Getting Tested for Men

**katokathy** · 07-28-2011 07:30 PM

Hello, I've been a bad dilemma/mini-fight with my bf since the beginning months of us dating till few months ago. I haven't brought up the topic since nowadays to avoid that, but we're getting close to moving onto the sexual intercourse stage. I'm a virgin and he isn't. He's always told me that he only had one relationship (which is true) and just had sex with her. Which the latter part ISN'T true, as much as he wouldn't admit to it, I know he's hooked up with many girls in the past. That is why I'm concerned and asked him to get tested. But he would always say, "I told you before, I only had sex with one person and it's my ex... I'm clean. Don't you believe me?" It's not that I don't want to believe him or hope to but I know he's been with other people.

He simply refuses to get tested. My friend also made it worse by saying that the doctor has to shove something up his penis, in which he freaked out on me, accusing me of wanting him to go through that. Which is why I want to ask, what actually does happen during the test? I thought it was as simple as a blood/urine test. I want something to prove to him that it shouldn't be drastically scary or painful.

Sometimes I felt like he was guilt-tripping me to avoid the test, and if he really was clean, why doesn't he just go for it instead of getting offended? Unless his only reason is he's scared. If not, then he might have something to hide... I'm not just putting it all on him, even though I'm a virgin, I also agreed to get tested myself.

**Crystalblue** · 07-28-2011 08:23 PM

Asking him to get tested before y'all have sex shouldn't be a battle. It shows you respect and care about yourself. It shows that you're intelligent enough to know the consequences that go along with sex. You shouldn't budge on this even if he was only with one person, how do you know he's clean, or how does he, for that matter? It shouldn't even be an argument. "Get tested or don't have sex with me." It's that simple.

As far as the test goes, you could always call and ask how they do it. They're professionals and I'm sure would answer any questions or worries.

**waya** · 07-28-2011 08:35 PM

This would be a red flag to me. Even ignoring your doubts about his honesty, he should respect your wishes for a simple test. I agree with Crystal, no test no sex.

**jns** · 07-28-2011 09:14 PM

I'd say dump him and not waste your time if he won't get tested. That is the attitude that causes sexual diseases to spread. Most of the testing is blood only. I suppose if there was something visual or something described such as pain, then more inspection and different tests would come into play. The first times are scary, then it becomes routine.

**ska1331** · 07-29-2011 07:50 AM

My SO and I are both in the military and we are required to be tested regularly for STD's. The testing consists of blood and urine samples. There are other tests for venerial warts, but that's still I visual exam only. I honestly can't understand his reluctance to you asking him to be responsible with his and your health. I personally would have no problems with this request. Having sex for the first time is scary enough w/o the added fear of an STD. No test, no sex. Period.

**Seeker_Advice** · 07-29-2011 10:03 AM

I agree. No test, no sex...period...ever! End of story. If HE deosn't respect you, someone he supposedly loves, enough to get tested for ANYTHING you request, then he doesn't love you and doesn't deserve you.

I'm a male, have been in a relationship for a long time, happen to be stupid in love with my SO and go skipping off to the physician's office anytime she wants me to, to get tested for whatever... Of course it doesn't happen very often as we're both generally healthy, but what's the big deal?

If it puts her/your mind at ease...

I would put it right back in his face...what are you hiding from me?

**kodakbaby** · 07-29-2011 03:58 PM

I agree with everyone and plus its for his health also. My bf was my first also and i asked him to get tested. He just stayed serious and said he had never gotten tested and because he loved me he was going to do it and next thing i knew the next day he texted me saying he went to get tested and sure enough about a week later he came to me with an unopened letter, handed it to me and told me to open it and see the results. And luckily he was clean, but if a man loves you there shouldnt be a debate about it. If he doesnt want to then leave him, dont put your own health at risk for anyone.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 07-29-2011 04:15 PM

This is your life you are talking about, yours.

Imagine, if he did have a STD, one that could cause you never to be able to have a child, yes, they exist, or one where you obtain warts down there, and have to explain that on-going to any new partner that enters your life?

If his "fear" is that he has no idea what the tests comprises off, then tell him to go to the Doctor and discuss it so that he is aware, more than likely he would then go ahead as it does comprise usually of urine and blood samples...

If he cares about you and respects the love you are showing? Losing your virginity to him ? He would do it in a heartbeat if it "was" and I say "was" about fear with the understanding of how it all works, if he won't even do that? Then you seriously have to question if this guy, purely "pretends to love" but ultimately wants to prize.

**SoCoKen** · 07-29-2011 05:14 PM

It used to be that the test for stds, besides blood, consisted of a very long qtip being inserted into the urethra for a guy. It is, uncomfortable, to say the least. Urine tests are available instead of the qtip, but cost more.

Maybe he is just not comfortable with someone he doesnt know poking around his privates? Guys get insecure, too.

Having said that, he should get tested for you. Its a fair and reasonable demand.

Maybe it would help if you offered to get tested as well. You are saying you dont trust him, which is bad, but you might be incorrect. If you are asking him to get tested, you should be willing to as well. You can get many stds WITHOUT having sex. Why not start with two clean bills of health?

**waya** · 07-29-2011 05:35 PM

Originally Posted by SoCoKen

Maybe it would help if you offered to get tested as well. You are saying you dont trust him, which is bad, but you might be incorrect. If you are asking him to get tested, you should be willing to as well. You can get many stds WITHOUT having sex. Why not start with two clean bills of health?

She says she did offer at the end of her post