Thread: help

I would have to agree with the others he needs to be told to stop the porn or you will need to leave him. Once it gets in a persons mind they just fix themselves on it. It sounds as if he is not to willing to listen. Tell him exactly how you feel and if he loves you he will stop.

The most important thing you can do is not let it make you insecure. Insecurities are not attractive to anyone, and will only make things worse. I know that can be hard when you are getting rejected, rejection hurts everyone's confidence. If there is anything you can do to keep your confidence up, jogging or exercising always makes me feel good, then you should focus on that to keep from letting insecurity get to you. If you can boost your confidence, you will boost your sexiness, and he might take notice to that and get bored with porn.

Porn is like a fast food fix for a hunger. Once in a while is fun, but if you become addicted to it, it can be a detriment to your life. If there is an overnight fix for this, I dont know if it has been discovered. This addiction will take time to kick, so focus on you and making yourself feel good independent of him. Keep in mind, this is something that HE is going through, most likely because of HIM, not YOU. Guys get addicted to porn out of laziness, insecurity, lack of confidence, and last and most likely least, boredom. He might be insecure about his ability to please you, but in porn he can be that guy that is making women scream. His lack of fitness might make him hesitant to embark on a sexual adventure in person for fear of looking weak. He might just have a lowered activity level in general, and be seeking that quick fix. He also might be insecure as to his attractiveness to you, but the computer screen doesnt judge.

It might be beneficial to not bring it up for a while if you are bringing it up a lot now. Wait a couple weeks so he is less sensitive and defensive, and then bring it up as a conversation. Avoid using criticism and attacking his problem, and rather try to calmly and logically find the root of the issue. Porn addiction has only been a widespread problem with the advent of internet porn, so it is relatively new. If you really feel he is worth it, it is something that is fixable, but dont discount the idea that you might be better off moving on.

OMG SoCoKen that will explain y he's been doin this for he's got no job he's lazy so he'll have to b bored and the only way he can cure his boredom is by watchin porn i find that he does depend on me too much as well as i feel the he has got insecurities, but then again so do i. He says that i talk abt it too much (porn) but he doesnt like talking to me abt it at all. He says he will come to me in his own time if theres a problem He still can b a sweet heart to me tho he tells me that porn is nothin to worry abt and that he still loves me. Like today we went dwn the beach and he held me in his arms and kissed me and i asked him how much u love me and he replies too much sometimes. So if i find him a job and fast he wont b bored and his mind would b too busy too even think of that he would b too busy abt work and me to even fit that in, is that true or am i goin the wrong way abt it.

*sigh* Men are not children. They shouldn't need to be handed a "coloring book" to occupy their time. You shouldn't have to find him a job or find him something to do in order for him to NOT sit home and look at porn all the time. Perhaps he is bored, but he knows at this point that this is detrimental to your relationship. It is VERY hard not to let it smack your self esteem when you know the man you love is spending his time looking at other women naked and getting his rocks off to them instead of you. Do not get it in your head that you must find a way to keep him busy to keep him from looking at porn. It is not your job as his gf to "keep him busy". Again, he's not a child. He needs to want to find a job on his own. He needs to want his relationship to healthy and vibrant both emotionally and physically. He needs to want to plan wonderful things with you. He needs to want to make you feel beautiful, as you need to want to make him feel handsome. These are things he NEEDS to want in order to be a partner to you.

Otherwise, you'll end your days feeling, "unwanted,used,unattractive ".

your right as well this is just so hard i try telling him that hes sexy and handsome but he tells me to speak normal. Im not going to let his words or his actions hurt me if he does the wrong things by me its his lost but if he cares abt me so much after losing me he will chase me if i mean so much to him

Hi Sarah,

It's really great that you're reaching out and looking for help. You must really love this man. But I guess, it's important that you love yourself too. He's not making you happy and this is a big problem. Porn can become very addictive. It's like a quick high and it's so easy to get. Personally I've never been that into it but I have friends who have gone that way. The only way to get over porn is to stop watching porn period. Having sex with you every now and then won't stop it.

I think you should consider if there's a future for you in this relationship. There are so many guys who would love a sexually charged woman like you. And would love a woman to initiate sexual encounters like you do. You're not being valued.

And Beautiful disaster is right when she says men shouldn't need to be handed a "coloring book" to occupy their time and you shouldn't have to find him a job. Definitely not. Thing is, he's really still a boy but He needs to grow up.

If you're really interested in making this work I can suggest asking to watch porn with him. The goal being that as he gets aroused to have him direct that energy on you. So eventually he needs you there with him. I'm not sure if you want this but it may help. Over time you may be able to ween him away from the screen entirely and back to you until he doesn't need the screen anymore. But, this is a maybe and is it worth it?

Honestly though, you need to think about yourself. I know this is your first love and it feels the strongest. But there are other fish in the sea and every woman deserves to feel wanted, loved and desired.