Help my boyfriend cares more about masturbating than pleasing me

**pinknorange2011** · 07-27-2011 03:46 PM

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a yr and a half. Our sex life was great at the beginning and the last few months I'm lucky if i get it once in two weeks. As of today its been almost 3 wks and I still haven't gotten any. I know he's been watching porn and pleasing himself even tho I'm in the next room. I can walk around naked and he doesn't even pay attention to me. Recently he told me he has been stressed out because he's the only one working. I've been looking for a job but the economy sucks right now. I'm going back to school to try and do something about the no job thing. Even tho I get money back when I don't use all the money from my school loans and they help with bills it still doesn't help with him being stressed. What should I do? Please help!

**rcoreyus** · 07-27-2011 06:09 PM

Sadly a common problem. I don't have any problems with porn and masturbation IF it is not replacing intimacy with someone's partner. In this case though he is ignoring you and watching porn.

If you search for other posts here, you will find a lot of discussions on this. Wish I had a good suggestion. All I can think of is to make it clear that he really is turning down a real woman that he loves, for an image on the screen.

**pinknorange2011** · 07-27-2011 06:13 PM

I asked him about it and all he can say is is that all you care about. I mean it has been almost three weeks. It wouldn't bother me if i didn't feel so ignored.

**oxy-moron** · 07-27-2011 06:42 PM

Go to a site called your brain on porn and another associated with cupids poison arrow called reuniting info. These sites have good backgroud information.
Lookup the Coolidge Effect on Wikipedia- Once males have sex with a female they loose interest for a period of weeks. Porn does not have this limitation as there are constantly fresh females served up.

Good luck

**GoodGuy** · 07-28-2011 11:07 AM

Originally Posted by pinknorange2011

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a yr and a half. Our sex life was great at the beginning and the last few months I'm lucky if i get it once in two weeks. As of today its been almost 3 wks and I still haven't gotten any. I know he's been watching porn and pleasing himself even tho I'm in the next room. I can walk around naked and he doesn't even pay attention to me. Recently he told me he has been stressed out because he's the only one working. I've been looking for a job but the economy sucks right now. I'm going back to school to try and do something about the no job thing. Even tho I get money back when I don't use all the money from my school loans and they help with bills it still doesn't help with him being stressed. What should I do? Please help!

Give me a bit of background here. Are you two previously sexually uninhibited? Is there something that he's expressed wanting that you "don't do". Is there something that you've wanted that he's grossed out by?

I'm trying to rule out (or in) the more pyrotechnic issues.

**GoodGuy** · 07-28-2011 11:10 AM

Originally Posted by pinknorange2011

I asked him about it and all he can say is is that all you care about. I mean it has been almost three weeks. It wouldn't bother me if i didn't feel so ignored.

Sex is a big deal and cannot be ignored. When that happens it completely modifies your thinking and the values you place on nearly everything. So I'm betting that it WOULD bother you (and should) even if he were attentive to you in every other way.

**rcoreyus** · 07-28-2011 06:34 PM

I just wanted to add - you have every right to be stressed / angry. Intimacy is a critical part of any relationship, and he is denying you this. Saying that this is "all you care about" is like telling a hungry person that "food is all you think about". When you are missing an important part of your life, of course it dominates your thoughts.

I think you would be amazed at how much happier you would be with someone who cared about you and gave you the intimacy you want and need.

**jns** · 07-28-2011 09:41 PM

You may have to give him an ultimatum, porn or you. He may choose porn. Or he may be shocked into coming back to you.

**ska1331** · 07-29-2011 05:42 PM

WOW I'm kind of amazed. It seems that he is stressed from work, yet still can sit there with porn??? When I'm stressed, I'd rather sit with my wife than my computer. There is absolutely no way I can get simpathy, love, understanding or intamicy from porn. I think there may be bigger issues afoot.

**Thomas Hepburn** · 07-31-2011 03:06 AM

Sit down and talk to him. Ask him if he prefers doing it himself or whether he would like you to do it for him? If he prefers you to do it, tell him that he must stop masturbating himself from now on. You will take control of his penis and will give him regular relief. Tell him you would like him to consider the contents of his balls to be yours and yours alone. Only you may be able to release his fluid. If he agrees to this then start by masturbating him every day. Don't wait to be asked, just take hispenis out and give him relief. Do this every day for a week or two until he gets used to it. Change the time of day that you do it so that he anticipates the relief. When he is used to you having his fluid you can then move on to getting on top of him and stroking him while you insert his penis into you and have full sex. What you mustn't do is forget to releief him regularly. I love this from my g/f. If she doesn;t want sex she knows that I need release and will bring me to climax.