Sexless marriage? Help!

**Sarahsedaii** · 07-26-2011 02:32 PM

Hi, I am new to the forum, and I am badly in need of advice.

My husband and I have been happlily married for almost 4 years. We have never had a great sex life, but we at least managed to be sexually active once or twice a month. Recently, we are both really struggling. We were both virgins when We got married and we were sorely inexperienced. We experimented with a lot of things, but nothing really made my socks roll up and down. My husband says thats its fine for him, but it is kind of lame for me. I know that is selfish and awful, but I feel like i should have the right to have a fullfilling sex life. Or even just be able to orgasism without masterbation. I have tried to talk to my husband abiut it, but what has happened is now he is to unconfident to evem try. My attitude is not any better. Without being to graphic, he is small and we are both a little overweight. I cannot feel him inside of me. I get angry because how do you fix that? Then I do not want to have sex because it is just a waste of my time. I mean he cannot evem manage descent foreplay. What do i do? He is a wonderful man, and sex aside, great husband. I do not want to throw away our relationship, but I am just so frustrated. I know this has to be hard for him as well. What can I do to work on the relationship? He cannot make it bigger even if he learned how to press my buttons. I do not know who to talk to, and i was hoping perhaps this forum would help

Sarah

**jns** · 07-26-2011 08:15 PM

What does your husband do for foreplay? Is he open to oral? Are you open for him doing oral on you?

**Sarahsedaii** · 07-26-2011 08:21 PM

We have tried but he is not very good at it. He just has no idea what he is doing, and i do not know how to help him.

**rhiannon34** · 07-26-2011 08:45 PM

There are some videos that aren't porn but informative about sex that I have posted about before. I think they are very helpful, especially since you can see other people doing it and they cover all kinds of things about sex. They're called Sinclair Institute The Better Sex Video Series Sexplorations. The only thing I can think of that may keep you from feeling him is that you just aren't aroused.

**jns** · 07-26-2011 10:24 PM

Originally Posted by Sarahsedaii

We have tried but he is not very good at it. He just has no idea what he is doing, and i do not know how to help him.

Both you and he note what gives you a tingle of sensation as he explores your vulva with his tongue. He can explore your clitoris, your vagina and your urethral sponge areas among others. He can use stiffened lips to gently squeeze your clitoral hood and your clitoris inside of it. Also note if you get aroused by him squeezing, kissing, licking and even mildly nipping your inner thighs, your butt and your stomach areas. Compare notes and tell him what is working. He should also have an idea from your reactions. Then have him concentrate on your clitoris, but also once in a while go to other areas that get you aroused. He needs to be propped up in a way that he can continue for a while.

If he is flat on the bed with his head between your legs, it will be tough on his neck. In such a case maybe propping up your hips with pillows may help.

Another way is for you to straddle his face as in 69 or with your body at an angle and have him prop up his head with pillows. In that case I would suggest him wetting his lower lip and using it to stimulate your clitoris most of the time while he uses his tongue to stimulate other parts of the vulva. Occasionally he should concentrate his tongue on your clitoris. If you have a lot of flesh there, he may occasionally have to massage it out of the way to breathe. I've had a girl, not even overweight, press so tight that I've had to tap out for a breath every once in a while. But the incentive is to go for as long as possible. That is also a position of control for the woman as the guy cannot use his upper body strength to a high degree where as the girl has a high amount of her weight and strength concentrated against the guy's face. That feeling of control may heighten your arousal.

**oxy-moron** · 07-27-2011 12:03 AM

Hi
jns has some good tips there. One of the most important things you can do is provide feedback to him about what feels good and how much pressure to apply.
Try to create a relaxed environment- maybe start with some massage.

**stressed** · 07-27-2011 02:41 AM

I think what you both must do is start exercising to cut down on weight. His size shouldn't be an issue if he's able to perform in various positions you would enjoy a lot more. It's all about positions and will to try new things, size doesn't matter at all, trust me.

**Frustr8ed** · 07-27-2011 09:35 AM

You may also want to let him watch you masturbate so that he can see where and how you are stumulated. You can let him take over for you at times and then when it isn't working for you, switch back to you. Try not to let it become too instructional or you will both become frustrated. You can do this by following up your instructions and directions with how good it feels. Also, if he is doing something that hurts or irritating, try not to emphasize that but to rather show him that it feels better if he does it a different way. It's all in how you communicate.

**Sarahsedaii** · 07-27-2011 08:04 PM

Thank you for you comments and suggestions. Will definetley try them! We hsve decided to start over like when we were first dating. See what we both like and dislike. Thank you so much!