Boyfriend says I'm bad at it

**StuffedBunny** · 07-29-2011 02:00 PM

Both of us are young, and have been dating for a few months now. Both of us are virgins as well. He's the sweetest guy I've ever dated. I've given him a few blowjobs before, but I've never been able to get him off for some reason. He always has to take over, because my jaw and hands get tired. It takes an unusually long time compared to my past partners, but I'm fine with that and willing to try and get better for him.

Yesterday, however, when I was walking him home in the dark, he commented that I'm bad at it and need to practice more. Besides for my first time (he was a big jerk though), I've never been told I was bad. I've been told I was good from other guys too. One guy said I was the only girl that's been able to get him off without sex before. So I don't think I'm "bad"..

After he said that, I thought he was kidding, and he laughed and hugged me. I kinda pushed him away because I was offended, and he just walked away. I said bye and he said nothing. I just stood there and watched him walk away. When he was out of my sight I just walked home by myself. I later told him it hurt me, but it turns out he was serious that I was bad, but did apologize. He says he likes me whether I'm bad or not. But it still hurts! It didn't make me feel better at all. :/ I feel discouraged from doing anything with him now..

**Texinator** · 07-29-2011 02:31 PM

There isn't really a "good" and "bad" when it comes to sex. Different people like different things, and often even the same person likes different things at different times. Being "good" in bed is essentially doing what they like at that particular time and them doing what you like. Communication is a big part of it, and your boyfriend needs to be much more descriptive than to say you're "bad." What do you do that he doesn't like? What don't you do that he does like? Oh, and while you're at it, don't forget to tell him about what you want and like.

**LanaBear** · 07-29-2011 02:48 PM

Awww, that's a pretty hurtful thing to say. Has he told you WHAT he likes? I mean, you can't really do anything different, without knowing what to do differently.

FWIW, not all men can get off during oral. Not all women can get off during oral. I wouldn't take it to heart too much.

And, like Tex said, be sure you get to be on the receiving end too, tell him what you do and don't like.

**StuffedBunny** · 07-29-2011 03:00 PM

Thanks for your responses, both of you! It is pretty hurtful and it's taking a major hit to my self-esteem. I feel extremely depressed and unloved. He hasn't really told me what to do differently. While we're in the middle of it, he tries to get me to deep throat a lot, but it makes me gag and I'm not comfortable doing that. I do try though and I deep throat until I can't take it anymore. I'll ask him what he wants next time though, if I can ever get in the mood again.

Also.. another interesting thing you guys made me realize is that I'm rarely on the receiving end. The first time we did anything together, we both gave, and he was really amazing at pleasing me. I had three orgasms in a row! He was so happy he could do that too, it was so cute hahaha. That was the only time he ever touched me there though. I've done it to him five times. I asked him if he just didn't want to, but he said he does want to, he just says he "doesn't know what to do". That's obviously not the case!

**SoCoKen** · 07-29-2011 03:10 PM

"he commented that I'm bad at it and need to practice more"

Practice more being the key part of this, not that you are bad at it! He was just trying to get a rise out of you, and get more head! Sure, he wasnt very tactful, but he is young and probably doesnt know any better. As a general rule, a guy NEVER should tell a woman she is bad at ANYTHING in bed. She should always hear she is amazing. If she doesnt do some things well, it should be hinted at through compliments or moans as to what she should do, not complaints about what she shouldnt do.

Growing up, guys are sometimes challenged in sports by being told we arent good at something, to inspire us to work harder. Women, in general, are not exposed to that sort of negative reinforcement. He is just young, and hasnt figured some things out about how different women are than men sometimes.

Try not to read too much into it, and be more secure! You know you are good at it, and you should know he wants more of it. That means he likes it!

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 07-29-2011 03:13 PM

Honey, to me, he's selfish in every way, he knows that he hurt you but watched you walk off, he stood his ground when he spoke to you, for self gain and asking you to deep throat? You have only been together for a few months, tell him it's not all about him, when couples meet and consider a relationship, where ever that relationship goes, if it is real, both people try to get to know each other's bodies and please each other, neither puts the other down rather, guides to what they like, and no one ever demands, or has expectations that are not what the other person "wants" to do, that's called compromise.

I think he is just trying to get what "he" wants.... "more practice" means in my opinion, he does like it, wants it all the time, just do it, this will make you feel bad so you will do it, and he expects to come quicker so get it right.

I'd say PFTTTTTT offff, I am after a real guy, one who respects me...

Bye.

**Texinator** · 07-29-2011 03:17 PM

Originally Posted by StuffedBunny

Thanks for your responses, both of you! It is pretty hurtful and it's taking a major hit to my self-esteem. I feel extremely depressed and unloved. He hasn't really told me what to do differently. While we're in the middle of it, he tries to get me to deep throat a lot, but it makes me gag and I'm not comfortable doing that. I do try though and I deep throat until I can't take it anymore. I'll ask him what he wants next time though, if I can ever get in the mood again.

Also.. another interesting thing you guys made me realize is that I'm rarely on the receiving end. The first time we did anything together, we both gave, and he was really amazing at pleasing me. I had three orgasms in a row! He was so happy he could do that too, it was so cute hahaha. That was the only time he ever touched me there though. I've done it to him five times. I asked him if he just didn't want to, but he said he does want to, he just says he "doesn't know what to do". That's obviously not the case!

Don't do anything you don't feel comfortable doing. If deep throating makes you gag, then tell him that you don't want to do it. There is no point in suffering during sex.

...and yes, insist that he also meets you needs, because with him not taking care of you after the first time, it sounds as though you could just as easily tell him that he's bad in bed.

**LanaBear** · 07-29-2011 04:19 PM

Uh, so what if you can't deep throat, not everybody can. Young "boys" especially, live in this fog that sex is like porn.

And, like everybody else says.... He needs to be an equal giver, if he's not, well then, he's bad at it.

**waya** · 07-29-2011 05:44 PM

That was a terribly hurtful thing for him to say. I could forgive (but still be a bit hurt) if he was kidding but he maintains that he's serious. That is not the way to say it, especially if he's not helping you figure out what he likes. Obviously, it's not that bad or he wouldn't want more huh? Honestly though it sounds like he said that as a ploy to get you to deep throat him.

**rcoreyus** · 07-29-2011 05:47 PM

That was a terrible thing for him to say! If someone isn't doing what you like in bed, the right response is to ask them to also try other things, not say you don't like what they are doing. If he isn't doing things to please you anymore, then he is the one who is a terrible lover.

Find someone who appreciates you and cares about you - there really are a lot of very nice caring guys out there. This guy sounds like a jerk. If he complains about what you are doing for him, he's welcome to date his right hand for a while.