Thread: I caught my husband....

Ashley - think about whether you really have open communication. I say this because virtually all me (and the great majority of women) masturbate at least occasionally, and if he didn't feel comfortable admitting this to you, then he may not feel he can be open with you. Openness also requires being accepting of all sorts of things that might be disturbing and think about how you react to his telling you any of these:

Most people are at some time attracted to someone other than their spouse. Most don't act on that attraction but I think its very common.

A lot of people masturbate occasionally with sex toys and / or porn.

Many people have fantasies about things that others might find offensive: rape fantasies, homosexual fantasies, fantasies about other partners.


Think about your reaction if he were to be open to you about any of the above. Would you be upset? If not, then you are being reasonable and open, and he just isn't quite comfortable enough yet to tell you the truth about everything.

What's the problem??

I see why you're upset about the lies, even if it's a bit absurd.

Imagine if your s/o told you, "I'd never color an elephant purple." Um, okay? Great? That's fine. "No, really, coloring an elephant purple would be silly. Who would ever do that if they had a grey crayon?" Doesn't matter to you, but if he feels that strongly about it, okay. He goes on about it at length until one day you walk in on him, purple crayon in hand, scribbling furiously on a coloring book! Lo and behold, it's a picture of an elephant! And he's coloring it purple!

After all that buildup and fussing over purple elephants, you can't help but have a "What the #(*$" moment, regardless of the absurdity.

Wow, you should be flattered! That is so sweet. He was masturbating privately, could've used a video or pic of anyone (especially with what's on the internet) but he chose a picture of YOU! Your hubby wants you and misses you. Nothing could be more loyal and loving and awesome!

Im going to agree with all of the above too. How nice to walk in to see your guy masterbating to a picture of you, rather then masterbating to some random women via a dodgey porn link. I would been flattered (and completly turned on!!) beyond belief. Knowing that your husband masterbates to pictures of YOU when your not available instead of porn surely must fill you with confidence. How amazing - I can only hope and pray that my boyfriend does the same.

Seriously you are going to complain to your husband visualizing YOU when he masturbates? Sorry, but I am having a difficult time feeling any sympathy for you. Have you scoped out all the posts on here about women being upset because their husbands are masturbating to porn or photos of other women? THAT I can sympathize with but your man is clearly into you completely and totally and I can't see why you would be upset by that. So what he masturbates, most people do and because it's a "personal" thing, most people lie about doing it. Get over it, your man is into you, turned on by you and when most men opt for exploring fantasies with other women, your husband prefers to explore fantisies involving you. Consider yourself lucky, give your husband and extra kiss and hug and thank your lucky stars you found a good man.

Originally Posted by JadedQueen

Seriously you are going to complain to your husband visualizing YOU when he masturbates? Sorry, but I am having a difficult time feeling any sympathy for you. Have you scoped out all the posts on here about women being upset because their husbands are masturbating to porn or photos of other women? THAT I can sympathize with but your man is clearly into you completely and totally and I can't see why you would be upset by that. So what he masturbates, most people do and because it's a "personal" thing, most people lie about doing it. Get over it, your man is into you, turned on by you and when most men opt for exploring fantasies with other women, your husband prefers to explore fantisies involving you. Consider yourself lucky, give your husband and extra kiss and hug and thank your lucky stars you found a good man.

couldnt agree more!

Hi Ashleyyyyy,

There are acceptable lies and there are lies that destroy relationships. Reference your husband's telling you he didn't masturbate, I would think that you should have known he was not being truthful with you. I'll go out on a limb here because that's where fruit is, he was probably embarrassed to tell you that he masturbates. He's probably been masturbating since he reached puberty.

Statistically, most men & women masturbate. For many women, it's the only way they can achieve orgasm, probably because their partners do not know how to bring them to orgasm. In fact, I know a woman who used to date a guy who had no clue. He satisfied himself and then fell asleep at which time she would masturbate. She finally had a talk with him about it, and he became far more attentive to her needs.

I guess what I'm trying to convey in a circuitous manner is that your husband's masturbating is no big deal. Here's a suggestion: do it together. It's very erotic for partners to watch each other masturbate.

Ashleyyyyy, I honestly wouldn't worry about it. When you feel the time is right, I'd ask him why he was reluctant to tell you that he masturbates. But I Would worry about his masturbating if hr begins to prefer it to being with you.

Finally, a healthy relationship requires complete honesty. You might be able to chalk up this lie to immaturity; however, I would tell him that from now on you expect and deserve complete honesty. But always allow a man to save face. You have to choose the right time to ask him about what you know to be true. In other words, ask him about sensitive stuff when it's least likely he'll be embarrassed. And always keep in mind that without trust there is no friendship, and without friendship a lasting relationship is not likely.

I hope your injuries heal quickly, and you're back to best of health very soon.


My best,

Taos