and kisses before the deed and anytime for that matter,...

You're not the only one who feels this way, nor as rcoreyus said, are you the only one in this situation.

The last 4 times we’ve had sex I have been unable to cum because I get the feeling she doesn’t be there and can’t finish, It’s very frustrating.

Been there, didn't do that! :-)

I don’t ask for sex at all, I did but don’t like the rejection, So a lot of the time the wife suggests it for later that night if we are having a few drinks or whatever. She gets tired and then remembers that we were going to do it, then offers “you can jump on if you want” I can feel the lack of enthusiasm so I say “ Tonight your tired, tomorrow we have this or that on why don’t we make it for the day after that.
Surely this is the way to go.

So when the day arrived she still didn’t want to be there. Just went through the motions, I can tell because I get the rules “don’t talk, don’t touch me there (not allowed to play with her clit while penetrating Why?) And do you know what time it is? All of these are big turn offs. No orgasm tonight.

Yep, "depressingly familiar" pretty well sums it up.

Oh BAD BAD BAD BAD!!!!! I think that sex should never be a reward in a relationship. It is great to do something you don't particularly like to please your partner, but enjoying their pleasure should be the reward. Of course they should do the same for you. Trading sex for other actions or goods is.... well there is a word for people who trade sex for other things.

I was hoping you would say that you were recently married, no kids.

I wish I had something useful to suggest, but all I can tell you are the things that haven't worked for me.

Leave, Cheat, or have a miserable sex life. A really awful set of choices.

Originally Posted by knuckles

snip
She knows I love sex and uses it, like "if you go to the shops for me I'll give you a BJ / sex or something"
.