Thread: have the same issue about no sex in marriage

hi there, im 37 and have been eith my hubby for just over 3 yrs. we've 2 little ones, a 3yr old and a 2yr old. my other half suffers from bi polar nad has has bn on meds for years (more than 10) his libido is oretty low but when we first met we had sex quite regularly altho he's confessed to taking viagra each of the times we had sex in our early encounters together which isnt an issue for me. the problem is that we hit a bad patch after i had the kids and our sex life never recovered. im now te one who keeps talking about having sex as we dont at all in our marriage. he says its because of his medication and that i shldnt keep talking about it coz it makes him feel like he's inadequate(he says why mention it when u know i dont get the urge) im confused coz now he says even with viagra he doesnt get the urge and i must just accept that thats us now. we made love once last year and once the previous year and he keeps coming up with excuses to do with his illness but its not sitting right with me it doesnt ring true and i think he may have resigned himself to not bothering with sex which i dont think im ready for at this stage in my life. he's not the affectionate type so i dont get any of that either, ilove him so much but im solonely and find myself lying in bed next to him feeling a million miles away, i do snuggly up to him but its always me that initiates it, i feel he makes no effort and is asking me to give up a sex life without going out of his way to show anything else (affection, appreciation etc) am i too demanding? ive lately thought maybe my only option wld be to see other men discretely just to satisfy that part of me altho it wld end our marriage if he found out.

Hi
If he is on antidepressants then they could impact on his Libido dramatically.
Not all Meds have the same impact though and there may be others that dont have a negative impact- do some research yourself.
Research Omega3 Fats(Fish or Flax) and mental health as well.( As well as good for Libido)
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a statistical study also showed fish-eating countries have lower bipolar rates than those where fish is not common in the diet.Noaghiul Another study looked at whether patients with bipolar disorder have lower omega-3 levels than "healthy controls", and found lower DHA but not EPA levels in their blood cell walls. Even with a small sample they found a pretty big difference
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Try getting into some massage sessions with him as well. This can improve mental health as well as boost Libido.

Good luck

thanx for that, he is and has bn on antidepressants for the said amount of time so im aware that the lack of libido is due to that, i am very understanding of how his illness affects him, i very often offer to massage him (body massage) which he likes, he is rather selfish in that he wont ever offer to massage me or on the rare occassions that we do have sex he waits for me to do stuff to arouse him if i dont he'll just lie there and there wld be no sex as he wldnt put himself out to caress me or anything, obviously thats not the spirit/ atmosphere to mantain if any sex is going to be had so i usually put aside any resentment threatening to surface and get on with getting us both in the mood .when i do bring it up he says he's awkward with sexual stuff and isnt confident with it which i get and wld really like it if he showed some effort (even the littlest effort) so i know its a 2 way thing and not just me as im the higher sexed one, this is why sometimes i get frustrated and think about having it with other pple that wld show some interest in the encounter- i dont want to keep forcing myself on my own husband which makes it feel like when it does happen he's doing me a favour agggrh!

Note also that Viagra and other such meds do not give a man "the urge," just the ability. Lack of libido cannot be cured by taking Viagra.
sorry to hear about your problem: it's unfortunately not all that uncommon, especially when one partner is as selfish as your husband seems to be.

Yours isn't a sex issue, it's a relationship issue; wish I knew what to advise you, but others here will know. Check back.

yeah i think at the back of mymind i know we've got a serious problem and i shld probably leave but we've got 2 little ones i hate to disrupt their life like that, i feel selfish doing that just so i can get what i want, they adore their dad, its a difficult one