Thread: Just found out my Boyfriend may be Bisexual and has cheated on me….

I just confirmed this morning what i may have thought to be true a few months back. My boyfriend left his Craigslist account open on the computer today and i noticed he had placed an ad last October about "anyone hosting fun, i'm So and So", the title was "Bottom looker". I had to google what BOTTOM LOOKER was. Wow, what a shock. He placed the ad while he was in Vegas for a conference. We had been dating a month by that time. I don't know what to say or do at this point. I'm completely lost. I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND. I think i could possibly work through him being bisexual, as i may be a closet bisexual as well, and i don't want to throw a double standard on him. But i just have no one to turn to to ask for advice. Not a single person that wouldn't judge me and/or him. I need help…..

I am a man and have have been though this issue since I am bisexual. When I was working up the courage to tell my partner that I was bisexual, I used to fantasize that she would respond that she too had bisexual tendencies (this did not turn out to be the case in my situation). I would encourage you to speak frankly to your partner and tell him that you know that he also likes men. Tell him that you also have bisexual thoughts and that you would like for both of you to work through this issue together. You need to keep in mind however that he might be now or eventually be more homosexual than bisexual. You need to discuss these potential eventualities up front and honestly.

I wish you the best of luck on your discussions.

Were you exclusive at that point? I guess that would be my first question. If not, then technically... He didn't cheat on you. Secondly, you look at this computer. So, not sure you really want to bring that one up. If you were exclusive, then you have to figure out whether you want to deal with the fact that he cheated or not, but mentioning you checked the Craigslist when it was up, brings up a whole different set of issues. If you weren't exclusive and you still want to be with him, I would maybe ask him some questions about how he feels about bisexuals, etc. Maybe tell him that there have been times you were attracted to women... try to engage him in conversation. Eventually, you both are going to have to figure out where you stand so it's better to try to figure it out now than later IMO. Good luck