Thread: help me out ladies

i read all kinds of articles about how women would kink it up a little, if their men just asked.

my wife drops what i think are hints sometimes - she'll say things about how i never tell her what i like, she'll ask me what i want her to do & i don't know how to answer. i feel stupid. i mean - there really isn't anything i dislike about our sex - it's a little traditional, but still very hot. so when she asks me that, i don't know what to say - & it frustrates her.

i'll say things like, "i like everything you do" - which is true, but it doesn't seem like a real answer to her.

so anyway - i'm thinking maybe she wants to have a little more fun, and i would to - but i'm scared to death of looking stupid. i wouldn't do anything twisted. we could have some fun with toys or handcuffs - i don't know.

i'm imagining introducing something like this & her reaction being incredulous, "what are you doing??"

then i'll feel like a fool & wish i hadn't done it.

help me out -

You need to be honest with your wife. If you want to try something new, that is normal, but she can't read your mind.

Talk to her about it outside of the bedroom.

And a quick trip with her to an adult novelty store might be something to do on a lazy Saturday.

I think maybe she wants to hear what you like. For example if she is really good at oral, then say "I love when you give me oral". Or maybe she just likes being told what to do. I know personally its very hot when a man says to me "I want you to go down on me" or something like that.

While certainly not traditionally sound advice, what worked for my husband and I early in our relationship was drunk conversations. "What's the kinkiest thing you'd ever consider trying?" "Is there anything that turns you on that you've never told anyone else about?" These could be very enlightening conversations. And, hopefully, after having similar conversations while intoxicated a few times, you will both feel more comfortable discussing these things sober.

A drunken visit to a *not sleazy* sex shop sounds like a good idea to me as well.

Good luck!

Key piece of advice for all men: when a woman asks what you like her to do give SPECIFICS. If you really liek it when she does that crazy thing with her tongue whe nshe is going down on you, tell her. She may just do it. She sounds like she may be asking for specific things to do. She may be a little submissive and wants you to take the dominate position and "make" her do things.

AntiPrincess's suggestion about the sex shop is a good one. Be honest about the things that interest you and don't just look to her to approval. She may be much kinkier than you think, so let your freak flag fly and have some fun!

Sounds to me like she wants to spice things up but is the sub/mas in the bedroom. She wants you to control the new situations. By asking you it doesn't mean she thinks you are unhappy, it probably means she want to try stuff out but doesn't want to be the dom.

You don't have to do anything really extravagent or kinky, but just telling her you like _____ when she give oral, or you like pulling her hair, or you like her on top in ______ position, or in this set of underwear, or you'd like to try some restraints etc. Anything you want to try she will probably be ok with, but she wants you to be the decision maker.

decision maker, i can be.

so you think i need to talk about this - like i would talk about wanting to buy a kayak or something? not just surprise her one day with a shot from left field?

Originally Posted by chairman

decision maker, i can be.

so you think i need to talk about this - like i would talk about wanting to buy a kayak or something? not just surprise her one day with a shot from left field?

Yes!

Once you start communicating about it, you will find that things just naturally have a tendency to work better.

Originally Posted by LilacDragon

Yes!

Once you start communicating about it, you will find that things just naturally have a tendency to work better.

I agree. Talking about it during a really nice night out together wouldn't hurt either.

i wouldn't be too frightened of her reaction- unless of course you ask her to burn you with cigarettes or take a dump on you or something *really* outlandish. start out slow, maybe flavored massage oils or a silky blindfold, and go on an adventure together to see how big yr comfort zone is!