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Thread: just Want To Have Sex

  1. 07-18-2011 11:41 PM #1
    jamesch
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    Default just Want To Have Sex

    Hello

    My girlfriend and I have a really really wonderful relationship. Except for our sex life. We've only dated for 3 months, were both young, and yet our sex life is declining. The other day she confided in me that she is afraid of her sexual appetite declining because it is a pattern in her relationships that signals the end of one. Thoroughly scared by this I've tried a few new things, but she doesn't seem to be trying really at all. I've confronted her, and she agreed with me and cried and stuff and I told her, "it's okay, we'll work on it together,"but at the same time, I'm incredibly sexually frustrated. Except for actual intercourse, pretty much every thing we do in bed is entirely focused on my girlfriend and before I met her I was a virgin, so I'm not to great at the intercourse, but I try and I don't know if I can keep trying with some one who's not giving me anything back. I adore her but I don't think a sexless relationship at 20 is really ideal. I just want to have sex with the girl that I love. Any advice? I'd really appreciate it.

    J Clarke.
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  2. 07-19-2011 12:03 AM #2
    WildChild
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    A sexless relationship at any age is not "ideal", in fact it sucks. You can and should educate yourself all you can - check out the Books on Sex thread. It may not save this relationship but it never hurts to learn more about something you are really into.
    We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer
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  3. 07-19-2011 12:14 AM #3
    jns
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    Quote Originally Posted by jamesch View Post
    Hello

    My girlfriend and I have a really really wonderful relationship. Except for our sex life. We've only dated for 3 months, were both young, and yet our sex life is declining. The other day she confided in me that she is afraid of her sexual appetite declining because it is a pattern in her relationships that signals the end of one. Thoroughly scared by this I've tried a few new things, but she doesn't seem to be trying really at all. I've confronted her, and she agreed with me and cried and stuff and I told her, "it's okay, we'll work on it together,"but at the same time, I'm incredibly sexually frustrated. Except for actual intercourse, pretty much every thing we do in bed is entirely focused on my girlfriend and before I met her I was a virgin, so I'm not to great at the intercourse, but I try and I don't know if I can keep trying with some one who's not giving me anything back. I adore her but I don't think a sexless relationship at 20 is really ideal. I just want to have sex with the girl that I love. Any advice? I'd really appreciate it.

    J Clarke.
    What do you do in bed besides the intercourse?
    I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
    ...
    Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

    Patrick Henry
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  4. 07-19-2011 05:42 AM #4
    jamesch
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    Quote Originally Posted by jns View Post
    What do you do in bed besides the intercourse?
    Well, she really likes nipple/breast play. Cunnilingus, fingering inside and outside the vagina. Recently I've been trying this "erotic massage" thing that involves the mons pubis and she really seems to enjoy that. We've done mutual masturbation once, which was fun. Mmmm, that's about it. I'm doing my research. I found her g-spot once, but I... lost it and apparently my searchng for it is not so terribly pleasant...
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  5. 07-19-2011 03:21 PM #5
    oxy-moron
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    Hi
    It sounds like all of her relationships play out this way- She sounds selfish and this is not a great sign for you.
    Try incorporating a lot of general light body massage and strokes. Use your open palm and fingers in a stroking massage rather than a muscle massage. Do this for 20 minutes before sex. This will act as a sort of a pre foreplay and boost her hormones.

    Ultimately however you will be best served by moving on as things deteriorate rather than improve unless both parties are putting in effort.
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  6. 07-19-2011 04:24 PM #6
    Texasred
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    Quote Originally Posted by WildChild View Post
    A sexless relationship at any age is not "ideal", in fact it sucks.
    There you go again, perfectly and succinctly summarizing the situation!
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  7. 07-19-2011 05:30 PM #7
    melaniegallacia
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    I have the same pattern as your girlfriend. To be brutally honest - as she's aware of the way things have tended to go for her, and she isnt trying its likely that she isnt going to try and it isnt going to get any better.
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  8. 07-19-2011 06:35 PM #8
    jns
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    Quote Originally Posted by jamesch View Post
    Well, she really likes nipple/breast play. Cunnilingus, fingering inside and outside the vagina. Recently I've been trying this "erotic massage" thing that involves the mons pubis and she really seems to enjoy that. We've done mutual masturbation once, which was fun. Mmmm, that's about it. I'm doing my research. I found her g-spot once, but I... lost it and apparently my searchng for it is not so terribly pleasant...
    It sounds like you are adventurous in your play, but you left out one crucial word: orgasm. Have you found the key to make her orgasm and can you get her to orgasm multiple times? She has had previous relationships that have waned in time. Are you doing anything truly different than any other properly attentive guy? It also sounds like she is being turned off by some rough play. Back off on the g-spot search for now. Are you paying a lot of attention to her clitoris?
    I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
    ...
    Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

    Patrick Henry
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
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